Road to Spiritual Growth

Does the ability to forgive really impact my life?

by: Heather Solomon (My Success Principles)

I have been talking to many people lately and one of the major issues they experience in their life is dealing with forgiveness. At some point, they feel wronged by someone and have been unable to let go of the hurt and pain and forgive this person. This prompted me to ask the question? Does the ability to forgive really impact my life?

I think this quote may say it best. "Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else's crime." I believe when you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power.

Everyone has suffered some sort of emotional hurt through the words or actions of another. Experiencing this hurt is completely natural, but sometimes the hurt lasts longer than it needs to. This makes it harder to be happy and, if we can't let go and move on, it can ruin relationships. Forgiveness is one of the ways you can profoundly change your life. Forgiveness doesn't mean you excuse the behavior. It just means you are no longer willing to be the victim.

A few years ago I took a class and forgiveness was one of the topics for discussion. The instructor asked if anyone had trouble in this area of their life. One of the ladies is the class stood up and said, that her husband had passed away 5 years ago and she was mad at him for leaving her and had been unable to forgive him. The instructor looked at her and said, "so how is that working out for you?" She then began to cry and said, "it's not." He then told her that he didn't know her husband but could not imagine if he ever truly loved her that he would want her to spend her life, sad and miserable. That she was not hurting her husband by holding on to this anger, frustration and pain. The only person she was hurting was herself, and due to this she was not allowing herself to let go and move on.

I have also had some issues in my past with forgiveness. My problem was, I thought if I decided to forgive someone that hurt me. I was acknowledging or accepting their behavior towards me. If I was not ok with their behavior, why would I ever forgive them. After this class I realized that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves to move on and get healthy. It in no way means you are approving of that persons negative behavior towards you. Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you're internally changing your future.

So let me ask you:

1. What toll is your "lack of forgiveness" taking on you and the people around you?
2. How does it affect your children if you can't forgive your ex-spouse, parents, or whomever?
3. Is it going to solve anything by continuing down the path you're currently on?

Understand that you have a choice. You do have a choice about how you interpret things and the actions you take afterwards. You can also change your mind and choose something different after your initial reaction. The bottom line is the choice is yours. Also, it's important to find forgiveness for yourself, as well, if you regret anything that you said or did.

Focus on the here and now. Constantly reliving the past just keeps the hurt feelings churning. One of the keys to life is to be in the present.

Move on. Forgive the person and you'll immediately feel better. We're at our best when we act with compassion. We feel great, too, when compassion and forgiveness are automatically part of our lives. Forgiveness is something that you largely do for yourself.
The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can't change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You'll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.

Anger seems justified in a lot of circumstances. However, forgiveness is a major part of the healing process that can result in a tremendous restoration. People who were once alienated after a falling out can let bygones be bygones and start fresh.

The past has value, and should not be discarded entirely. But once you've learned the lessons from the past and gotten all the benefit it offers, take what you've learned and use it to move forward with a positive attitude in the direction of your dreams. Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment.