Just A Kiss (A Jaspar Fic) [Discontinued until Editing Is Complete]

6.

Joe's POV

I thought I could do this but I'm not so sure anymore. Just a moment ago I was so confident about baring my soul to Caspar but it is now that I realize how big of a turning point it is in my life. Okay maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but dammit I am allowed to feel that way. I just admitted to myself that I wasn't completely straight. Well that is kind of life changing. Right?

I just can't bring myself to tell Caspar that I like him in a way that he will never like me. It can change everything.

He is my best friend after all and his opinion really matters to me. With my confession I could very easily mess up our friendship. If I don't have him with me as my friend after this, I don't even know what I'll do. I really need to know if he'll approve of me or not.

Fuck. How am I supposed to even begin a conversation this serious? Do I just say-Hey Caspar, I'm gay btw AND in love with you.

That is so not how I want to tell him.

Seriously, I now have a new found respect for all the people who had the courage to come out of the closet. I hope I can do that. Someday? Today? I don't even know anymore. I know I sound like a pussy but I couldn't care less.

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of utensils banging on the floor and what sounded like a (girly) shreak from Caspar. Holy shit that was loud. Kinda scared the crap out of me. It shouldn't have, but the noise was really damn loud for such a quite house. One day that kid is going to give me a heart attack. Just as I was about to see what kind of trouble Caspar has gotten himself into now, he called out to me.

"Joe! A little help here!!"
What has he done now..... Though I already kind of know what to expect.
I rushed to help him to make sure he didn't create too much of a mess in the kitchen, completely forgetting about my inner dilemma.

I reached the scene of crime to see that the wok and the pan were on the floor alongside with some uncooked spaghetti.

I looked up to see a slightly scared Caspar staring at me waiting for my reaction. I must have been quite for more than 10 seconds because it had started to feel a bit awkward now.
"Um, it's okay Caspar, I'll clean it up. Just go sit on the couch or whatever."
Okay, that sounded rather dismissive and kinda rude. I didn't mean it like that.

He gave me a questioning look but left nonetheless, just as I had asked him to. Well, let's get to cleaning then.
~
After a while I was done with cleaning and started cooking dinner instead as Caspar certainly wasn't going to be doing any cooking tonight. I tried to listen in on what he was doing without turning around as I was still pretending to be mad at him. But there was no sound coming from the living room. That proves that the TV wasn't on. And his phone was still here. So, what was he up to?

I finally walked out of the kitchen to see that Caspar was just sitting on the sofa staring at nothing. Weird.
I quietly sat down next to him and took the time to calm down. I felt Capsar nudge me with his elbow and looked at him. He looked concerned.

"Joe, can I ask something?"
"Um-sure, what is it?"
The air in the room had started to feel heavy with the amount of intensity in his eyes.

"Hey buddy, are you okay? You seem a little off. Well you've looked a bit off for quite a time now. Seriously are you okay? Is it because I was making fun of you? Was it because of the pranks? I'm sorry just don't be mad I-"

"Caspar Lee you are rambling. And to answer your question, I'm completely okay. Its just- there's been a lot on my mind these days. You know how work has been lately. But apart from that I'm good, yeah."

If he bought that, I'm seriously gonna start questioning our friendship.

"You really think I'll buy that shitty work excuse?"

Called it.

"Now go ahead and spill. I hate seeing you like this. So lost and confused. I really wanna help, Joe."

"I don't think it's a good idea Caspar. Just.. leave me alone..." I halfheartedly tried to avoid what I knew was coming next. My palms were sweating and my breath was coming in short bursts.

"Joseph Graham Sugg. Leaving you alone is the last thing I will do and you know it. You know you can tell me anything right? I'm your best friend dammit. Don't you think I deserve to know what's wrong with you? You know I will help you with everything I've got. If someone hurt you or said something, just name them. They will not live to see the sun. Just, say something Joe. Trust me. Please?"

Shitshitshit.
I can't cry now. I need to get my shit together and tell him. Now is my only chance and I have to take it. I can do it. I can do it. He's your best friend, Joe. You can trust him. Deep breaths. Okay.

With shaky breath and sweaty palms, I finally say what I've been dreading for so long.

"Caspar....I-I think I'm in love with you."

A/N
Dunn. Dunn. Dunn.
There it is. The moment of truth.
Question: How do you think Caspar will react? (To anybody who even cares to read till this far-I'd love to know your thoughts. Kisses xx)
Anyways, next chapter is in Caspar's POV.
BYE XOXO -A