The walking Dead (Preferences and Imagines)

Carl x Read (Fear in your eyes)

WARNINGS: suicidal, cursing, death, and I cried a little writing this so beware

Everyone was lined up, all scared of us scared own reasons but me? not a bead of sweat left my pores. I wasn't scared I knew that there was probability I'd be the one to die, I wanted that. If it came down to it I'd be the sacrifice and while everyone would cry and try to look away, I knew they'd get over it, just like they did with everyone else we lost. Even Carl the love of my life, even he could move on. I kneeled tall next to Eugene who looked liked he was scared shit-less, he had a tendency of feeling like that. Soon the RV door opened and I could feel the tension rise, if that was even possible.
"Well good morning folks, the show is on!" He said I couldn't tell what is was but his voice was laced with something, something that sent shivers down the spine of full grown men.
"Aw come one don't look so down this is a fair game, I wouldn't do this if you didn't provoke it, now which one of you is the leader?" One of his men pointed his gun at Rick to point him out.
"Rick right?" Rick stayed silent, I was slightly shocked, this was new for Rick it almost scared me.
"Well Rick you killed a lot of my men, too many for comfort no cool, now I can't just let that shit slide so someone's going to have to die. haha that rhymed, but I can't just pick someone I gotta make this fun."
He walked through the line getting a good look at all of us until he got to me, I looked in front of me as if I was a soldier ready for war.
"and what's your name?"
"Y/N." my voice came out bland and lifeless, I heard Carl's tears next to me, my poor baby.
"You scared." He grinned.
"No." he then looked at me confused, how was this little girl in pigtail braids not scared of a grown man with a barbed wire baseball bat.
"You should be, who knows you might just fucking die." He laughed and Carl continued his cry, I just wanted to hold him.
"I want to die, I always have, it doesn't get better, it never will."
"Though life huh? Mommy and daddy didn't love you? You watch them die? Oh was it messy?"
"My dad left me when my sister was born, my mom became abusive and left me and my sister as soon as the apocalypse happened, and I watched my sister get eaten alive by walkers all because of my mistake." My face stayed solid as stone, he couldn't break me I already broken.
"Round of applause for this girl's fucking struggle, it must be so hard to be you."
He laughed again and his men laughed right with him. Carl looked at me and I looked back just to let me know I was fine.
"Aw this your boyfriend? You my friend can do ten times better than the future serial killer over here, you're smoking hot. Now little boy let me ask you, is she a freak in the sheets? She looks like one."
"I don't believe I can do better sir, you know my story nobody what's a girl who's depressed and on the verge of loosing her mind."
"Oh we pulled out the sir card I like it, you know what? You're being such a good little girl you know, and I like to reward good behavior." I finally looked at him.
"Pick three people and I won't kill them or you."
"Are you serious?" I was shocked, how could such an evil man reward me while he's trying to kill my family.
"I'm a man of my word, now choose." I can't choose, what if I make the wrong choice and someone I love dies. None of them deserve to die I can't handle this pressure, but it's a choice I have to make.
"Any day sweetheart." His voice was stern, I had to choose. All eyes were on me this was it.
"Glenn." I took a deep breathe knowing he had to live, and so did his wife and child, they were my family.
"Maggie." I hate that I only have one choice left I had to choose my lover.
"Carl." I could hear him let out air in relief. I really hope I don't regret my choices.
"Alright then take these four and put them over there so they can watch the show."
we were dragged over only feet away from the lineup I leaned against Carl, I couldn't tell if I was comforting him or myself.
We all took deep breaths praying to god it wasn't someone really important to us. Sure everyone there was family but I could deal with some more then others. He sung the words to eenie meenie as he moved his bat from one person to the next, he didn't play the game fair so it was hard to tell who could get it. Everyone had fear in their eyes tears falling out onto this cheeks, it hurt me to see my family in pain, guilt coming over me, should I sacrifice? That question replayed in my brain until I heard him stop, the bat was on Abraham. I sighed in relief, I never really did like that man, but I knew his death would hurt my favorite person, Sasha. I looked at Abraham as he showed no fear for the death he was about to face, he would take it for the team but I can't help and think that should be me.
"Now you can scream and you cry, hell you'll all be doing a lot of that, but any of you try to stop me you're all dying." He looked over at us.
"Especially you four." I watched as as Abraham gave Sasha a peace sign right before he got his head smashed in.
"Woah! Would you look at that ladies and gentlemen taking it like a champ!"
"Suck. My. Nuts." Abraham got this last phrase out before Negan smacked him again, he continued until his head was nothing but shreds. I looked to Sasha and Rosita and saw they had lost it, my heart sank. Everything else was a mess, from them talking Daryl because he punched Negan to the way Negan told Rick to cut off Michonne's arm off with her own katana and then told him to stop, then him taking Rick to god knows where. I felt guilty. Why didn't I sacrifice myself, I wouldn't have to deal with watching everyone so scared and hurt.
Soon the RV pulled up and Negan was back with Rick.
"Alright so I think I've established my dominance, I'm going to go, see you all next week for our first supply haul, keep the RV, let's go boys!" He yelled and him and his men retreated. The sun was coming up and soon the men were gone we all sat there in shock, none of us knew what to say. That's when I broke down, I held in every tear and now they all came out like a waterfall.
"Y/N..." Carl tried to hold me but I pushed him away.
"No you don't get it! This is my fault, I should of made a deal with him, my life for all of yours that was the plan!" Everyone looked at me with sympathy.
"No we can't loose you, you were so strong in the line up, none of us would of ever been able to pick only 3 of us to be safe." Carl spoke while holding my shoulders.
"Sasha I'm sorry." I cried out and she got up and lifted me up holding onto my face.
"You did what you had to do, saving that little family over there is far more important then saving any of us, you knew that they had to live no matter the cost." She said referring to Maggie and Glenn, at least they were alive.
"I should of died, I'm the only one that wanted to die." Carl held me tighter then he ever had before.
"You can't die, you've saved all of us more then we can count, we would be nothing without you, I'd be nothing without you."
"We can't come back from this." I cried out again hoping they would realize.
"We always find a way." Rick piped up and I looked at him no matter how broken Rick was he had a small glimmer of hope, and that gave me hope.

(This was originally on Tumblr, Well the idea anyway, But I read it and decided to change it to make it my own, This as you see is in first person, I won't be Doing all of them like this. )