her ➳ hq! x reader

that's all ➳ o.t

requested by: icetweaa

synopsis: he wanted to run away, for her light was too blinding for him to bear.

he ran and ran and ran, but when they said their goodbyes, she held up her head and smiled.

at one point in our lives, something that is truly painful will break your heart—

such as the end of a love.

~*~*~*~

Oikawa

I woke up to another dull day, the sun rays pitying me in the process. I touched the empty space of my bed, only to be reminded that it was over. Only to be reminded of the pain I—we—went through. I clutched the sheets, hard. You're no longer here in this empty room, though I guess I should be grateful for small mercies. If I could talk to you just once more, I wonder what I should talk about.

With the chirping birds outside, it reminded me of the new day I'll be facing henceforth, I stood up from my bed as I walked towards my veranda; sliding it open to let the cool breeze touch my skin. "It's almost Winter, after all." I muttered to no one in particular, looking down from the second floor to gaze down at the quiet neighbourhood. I replayed our break-up on my head, the scenario breaking me all over again.

During our last meeting, I really wanted to kiss you; but that was a privilege that has been revoked. You knew I was ending it, do you? You wanted time to move slow, smiling at me as if nothing's wrong, as if you're ignoring the words that will come out of my mouth—in this place—with nothing but the air as the audience of our endgame.

This was the moment.

"(First name), I'm sorry. Let's break up." I told you straightforwardly. You were taken aback, looking at me with a straight expression before it changed into a shocked one. "W-Why? W-What's wrong?" You asked me and as the coward that I am, I couldn't bring myself to break out the news that I was scared of you—scared of how you understand me so well, that words aren't needed in order for you to get what I meant. I was scared of love. I was scared because it was so new.

"I don't understand Tooru," I remembered you calling out to me, "what happened to us—to our everything—where did it go wrong, Tooru? When did we fall apart?" The corner of your eyes are brimming with tears, all of a sudden I had the urge to hold you. I wanted to tell you that I wasn't serious, I wanted to tell you that it was obviously a blatant lie; that I never did fall out of love.

It's just that you were always shining, I couldn't stand your light.

But as if to mock me with this thinking of mine, the light in your eyes disappeared—just like a short-circuiting machine."Tooru," You said my name, but I did not look at you. I was too scared. I was too scared for my feelings to get the better of me. What a coward. "do you love me?" I poured you down in water, I destroyed you. "...I don't. I'm sorry."

What kind of childish game am I playing out right now? I don't love you? It's not the truth. I had always loved you, from the bottom of my heart, all that I wished for is you. You, you, you. It was always you. Tomorrow, I hope you'll forget everything about you and me. Tomorrow, I hope you won't cry, or your tears are going to stay forever in my mind.

It won't be easy to forget everything, but it will be fine. I will be be fine. I'm sure you will, too. I repeated the same words over and over again.

I'm going to disappear from your sight—that's all.
Just like how you disappeared from my sight—that's all.

I closed my eyes, forcing to convince myself that it was in fact—the right thing to do. Burying my face into my hands, I kept thinking about your face when you accepted the break-up. Everything will be okay, maybe not now, but it will be eventually.

You won't have to look so sad anymore—that's all.
And you won't have to go through so much pain anymore—that's all.

"I see," You smiled at me. "thank you for everything, Tooru. Thank you for the three years." Finally—I was looking at you, it caught me off-guard. You smiled between the tears that flowed down your face. You were still shining—as if the light is taking you away. How? How can you shine like that? How can someone shine so much? I don't understand. I don't want to understand.

I'm going to disappear from your sight—that's all.
Just like how you disappeared from my sight—that's all.

When those six words fell out of your mouth however, I couldn't contain myself from crying. You walked away. You walked away with a smile. I don't get it, (First name). Why is that even after so many heartaches I've caused you, you were still able to understand me at the very end? I was an idiot, a coward.

Shakily steadying my breath, I wiped off the tears that filled my face, looking up to the sky in order to alleviate the pain inside my chest. I smiled, thinking that somewhere in this world, you're steadily looking at the sky. "Be happy, (First name). I'm rooting for you."

It wasn't a lie. I just love you too much.

That's all.

~*~*~*~

"Tooru, thank you for your kind lie."