Dangerous Life

Chapter Nine

Xavier's POV

Grace hasn't looked at me since we got in the car. I don't blame her, but I still hate it. I hate seeing her like this and I hate the feeling that's eating away at me from the inside out.

I didn't mean what I said to her in the ultrasound about the baby and I don't mean to act like I don't care. I just can't let her know that this has hurt me as much as it has. Seeing that image on the screen, even only for a few minutes made me feel protective immediately - a different kind of protectiveness than the one I feel for Grace. A fatherly one. That was my baby and I would've looked after it, I wouldn't have been the Father mine was to me. I'm sure of it. Grace would've been sure of it.

But right now, a baby would've been an easy and vulnerable target they could use to get at me. A target that I would do anything to keep safe, exactly like Grace. Yet, even though I know that it's better this way - it still hurts.

And the part I hate the most above all else is that it's made Grace so upset. I know she's putting on a brave face and that makes me angry. I can shield her from most things, keep her away from anything that will hurt her, but I had no control over this. I can't do anything to make it better. I can't even stay with her while she's sad because I have to many things to go and deal with right now.

Including Zana.

"You missed the turn" her soft voice catches my attention. I glance back to the round about I just drove straight past.

"Fuck, sorry baby" I run a hand down my face, pulling into a driveway to turn back around again. I immediately realise what I just said. I didn't even think about it, it's something I always occasionally called her. "I'm sorry" I apologise again, although my sincerity is covered by the cold front I can't let down. "It just slipped out, I didn't mean to say it."

"It's alright."

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Grace clutches her phone tightly between her fingers as I stare up at the corporate building she somehow manages to work in. She's so talented and successful and kind, she deserves better than this.

"Have a good day" she whispers politely and I frown, hating how unsure her voice sounds. Nothing like this has ever happened before between us and I hold her arm when she tries to climb from the car without thinking about it.

"I love you" I desperately hope she knows I mean it. I know she wants wants to know about Zana, but I can't tell her. Not yet anyway. I wish the baby could've been healthy. I loved the look she had in her eyes when she saw the small image of it on the screen and it made a very large part of me wish we were a normal couple. That I could be normal fiancé for her instead of one whose to worried about his own selfish issues.

"I love you too" she leans over, kissing my cheek in the most tender way possible which I don't deserve. "Are you okay?" she whispers as she pulls away, she's too angelic for her own good.

"I'm sorry" my lame attempt of an apology won't make up for how I acted when we found out about the baby. I don't know how to react to stuff that happens which I can't control. Usually I can control everything that happens in my life and I couldn't with this. It was out of my hands and now I've probably made Grace feel worse.

"It's not your fault" she looks away from me. "It was just a little dot anyway right?"

"I didn't mean that Grace" my head falls back against the seat behind me. "I just said it because I was trying not to be upset over it. You know I say dumb stuff in situations that are out of my control."

"You're a dick when you're like that" she mumbles honestly and I nod. I already know that. "It's like you have two personalities. There's you now whose all loving and sweet and then as soon as we're around anyone else or your in gang leader mode you change into this completely different person and I don't recognise you."

"I didn't get to where I am today by being loving and sweet" I don't look at her, although I know she's watching me. "But I really wanted our baby to be healthy, I hope you know that."

"I wanted that too" her voice trembles in the tiniest way. I know she's trying not to get upset again and I frown she opens her door, unlocking her seatbelt.

"I need to go" she looks up at me, brown hair surrounding her pale cheeks and ending just past her shoulders. "Can you pick me up later? I don't have a car here."

"Of course I will" I want to say something else to her, I just don't know what. She shuts the door before I can think of anything to say so I end up slamming fists against the side of the steering wheel with frustration instead. 

What a fucking disaster.

Graces POV

"Grace, come on in" Mrs O'Conner ushers me into her lavish office after I finally left the tension filled car Xavier drove off in. I can only hope my fake smile fools her enough so she doesn't think anythings wrong. So far she seems to believe me.

She's one of the most incredibly successful people I know and she's barely forty. Everyone who works here calls her a dragon, but all I see is a hard working women who deserves everything that she has.

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" I take the seat opposite hers as she places her elbows on the wooden desk. A takeaway coffee cup between her fingers.

"I have to be honest Grace I wasn't sure about employing you at first" I'm slightly taken back by her honest sentence. "I mean you were barely 23, straight out of college, no actual experience in a law firm" I nod unsurely, unable to find anything to say. "But I saw potential and I have to say, you've impressed me. Your work ethic and the results I'm seeing are better than the people who have been here for years, plus - our clients love you."

"Thank you?" I've never received any kind of a complement from her before. Usually she's so black and white that her bluntness terrifies me.

"I'd like to promote you" she goes straight to the point and my eyes widen as she hands me some kind of contract. "You don't have to take the offer of course. Go home and read over it, talk to your fiancé, your family, or whoever it is you need to.  I think it's a great opportunity for someone like you to go far in this company. It will mean more travel of course, you'll have to come with me to conferences around different parts of the world and manage a team, but I believe you can do it. There will be an obvious pay rise of course. And I wouldn't expect you to start your new role until your back from your honeymoon."

"I - " my fingers flick through the pages. I'm beyond shocked. This is all I've ever wanted since I first left for law school. Money doesn't matter to me, but this amazing opportunity means the world. "Thank you" I'm unbelievably taken back and she smiles at this. I think this is the first time I've ever actually seen her smile.

"Don't thank me, you've worked for it. You deserve it."

"I do?" I'm so shocked I can barely read anything in the contract in front of me. "Really, Ms O'Conner - thank you so much."

"You're welcome Grace, just get back to me with an answer by the end of the week" I can only nod, surely this can't really be happening. "Now get out of my office and do some work" is she teasing me? I've never even seen her even try to be the slightest bit emotional before.

"I will - I - just thank you" I know I've repeated myself a million times over but this is like all of my dreams coming true. At least one things gone well today, it's just not the one I wanted as badly as the first.