Nixon

••• Thirty-Nine •••

We only truly come to understand death when he puts his hands on the ones of who he love and takes them from us. Not only did death place his hands upon the man that I loved, but he also took the father of my child from me without a single feeling a guilt in his soulless form. For two weeks I have stayed put within the walls of this office, the walls closing in on me as I stare upon the journal in the center of the desk, just laying there, as if Pandora's Box, teasing me, mocking me, trying to coax me into opening it and releasing the demons of so many years, but we both need time to grieve. No matter how much I detest his presence, we are both grieving the loss of our lovers, our soulmates, and are wanting to push away the world when we are expected to make appearances and tell the public our side of the events, of our views, of why our side if the one to join.

Zion lost Sybil and I lost Nixon. Elijah was the one to call me, to tell me the news, to inform me that Nixon would not be returning home. He pointed the gun at Sybil and took her out, only for royal guards to shoot him down, a quick and painless death, but still painful to me. There is not enough time in a life to express the emotions I have gone through since that news reached my ears. The pack doctor was worried I would lose our child, Nixon's daughter, my daughter, our daughter. The pack wanted me to grieve, to take all the time I needed, but they know just as I do that time for grieving was never an option as work would have to be done right away to carry out what Nixon would still want me to do.  Action must be taken now rather than later, but I cannot just pretend that I am strong once more and go and out up with people who will either ask me of how I am taking the news or just watch from afar as they take pity. Crimson Lock has done both, either asking their Luna if she is okay, or watching me for the few moments that I am outside these office walls. Elijah told me that Nixon's body was on the way, Zion at least having that must sympathy for me, to allow me to bury the body of the man I loved, the father of my child, and the leader of the pack I am now not just Luna of, but Alpha of as well.

A pregnant, widow, young, and human Alpha of Crimson Lock, one of the strongest packs in North America and also a rogue pack. People have told me that packs have sent in treaty requests or have sent in news of wanting to hold no ties to a pack that murdered their Queen. Why did Nixon kill Sybil? Why did he not shoot Zion? Zion once told us that he wanted to kill me because it meant more suffering for Nixon than if Nixon was shot. Why kill the source of your demons when you can make your demons wish they had never been born. And now Zion will wish he had never said those words. I had watched a newscast for the werewolf community talk about the assassination of Sybil, how she had tried to talk Nixon into putting the gun down, but in return, he fired at her. They say that Zion does not wish to speak with the public still, Elijah taking over for the press as I have learned that Elijah is Zion's right hand man, but in reality, Zion has no idea the forces he has allowed into his inner circle. What does Elijah have against Zion? Elijah told me that Zion ruined his mate, that he made his mate become an outcast of the royal court and become a disgrace to her family. As for specifics, Elijah said he would tell me soon enough.

With a knock at the door, I know that today is the day I told myself I would compose myself for just an hour. I decided yesterday that today I would pick myself up and pretend that I am doing better than I actually am. With a simple pair of dark wash jeans and an old navy flannel of Nixon's, I am not dressed for appearances, but I know that this pack needs their new Alpha now more than ever. A week ago the ceremony took place for me, my palm sliced open over a warm fire filled with magic as a witch stood beside me, casting the title of Alpha upon me as I could only feel the tears streaming down my face as I thought of my deceased husband. I heard my name in the news the other day, the anchorman talking about Crimson Lock, about how their Alpha is a female human, an age gap between me and Nixon, and how packs are wondering if I will even survive an attack if one happens. An enemy of the crown, but I know Zion will not attack. Nixon believed that Zion would not come after me because Zion should know better, but I do not see his trail of thought. Zion would come after me because he has done it before and has an even greater reason to now more than ever.