1000 Paper Cranes

Chapter 41 - 3

"That is too much," Joanna giggled as she and Jon met me in calculus. They were both wearing obligatory red noses, but that was the extent of their clown uniforms.

I, on the other hand, was dressed in a brightly colored denim vest, adorned with a squirting flower. My baggy pants were patterned like a big top circus tent, and my shoes were roughly three sizes too big. I'd spiked my shaggy Mohawk into long, bright green points. I had never been to a circus but I was pretty sure I made a convincing clown.

"Woah there, Chuckles," Dr. Wilkes laughed, turning from the board to see me.

"That's Dr. McChuckles," I nodded and honked my bright red nose. Even Dr. Wilkes laughed at my behavior.

"It never fails," he chuckled. "At the end of the year, students get progressively crazier each year."

"Hey, Dr. Wilkes," I called.

"Yes, Dr. McChuckles?" He answered. I was impressed that he was playing along. Dr. Wilkes had always seemed so serious.

"Did you know the Romans didn't find algebra very challenging?" I leaned in close, playing up my comical appearance.

"I didn't," Dr. Wilkes shook his head, considering my question. "But you do always have a fact for us. Why wasn't it challenging?"

"Because X is always 10!" I laughed so hard I nearly exploded. My classmates, however, all moaned and sank down in their seats.

Dr. Wilkes joined me in side-splitting laughter.

"That was good," he worked to regain his composure. "But now it's time to start our comprehensive exam review."

That day, I opted to join my classmates in the cafeteria for lunch. It still reeked. Would that smell never leave? It was still hard. I tried not to cast a glance at the table where I had first Robin. I tried not to think about anything but awful jokes.

And was I good at awful jokes.

And people liked me. People laughed. And invited me to sit with them. And invited me to their prom after-parties and graduation parties. They knew who I was. I didn't know how they knew who I was. I didn't know any of their names. I didn't think I'd ever even had a class with most of the people who invited me to participate in their lives and festivities. And I definitely wasn't going to join them. But it was nice to have been asked.

When the bell rang to end lunch, I hadn't eaten a single bite, but I had spoken to more people in that one lunch shift than I had spoken to all year. I had told every awful joke and pun I could think of. And some people had rolled their eyes. And some people had ignored me altogether. And none of that bothered me.

But more often, people laughed. And they laughed hard. I saw milk drip out of noses. That was disgusting. I saw tears roll down faces as people laughed. I think it shocked people more that it was me being a clown. It was unexpected. It was unusual.

When I climbed into my car that afternoon, I couldn't fight the smile on my face. It was a true, genuinely giant smile. It was the kind of smile I was sure I would never experience again.

It had been nice to make people laugh. There had been something healing about bringing joy to my classmates. Is that why Robin had spent her life doing the same thing? There were so many things I wanted to tell her. There were so many things I wanted to ask her.

Before I realized what I was even doing, I had my phone to my face.

"Hey, this is Robin," her sweet voice sang. "I'm sorry I can't answer my phone right now, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you."