Welcome to Hell || McLennon

Chapter Eleven

Back in Hell John counts out every minute. He's frustrated about the time he has to wait until his next meeting with Paul. He can't think about anything else.

***

Paul sits alone in his house. Hours are passing acutely slow. He still stays under the bedroom door. Linda left, taking the children with her. Macca feels lonely and broken. He has lost everything. He has lost everyone he loved so much. And what has he now? Empty fame and loneliness?

'You still have John' whispers some voice in his head.
Yes, he has John. He has him three hours a day...
Well, has he? For sure?

He feels his insides tangle in a tight knot. As if something is tearing him apart. As if something is burning up his happiness, leaving only torn soul. He doesn't even have energy to cry when something inside him dies. He has nothing. That's the end. All of his happiness disappears between his fingers. And it's only his fault.
"You fucking idiot" McCartney courses himself.
He fans the burning flame of self-hate inside. Eventually he fucked everything up himself.

What does he do now?
How to fix all of this?
Does this even make sense?
No, it doesn't. And then, for the first time, in his mind appears the thought. He doesn't want to live this way. He could end it all. End his life...
This is the only way, right? Maybe the only thing he can do properly is to kill himself.
Death induces him. But also scares.

Next he comes out with idea: If he died... He would meet John. He will be there, waiting for him.
Anyhow he'd imagine the life after death. Vision of John certainly isn't the worst. Basically it's the best solution. It's the best thing that can happen to him right now.
Just John and him. Without any limits.
This thought seems attractive to Paul but still, it sounds ridiculous. Does he even deserve such happiness? Can he afford this?

He's in such a mental condition; he can't drive these thoughts away. Exhausted by pain so he finally falls asleep, still on the floor.
When Macca wakes up, it's already dark outside. John should be here soon. The think cheers him a bit.

***

Later that evening John finally appears. He sees Paul lying on the floor and shivers.
"Shit... Paul? Paulie, are you alright?"
Macca picks himself up a bit looking around the hall.
"Johnny... I..."
"What happened?"
"I told Linda... I told her everything..." The younger man admits, not knowing what kind of reaction he will get.
"But... everything?"
"You know... About you an- no... about us"
"Us?" It's not that Lennon doesn't understand. He just can't face the fact even though he assumed this will end up like that.
Paul simply nods his head and sniffs.

"Oh Paulie" They hug each other for a while.
"John... I can't take it anymore... I fucked it up... Fucked it all..."
"Shhh, that's not true. Everything will be okay"
"Johnny, listen... I don't want to live like this... If I..."
"Don't say that... That is not the end. Linda is a great girl... She'll understand just give her some time"
"But I don't... I can't be with her now... I love you, John... I really do and if this will help..."
"Paulie, love..."
"This will solve everything... please..." Tears start to flash in his eyes but he blinks them back quickly.
"I don't know... It's dangerous..."

They cuddle for a moment, not saying anything.
"I really..." McCartney starts avoiding the other man's gaze.
"Paul, you know it's not a way... It wouldn't help..."
"It's the only way. I fed up with waiting and suffering. It'll be for the best... When I die... I beg you, Johnny. Believe me.
"I'm not sure... It's crazy"
"As much as everything now" Macca smiles sadly.
John sighs. "Oh, shut up and kiss me"

***

The hour pass. Hour filled with hugs and kisses, one of the happiest Paul can remember. At one point though, the phone starts to ring. Macca slowly and unwillingly slips out of Lennon's embrace. John follows lover with his eyes, when he answers the phone.

"Halo?"
"Paul? Mate, what's going on here?" He can hear Ringo's voice on the other end of the phone. "Linda was there. She cried and told us that's the end between you and her. She said this won't work and she's going to family with kids. What's happened?!"
"We... had an argument"
"Well, I guessed so... But why? You were doing so good..."
"I know" He sighs. "This is like really complicated, but I didn't want..."
"Yeah, I see. Wait, is there John? Is he with you?"
"Yes, why?" McCartney answers confused.
"I don't know, I was just thinking... Say hello, will you?" Drummer starts to suspect something. He can't put his thoughts together though. "Well, I guess that's all... Tell me when you straight things up with Lyn. Bye!"
"Yeah, sure... Bye!" Paul hangs up and comes back to John.

"You know what? I'd like to go out, get out of here... I know I can't, somebody could see me, but I'd like to... I feel like prisoner..."
"Oh... I'm sorry, I haven't thought about it..."
"No, that's okay" Lennon takes him by the hand and smiles slightly.
Paul can't stop thinking that he knows how to solve it all.