TWO PIECES ➸ BELLAMY BLAKE

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      Do you know the feeling that you lost someone who meant so much to you that you just want to kill yourself? Well I know that feeling. I feel it right now. It's horrible. It's the worst pain I've ever felt. I felt it once before and it almost made me kill myself. It was with my dad. When he died, I was a mess. So was my mom, but she was a different mess. My mom became a horrible bitch and I couldn't handle it anymore. If Clarke wasn't there, then I would be dead right now. I was about to kill myself when she walked into the room. I still don't know why she came. My mom was working and I was sick at home. 

      The knife is in my hand. I'm still thinking if this is what I want, but I can't do it anymore. I made a letter for my mom, Clarke and Abby. It says that I'm really sorry for everything I've done wrong in my life. That I'm sorry I do this to myself. How much I love them and how much I'm gonna miss them. My mom's letter says something else. It says that I want her gone. Not really gone but the mom she is right now. I want the real woman back. The woman she used to be. The woman she used to be before my dad died. It was a shock for both of us. My dad was a good guy and then suddenly he's arrested for stealing. No one expected him to do that. 

     I press the knife against my wrist and am about to slit it when I hear the door open. I look up at the door and see Clarke.  What is she doing here and how did she came in? She doesn't have a key. Wait, was the door open?! She looks at me with wide eyes. She runs to me and takes the knife away from me. She throws it away. It's not really smart to just throw a knife but she doesn't care I guess.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?! Are you out of your mind?' she says worried and a little angry. 
I ignore her. I can't tell her I was about to kill myself. I look to the ground with tears in my eyes. I hear Clarke gasping for air. I look up and see she's looking at the letters I wrote. Oh no. Now she knows. Clarke looks at me with tears in her eyes. 

      'You were about to kill yourself. Emily, why? Why would you do this? Why would you leave everyone?' Clarke asks.  
The tears are now rolling down on her cheeks. 

'I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. My dad is gone and so is mom. She is not the same anymore and it hurts me. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry,' I cry out. 
Clarke walks to me and hugs me. She strokes my hair and tries to calm me down. 

'It's gonna be okay. Just don't kill yourself, please. I can't handle that. It's gonna be okay, I promise,' she says trying to calm me down. 

       And I believed her. I believed it was going to be okay. A part of it was true. But the other part wasn't. I still had problems with my mom. But I didn't had the urge to kill myself anymore. I still kept the letters in case something was going to happen to me. I'm not sure if my mom ever found them. But I don't care. If she read them, then she knew how I thought about her. 

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       'I'm sorry about Finn.'

I look to my left and see Lexa sitting next to me.

'It's okay. I know you needed to do it. I know we couldn't stop you,' I say sad. 
'I really missed you Emily. It's not the same without you. Everyone knows that. The children are not happy anymore. Well, some of them are but it was usually you who made them happy. You used to play with them like you were stil a child. Some of the older grounders miss you too. You were always nice to everyone,' Lexa says with a little smile. 
I smile back at her. 

       'I miss you guys too. But it's better like this. Maybe not for you guys but it is for me. I don't have the feeling anymore that I need to separate into two parts.'
'That's okay. Anyway, I need to talk to Clarke. Would you like to come with me?' 
I nod at her and together we stand up and walk to the tent Clarke's in. 

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         I hear her crying. We're not even in the tent and I hear her crying. It breaks my heart. I know it's really hard for her right now. She just killed someone she loves. I walk into the tent with Lexa and walk to Clarke immediately. I hold her and calm her down a little bit. She's a mess. Like I used to be when my dad died. I know how she feels. When she's calm, Lexa starts to talk. 

        'Blood has answered blood. Some on my side say that's not enough. They wanted the murderer to suffer as our tradition demands, but they do not know that your suffering will be worse. What you did tonight will haunt you until the end of your days. Still, there will be restitution. The body will be given to the people pf Tondc, murderer and murder joined by fire. Only then can we have peace,' Lexa says.
Kane takes a few steps to Lexa and some of the grounders put their hands on their weapons. Of course they still don't trust us. Well maybe me, but for sure not Kane. 

      'No. No. We've done enough. The boy should be buried by his own people,' Kane says. 
Indra steps in. 

'Enough? We were owed the pain of 18 deaths. We were owed our righteous kill. My village deserves justice,' she says.

'You don't want justice. You want vengeance.'

'You have not seen my vengeance,' Indra says angry to Kane. 
If he wants to continue living then he needs to shut his mouth. Indra can be really angry and if Lexa doesn't stop her then she will slit his throat

      'We'll do it... But when it's over, we talk about how to get our people out of Mount Weather, all of our people,' Clarke steps in. 

'We want the same things, Clarke,' Lexa says.

'Good. When do we leave?'

'Now. Choose your attendants.,' Lexa says. 
Then Lexa walks out of the tent with the rest of the grounders who were inside. 
I stand next to Kane and listen to Abby and Clarke.

     'Clarke, you don't have to do this,' Abby says. 

'Yes, I do. If this truce doesn't hold, I killed Finn for nothing,' Clarke says still with tears in her eyes. 

'Clarke is right. We need to do this. Peace with the Grounders is the only way we'll survive,' Kane says. 
I nod, he's right. 

      'Oh, I don't think they know what peace is,' Abby says. 

'The commander does,' Kane says. 

'She's a child. They're being led by a child.'

'Lexa may be a child. But she is the best leader I've ever met. And you're also lead by children,' I say. 
I walk out of the tent with Clarke behind me. Abby's right, the grounders are being lead by a child. But it's a damn good leader.