Chasing Cecilia

CHAPTER 14

Rory:

I sat on my bed nursing a tumbler of amber liquid as I recounted what had just happened in the pantry. I let out a guttural sound as I lay back on my bed, what on earth had I been thinking throwing accusations of infidelity at Cecilia. 

Why had I let my anger and jealousy take hold of me like that? I had seen the scared and hurt look in her eye but had continued my own spiteful assault on her character, I was just as bad as him.

Anger wasn't the only emotion spiralling through me though, her words had stung me in a way I didn't know they could. Her words returned to haunt me in fragments.

"I will continue to honour the vows I made to you even if you don't."

"You are no gentleman sir."

"I have hated you since the day that I met you."

"You sir, are a disgrace to your sex."

"You are surely dreaming if you think I will remain here a day further."

I winced again as the words played through my crumbling mind. I berated myself, stupid stupid man that I was, why had I ever made that foolish comment about taking mistresses? 

I had always prided myself on being a gentleman but I knew I had never acted in a gentlemanly way towards Cecilia, she was right, I had mistreated her. I had behaved atrociously, how in God's name was I going to be able to fix this?

Her last few words hit me the most, "You are surely dreaming if you think I will remain here a day further." She wouldn't really leave would she? This was Cecilia though, for all I knew she could have already saddled her horse. 

I rushed to my window but, to my relief, I saw no fleeing figure. I let out a dry laugh, not that long ago I wouldn't have cared whether she stayed or went, in fact, I probably would have helped her leave. All I wanted to do now though was bolt her door in an attempt to stop her from leaving.

I spun around as I heard the sound of the door to her room slam shut before I heard a soft thud. I wanted to apologise but as I reached the door that separated our rooms I heard the sound of muffled sobs drifting through the wood. 

I bowed my head in shame, I was sure I was the reason for her distress. My instincts were telling me to go to her and hold her until her tears stopped but my better judgement held me back. I knew Cecilia well enough to know she was a proud girl and would loathe me to see her in a vulnerable position.

Disgusted with myself I walked back from the door to my bed. I don't know what exactly it was that made me realise but suddenly it just clicked in my mind. 

The reason I didn't want her to leave, the reason I had been jealous of that Edward man in the first place, the reason it angered me to be the cause of her tears.

 I had feelings for my wife.

I hurled the glass in my hand at the wall opposite me, stupid, selfish man. How had I not noticed such a development sooner, or maybe I had and just hadn't wanted to accept it. I groaned in irritation. 

If only I had known and not let my anger and jealousy run away with me. We had been getting on well this last week, heck, I kissed her not long ago and she didn't shower me with hatred afterwards, why had I gone and ruined it all? She had made it clear that she hated me, I knew she would never hold romantic feelings for me after everything I had said and done but I prayed that she wouldn't leave. 

She couldn't leave, not now.

**********

I left my room after I had dressed for the dinner Cecilia had planned, I hoped I'd have a chance to apologise to her before the guests arrived. I closed my door and caught a glimpse of raven hair swishing around a corner.