I Am NOT Gay •Phan•

•Chapter 6•

Their lips separate and Dan stares intensely into Phil's eyes.

"Hey Phil," Dan whispers.

"Yeah?"

"No homo though..." A wide smile spreads across Dan's face and Phil pushes him off.

"Oh wow, you're a dingus." He laughs making his way to a packed suitcase. He throws it a top the bed and unzips it, gathering the clothes he'd be wearing to the arcade.

"Awe don't leave me..." Dan whines.

"I'll be right back. I need a shower." Phil turns to head to the bathroom, leaving Dan sat alone on the bed.

'I actually kissed a guy.' Dan thought. He wasn't sure how to react. Should he be happy or worried? Should he have liked it? Questions rushed to his mind and he was slowly slipping away from reality, being sucked into the darkness that is his thoughts.

____

"No Dan!"

"You don't understand, he's not bad I promise."

"I don't care, it's not what you've been taught! You will live by the rules you were raised by."

Dan sighs, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"But he's different! With him it's not wrong, with him it's only ever right."

"I will not tell you again! You're wrong, you've been corrupted. I will not allow you to make such mistakes, it's absolute nonsense!"

Tears streamed down his cheeks and he couldn't form anymore words, Dan was drained of energy. Every ounce he once had was now gone.

______

"Dan!"

The room was a blur, Dan's hand were tangled in his hair tugging. Everything was unidentifiable for the first few moments and noises seemed so distant.

"Dan, what happened?!" Phil rested his hands on Dan's shoulders.

He had walked out of the bathroom only to see Dan sitting in the corner where the bed met the wall. His knees were at his chest and his hands tangled in his hair, tears streaming down his cheeks. Phil had called out to Dan multiple times, but he wasn't responding.

Dan heard Phil's voice growing closer as he began to realize where he actually was. When he came to he sat in shock staring at Phil before collapsing on his shoulder sobbing.

"Oh Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't think you were serious when you asked me to stay." Dan shook his head.

"I was only joking, but..." He trailed his voice quiet and weak, "the thoughts."

"It's okay, everything is going to be alright." Phil rubbed Dan's back comfortingly.

"How can everything be okay, if nothing's okay?" Broken sobs fill the room.

"What do you mean?" Phil was confused, but in a way he understood what Dan was saying.

"How can everything be okay, when the one thing that makes me happy isn't even aloud to make me happy?"

"What are you going on about?" Phil stared at Dan a look of confusion now displayed upon his face.

"They said it's wrong, I wasn't raised that way. They won't let me love you even if I think it's something special because I was brought up differently!" Dan stuffs his face further into Phil's neck.

"Who said that." There was no way Dan had told anyone about it, he wouldn't, or rather he couldn't.

"Them." And that's when Phil finally understood. It wasn't another person who made Dan so upset, it was his self. Or the voices residing in his head that is. He was at a war with himself over what was right and what wasn't, and Phil couldn't help Dan win this battle no matter how hard he tried. Dan had to do this for hisself.

"Dan I can't help you with this, you have to do this yourself." Dan nodded.

"I know, it's just hard. They don't like to listen. I tried to explain that you were different, I tried so hard, but they weren't having it. No matter what I said." He clutched Phil's shirt. Phil just nodded and listened. "I don't know what to do."

"How about we go to that arcade so that way we can take your mind off this for awhile? Maybe clear up the jumble of feelings you've got hitting you all at once, then later well try to work out some ways to help with your situation." Dan nodded before sitting up.

"Thank you Phil. You're truly amazing." Dan kissed Phil's cheek before standing to get ready. "Will you come with me?" He sounded worried, afraid.

"Of course, wherever you need me and whenever you need me just let me know and I'll be right there with you." Dan smiled and they headed to his room.

~~~~~~

It took awhile to find the arcade that was supposedly inside the hotel. It was a long journey but they did it. They wondered into a few rooms by accident and awkwardly had to apologize before quickly exiting the room.

"This took forever." Dan huffed, "It better be worth it."

"I'm sure it will." Phil immediately spots an air hockey table placed in the corner of the room. He grabs Dan's wrist and drags him to it. "If I win I get to kiss you, if you win I'll get you something from the claw machine."

Dan thought about it, he didn't know if he wanted to let Phil win or if he wanted to win his self.

"Okay, deal."

A grin spread across Phil's face.
"Game on lover boy."