Dreaming of Alten

Chapter 16. Real Life

I drive us to school the next morning. Lily sits in the passenger seat, staring blankly out of the window. The radio is on, playing a song we both hate, but neither of us moves to change the station.

We don't say anything the whole way to school.

I turn into the school parking lot and pull into the first space I see. I cut the engine and we both just sit where we are for a long minute. Lily is still staring out of her window, looking hollow and sad. She doesn't seem to have noticed where we are.

"Lily?" I say, finally. "We're here. We should go."

"Okay." But she still doesn't move.

"Lily, we have to go. The bell's going to ring."

"Okay." She sits there for about thirty seconds more, and just when I think that I'm going to have to remind her again, she grabs her bag and opens her door.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask, as I walk her to her classroom.

"I don't know," says Lily.

~

With everything that's been going on with Lily, I haven't really had time to think about Alten. But the moment I walk into Ms. Brennan's class and put my books on my desk, I'm aware of a cold empty feeling inside my stomach.

I still don't know if it was all just a dream or if I had some kind of mental breakdown or if he really did come to life. All of it felt so real. If I close my eyes, I can almost see Alten smiling at me from the desk next to mine.

In reality, there's nothing but an empty chair where he used to sit.

I blink sudden tears out of my eyes and open my notebook. A piece of paper flutters out and falls onto the floor. My heart leaps as I bend down to pick it up, but it's just a flyer for the dance that I must have put inside in my notebook when I was in a hurry to get to another class.

The dance.

It's almost like the universe is conspiring to give me constant reminders of everything I thought I had or could have had with Alten. I can still picture the green dress I was going to wear. I can still feel the kiss Alten gave me after he asked me to the dance. I still remember everything, and I can feel my heart breaking with every memory that flashes through my mind.

What happened to him? Why isn't he in my dreams anymore? Why is there nothing in my dreams? Did Colin really kill Alten? Or did I kill Alten by pulling him into my reality in the first place, if that ever really happened? Is all of this my fault?

I feel a tear slide down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away as Ms. Brennan comes into the room.

Just before she closes the classroom door, I see a sight that takes my breath away. Kimberly and Colin, hand in hand, walking past the doorway.

~

I know Ms. Brennan hates giving out bathroom passes, but I ask for one anyway. She glares at me as she hands it to me, but all I can think about is getting out of that classroom and going somewhere to be alone.

My legs are shaking as I walk into the bathroom. I can't concentrate. I can't think. I lean against the sinks and stare at myself in the mirror. My face is completely white.

I lower my head to stare at the floor. I'm hyperventilating and I can hear myself making little whimpering sounds as I try to catch my breath.

What is going on?

If everything that happened with Alten was really a dream, how is it that Colin's still here? Maybe I did have a mental breakdown and everything I thought happened was some sort of psychotic episode, although, if so, why would Colin be a part of that? It wasn't like we were ever close, or were even friends.