I Found Love In Your Eyes

Chapter 5

I woke up early for school, which was definitely rare. I had slept real well last night, dreaming about those pretty blue orbs that belonged to Phil Lester. Oh just thinking about his eyes, hair, body, and his voice, God his voice was perfect in every way. You idiot shut up Dan you are falling in love with this boy that will never love you back. He will never care about you, no one does, or ever will care about you. You are alone in this world and that's how it always has been and always will be. I decide to force myself out of bed and turn on some music to drown out my thoughts as I get ready. The first thing I do is go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and straighten my hair, hey gotta at least make some part of me straight. Afterwards I head back to my room to pick out an outfit which should not be hard because all I wear is black skinny jeans and a black top(TØP- haha I'm so funny). I proceed to remove my pajama bottoms as I stand in front of the mirror. I stare at my legs which are covered in red stripes, some new, some old, all etched into my skin for the rest of my life. I also take off my hoodie and stare at the collection of gashes that also litter my arms. It really never took much to hide the cuts though - a fake smile, an odd joke, some bandages and a long sleeved hoodie. It was really simple.
"Dan hurry hon you need time to eat breakfast and I have to go to work." My mom called from down stairs which snapped me out of whatever trance I was in, just staring at my battle scars in the mirror.
"I'll be right down, I'm almost ready."
"Ok" she called up the stairs
I hurry and look away from the mirror and get ready so that I don't make my mom late for work. Once I'm done getting ready and I've checked in the mirror to make sure I look depressing enough I head out my bedroom door turning my lights out behind me and heading down stairs to the kitchen.
"Hi so I only have granola we are out of cereal but I'll pick some up with my next pay check" my mom says fast as she rushes around the house gathering her stuff for work.
"Ok mom"
"Also you will have to ride the bus I have to leave now and I can't take you to school"
"Oh ok. Have fun at work."
"and you have fun at school." My mom says as she kisses my cheeks than runs out of the house so she isn't late for her job. I eventually get on the bus and soon after arrive at school. Since I had a little extra time before school started I thought it would be fun to write a poem but nothing happy came to mind so all of the poems were depressing. I felt like finally all my emotions had a purpose, and it felt good to write it down than to build it all up inside. One of my poems that was crap, went like-

"My mind is a hell hole.
I'm messed up.
I'm screwed up.
Just face the facts.
Some people are meant for life,
And
Some are meant for death."

Ah who am I kidding it's complete and utter shit. So I erased it and wrote a new one.

"One little cut couldn't hurt
one little cut
Leads to another
And another
Until my arms are dripping red
And I'm completely dead
Death wouldn't be so bad
It's better then life
Especially when living
Isn't exactly living anymore
It's just, not dying. "

Wow I need to just face the facts I'm not good at anything. I marked one line through it but not enough to block out any words and I scribbled a few words at the bottom of the page that read "IM EVEN FUCKING SHIT AT POEMS! IS THERE ANYTHING I'M GOOD AT! NO THERE ISN'T BECAUSE YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT DAN A GIGANTIC IDIOT, EMO, FAGGOT WITH NO POINT IN LIVING!" Than I proceeded to rip the page out of my notebook and throw it away, so no one could see it. Little did I know, I missed the garbage can when I had thrown my paper away and it landed on the floor and someone picked it up.