Entanglement

yearn

Dan POV

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Feeling calm was the strangest thing to ever occur to me.

Perhaps that was an overstatement. Many strange things had occurred to me lately, however, being any emotion but angry or completely numb of feeling was one of the most prominent ones.

I had grown quite attached to the golden ring Phil had given me, and it upset me to say the least. I wasn't supposed to feel anything about objects, and yet here I was, twirling it around with my thumb constantly as a gentle reminder that it was there. A reminder that no matter how confused or lost I got, Phil was somewhere, and he was the light guiding me through it.

I figured it was dangerous, to grow close to him. To be good friends with a angel when you're complete enemies; the next war would be a strange one if this continued. Yet I only trusted him, I even trusted him more than I trusted most of my colleagues in Hell. I supposed it was because we were both a part of this secret, and if Phil knew my deepest secret, I guessed he could know all of them.

The reason I hadn't been on Earth for two days was because I had been forcing myself to do at home work in order to get Tyler off of my back. I'd told him that while I was tired, I could do file work and observance of other Finders, and for some reason he'd agreed. It had been hard for me to ignore all the thoughts of how much I just wanted to go see Phil, but I knew I would be able to see him more if I tore down any trace of suspicion from Tyler.

I was lucky when I'd seen him the day after that, despite how late he'd been. I hadn't minded; it was fine to sit there and dwell on my anxious thoughts, letting leaves blow around me and letting wind shake dust from my hair. It returned soon after.

Phil pressing his thigh against mine was more intimacy than I had ever felt in my demon life. I was sure I had felt more as a human since I'd had a boyfriend, but now... it was so unfamiliar. It was so nice, though, and that was why I'd let him remain there, and that was why I'd let a smile find it's way to my lips no matter how much I wanted to hate the closeness. Not talking was something I thought would be strange between us, but staring out at the calm waves of the water as the blue above us melded with colors of purple, red, orange, and pink; it had made me happy. This time, I wasn't angry about feeling that way. This time, I'd allowed myself to feel the angel's presence so close to me and be happy about it. I was still trying to convince myself that I had absolutely no problem with that. The truth was that I did, even if I didn't want to anymore.

The next day, I wondered if it would be the same. Would we return to talking and forget yesterday had ever happened, or would we share more hours of sitting in a tranquil silence? I couldn't say that I minded either option; it all depended on how Phil felt about the whole situation. It was at times like this I wished I could either read minds, or just communicate with others effectively.

PJ and I still hadn't spoken. It was all me being an asshole that caused the issue, but I couldn't bring myself to go to him and apologize. I would, eventually, but I guessed today was not the day. I mostly spoke with Troye now, since he liked to stay and work on Earth the same days I did. Having friends in Hell had downsides, though, one of them being the fact that demons had nothing to talk about except fires and killing. Months ago I wouldn't have been able to imagine seeing something negative about this, yet for some reason I grimaced when Troye spoke of mercilessly killing a pregnant mother and making the almost due child a crud because we couldn't afford to have demon babies. Children over five were fine, but no younger. I hated how gruesome it was.

I ignored these thoughts, simply because I couldn't afford to be acting strangely when I was trying to prove that my life was nothing but as normal as ever.