Time of the Year

1

"I've tried talking to her...she's..." the recent acting clinical lead sighed. "...She shouldn't be here...She looks exhausted." Stated Elle with nothing but genuine worry and concern behind the observation.
"And she's being rude to everyone...don't take it personally...I try not to..." it was then Jacob saw her, just a few paces away with a look of disbelief directed straight at him. "...Connie?"
"Connie wait..." called Jacob as he went in pursuit.
"Get on with your work senior staff nurse masters...Save your gossiping for the pub." Connie told him dryly and without emotion or feeling as if she'd just caught him talking about some nameless agency worker.
"It's because we're worried about you." His voice full of desperation and on some levels defeat, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. She couldn't see past the wall she'd built around herself, maybe didn't even what to see, her guard was up and she had shields a life time in the making. The Connie he fell in love with was nowhere in sight, all that remained was a cold shell of a woman who had taken all the heart ache she could stand.
"I don't need either of you worrying about me..." She waved him off as if he was nothing more than an annoying fly hovering around her. "...we're done."
"Con-" "-We. Are. Done!" The venom it was said with stopped Jacob in his tracks like he'd hit a brick wall, slamming into it chest first, his heart crumbling on impact. He knew what she had meant.
...
It was late as he watched her retreating figure head back upstairs, back to her daughter, back to her self made isolation. If he'd had known it would be the last time he would see her...he was certain he would have made more effort, but he wasn't to know Connie's first shift back would be her last. He found out later that her leave was open ended, that the recovery of her daughter would determine the length of her absence.
...
For two weeks anger simmered just below the surface, not towards Connie but himself. He didn't fight and he didn't cling on to what he'd found, he just let her walk away.
He hoped, with every day and every week that passed for a glimpse of her, that she'd come in search of the one person she hadn't pushed away.
Charlie, who also happened to be his very own confidante, his last remaining link and source of information.
At the start of every shift his first port of call was always Charlie to get a little tipbit to sooth him, to find out Grace's progress and state of Connie's mental health because even though she'd hurt him she would always have his heart.
"She misses you." Charlie had told him three weeks later.
Surprise was Jacob's first reaction. "She said that?" He asked, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline.
"She asks after you?" Clarified Charlie.
Jacob was unconvinced. "Okay..." the older nurse held his hands up. "...so I tell her about you...She doesn't tell me to stop...maybe if you went to see her-" "-I appreciate what your trying to do." Grimaced Jacob squeezing his friends shoulder before heading back to work, back into the department that would always remind him of her.
...
He wasn't sure when his anger had dissipated, there wasn't a specific moment he could put his finger on, it had just mellowed, cooled into a resigned haze.
He had accepted that he and Connie were over even though deep down in the depths of his soul a little flicker of hope still remained, it was small and you would have to really focus to see it but it was there. Jacob knew for as long as he drew breath he would always have that because they were good together, as unlikely as that was, they worked, no matter their differences, pay grade or outlook on life. They fit together, coaxing the best out of each other, making a whole. They would have worked.
The crash wasn't the cause of their downfall, it was how they chose to deal with it. Connie's single minded focus and his stubborn pride.
If she hadn't felt the need to protect herself and let him in, if the real Connie was open to comfort and support. If he had taken on advice instead of wallowing, if he'd just given her time and found the right words to say.
...
The persistent Christmas songs playing in reception grating on his very last nerve, reminding him what he'd lost, of his family festivities he imagined them sharing. It most certainly wasn't the most wonderful time of the year. Jacob could feel the delicate acceptance he'd found slipping as it teeters on the edge of depression, he would be alone this year.
He'd worked last Christmas to be with her, so this year the rota dictated that the day was his and he wished it wasn't. He had two options, use his powers to give someone the shift off and spread some Christmas cheer. Or, take up residence in the pub, using his friends as an excuse and the reason behind the oblivion he was certain to get himself into.
He sagged against the nurses station as he contemplated his choices.
"Just go." Jacob jumped from his thoughts to find Charlie frowning at him from the other side of the desk.
"What?"
"Just go..." Charlie repeated. "...they get the verdict today."
"I know and it would have been a long week for all of them..." Jacob shuck his head. "...the last thing they...that Connie needs is me turning up." The truth was he didn't know, they hadn't spoken now for two months but he couldn't face more rejection in his current state. It would most definitely push him passed the breaking point, embarrassing him and almost certainly gaining people's pity.
"Your both as stubborn as each other." Huffed Charlie as he picked up another patient file and went back to work.
...
He must be mad, a glutton for punishment he thinks as he leans in his suit and winter coat against the wall of the courthouse. Hands stuffed into his pockets and his collar turned up in an attempt to stave off the cold, it was getting late but still he waited.
His stomach jumped at the sound of the heavy main entrance door creaking open and then her distinctive laugh, he stayed statue like as she walk passed him unaware.
Sam followed behind pushing Grace in a wheelchair, he heard she was recovering well despite the slow progress.
Jacob watched on as the three of them hugged, celebrating, he decided. The news they received must have been in their favour and that was enough for him. To know she was happy.
He wasn't needed.
So he left. Head hung he disappeared into the crowd of shoppers scurrying about collecting presents for their loved ones. Oblivious and in a world of his own he didn't hear his name being called, over the murmuring public and his busy thoughts Connie's voice went unheard.