Just A Kiss (A Jaspar Fic) [Discontinued until Editing Is Complete]

7.

Caspar's POV

"Trust me. Please?"
I said as a last attempt to make him talk to me. He has been so distant and closed off lately and it's messing with my head. Lately, we haven't featured in each others' videos much and even the fans have started noticing it. I always thought that we were that close, you know. That we can just talk about our life and problems and find a solution together. We were that close. But in the past few days I have noticed quite a change in Joe. And not the good kind.
He sometimes gets lost in his head, just stopping in the middle of whatever he does. He gets triggered by the most random things. The look in his eyes change in the middle of a conversation, from cheerful to distant and then he gets all closed off again. It's weird that I notice such details but I can't help it. I guess living with a person does that to you. You notice the slightest of change in their expressions. You notice when they smile but it doesn't reach their eyes. You notice when they pretend to hear you speak but don't actually listen or take it in. You notice when they're not okay and in need of a friend. And it kills you inside to think that they were hiding something from you. Something that was hurting them.

I was quickly brought back to the present when I heard a sound of a gasp. I looked down to see that Joe was breathing rapidly, his chest going up and down at a fast pace. He was sweating all over his forhead and his fists were clenched. Shit. Did I say something I wasn't supposed to?
Oh God, not this time, no.

I saw Joe slowly looking up at me. He took a deep breath in as if preparing to say something that could change everything. But when he opened his mouth I swear to God I couldn't ever have guessed that he would say what he was about to say.

"Caspar... I-I think I'm in love with you."

It's like the world stopped. The air inside of me was sucked out and suddenly I couldn't breathe. Subconsciously, I tried to reason with myself to believe that this was all a prank. But it was confirmed that it was in fact true when I saw a single tear drop roll down Joe's face. I didn't realize until now that even I was crying. None of us made an attempt to talk after this. It was like my brain couldn't take it in. Couldn't take it in that he loved me. Joe loved me. More than a friend. In a way I can never love him.

I dropped down to my knees. Joe was startled by this but didn't make a move to do anything. It was like he was frozen in place. I looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot red. His nose was runny and he looked ruined and destroyed. Like something valuable was snatched away from him. But I wasn't capable of doing anything to make it better for him. I was too shocked to talk. I didn't know what happened to me after this. It was like I lost control of what I was saying or doing. My mind was completely hazy.

"Out."

"What? Caspar I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"I said. Get. Out."

"Caspar no, please. I- I'm so s-sorry."

"Joe, for the love of God please leave before I do something that I'll regret later."

All I heard after that was the sound of feet scrambling and a door being shut.
I didn't know what took over me. I didn't want to hurt him. Never want to hurt him. But I needed to be alone. Needed to think. I held my face in my hands and let it all out. My body wracked with sobs and I was shaking all over.

I wanted to forget. Forget that there was a part in Joe that I didn't know until now. I needed to forget the truth that could destroy our friendship forever. I wanted to hide. From everyone and everything. From him.