Time of the Year

4

New year, the first of January. It filled people with hope. A hope that this year would be better than the last. A fresh start, a clean slate. But in reality the majority of us trudge along with the best intentions and then gradually slip back into our old ways, comfortable ways. We're creatures of habit and only the strongest, most determined of us can make that change.
Jacob was one of the few or so he thought.
Walking into work ready for his clean slate, a brand new year, he had confidence in his stride and a smile on his face. He was leaving the past where it belonged and moving on.
...
There she was, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Stunned into place as she was greeted by well wishing colleagues, he watched her as uncomfortable with the attention as ever and it made his smile widen. Not because of her awkwardness but because it was his favourite clinical lead stood before him. Not the uptight Mrs Beauchamp he'd met when he first arrived and certainly not the vicious woman she'd become before her leave. This was the tolerant one that had a smile to spare every now and again, that listened to her underlings but not quite the woman who danced with him in her office.
...
It tested him and his clean slate he so desperately wanted, the first time he spoke to her.
"Hi." He uttered after knocking on her office door. "The patient files you needed have arrive." Placing them carefully in her hands he turned to leave.
"Your avoiding me." She accused.
"No..I've just been busy." He winced when his words came out harsher than he'd intended. "How's Grace doing?" He asked in way of apology.
"She's doing well...She's coming in later for her physio if you'd like to see her." Hoped Connie.
"Maybe." He said with a tight smile. The truth was he missed Grace as much as he missed her mum and he wasn't sure he be able to find the words.
Today have been harder than he imagined and after only one day of the new year he found his resolve wavering. It would have been easier if his least favourite clinical lead had turned up to work this morning, at least then the women who had crushed him would be there right in front of him as a reminder.
...
Weeks and months passed with not much change, well not for Jacob. Connie had settled back onto work and her routine with Grace, her confidence had returned along with her playfulness. She tried daily to draw him into conversation and it annoyed him greatly when he realised he must had looked like the biggest fool going, grinning like a child at Christmas, eagerly accepting her attention.
His new years resolution to move on was becoming a farce, he was doing no such thing, so with that realisation he went on the prowl. His sights set on finding someone, not necessarily miss right, just someone to help him forget.
...
He could watch like this for hours and dare he say the rest of his life, stood across from her at the nurses station as she sorted through files. She battered away queries and second opinions left right and centre. A picture of serenity. Completely at ease and in her element. Taking control of each and everything thrown at her, she was a natural leader, someone to respect and look up to.
"So how was your date last night?" Trust Cal to be wholly inappropriate, the question was asked within Connie's ear shot and she instantly stiffened and faltered in her latest set of instructions.
The tiny bit of joy he felt at her reaction lasted only a split second before it morphed into guilt and he knew he wanted to make it right.
"Awful." He didn't lie and he hoped she'd heard.
The woman in question wasn't for him, she was to eager, to sickly sweet. She laughed at jokes he knew Connie would have rolled her eyes at, laid everything on a plate for him to take what he wanted and he wanted none of it.
His gaze flickered back to Connie as Grace bounded up, they hugged both happy to see the other and it warmed him to see the two of them so close again.
"I think someone's been ruined." Whispered his friend and nodding in the direction of his muse.
Jacob agreed, how could he not when in his attempt to move on all he found was her again. Connie, she filled his thoughts daily and nobody could compare to her grace, her intelligence and beauty.
"Hi Jacob." In his dazed he'd missed the young girls descent on him.
"Hey firecracker." He didn't know what to say. "How's school?" He listened to her tails and moans till she through him a question that nearly knocked him off his feet.
"Why aren't you and mum together anymore?"
"It's complicated." The truth was he didn't even know, not now, the breakup and all the feelings that went with it was a distant memory, like a bad dream. The hurt had faded and left behind a wounded pride.
"Is it because of me?" Jacob shuck his head. "Because mum won't tell me either."
Jacob felt in some part responsible for the young girls distress, it was him that was holding her mum at arms length.
He wanted to make it right but that would mean leaving himself open to more heartache. "We both said things to hurt each other...Not because we meant them but because we were angry...we need to learn to be friends again." It was the most diplomatic he could be without telling an outright lie.
...
She was beautiful, striding across the car park with Grace in tow. They laughed and joked together so carefree and no curious onlooker would ever believe the hardships both mother and daughter had faced.
They were in a world of their own, oblivious to Jacob's observation as he sat on the bench, coffee in hand wishing he was involved in their private joke.
Maybe he was ready to move on but not in the typical sense. He wasn't ready to leave them behind, they were his future and he could see that clear as day.