friend #hyungwonho

#26

Hoseok couldn't run after Hyungwon even though he wanted to. His brain was telling him to move, to go to Hyungwon and to beg for him to forgive Hoseok. But his body just wouldn't do what he told it to.

He spent the night wide awake, rolling in his bed under the blanket Hyungwon had brought him. He just couldn't believe that he had messed up again and he wouldn't stop beating himself up because of it. He came to the conclusion that it was maybe the best to give Hyungwon little space.

Hyungwon had held his tears in until he got out of Hoseok's apartment. Then he broke and fell to sit on the floor, leaning against Hoseok's door. He cried until nothing came out anymore and then he went home. He walked past his parents with a stone cold look on his face, ignoring his mother's worried questions.

There was one person who didn't expect Hoseok to call the next day. It was Jiyoung. Before this moment, she had always been the one to contact Hoseok so when it was the other way around, she felt anxious.

"Can we meet?" Hoseok asked, his voice choking a little.

"Like... right now?" her uncertain voice came from the another end.

"Yes."

"Alright. I'm at the library. I will wait for you here."

Hoseok left immediately, almost forgetting his keys on his way out. He stopped by a coffee shop and bought coffees for both him and Jiyoung. He really needed one because he hadn't slept at all and just to be nice to the girl, he decided to take one for her too.

He walked really fast even though he didn't even have that food reason for it. He arrived to the library only ten minutes after calling Jiyoung.

"Oh, you're not on today, Hoseok," his boss at the desk said, giving Hoseok a surprised look.

"Hello, Ma'am. I know," Hoseok greeted her with a smile as he walked to the reading area where Jiyoung was sitting with some school books.

"You were quick," she said. Hoseok gave her the coffee. "Oh, you didn't need to... Thank you," she gasped, looking really grateful when she took a sip of the coffee that was still pretty hot.

"Are you doing school work?" Hoseok asked even though it was obvious. He was feeling pretty nervous for some reason.

"Yes, I have a test tomorrow," she said and showed a English book. Then she suddenly took her bag and started looking for something. "Should I pay you?" she asked, raising her head from the bag.

"No need. It was me who asked to meet you anyways," Hoseok said. Jiyoung put her bag away.

"Is something wrong?" she asked after looking at Hoseok with a worried expression for a while. Hoseok sure acted really different. He was usually confident and loud but now it was as if he was in a shell.

"Yeah..."

"What is it? You can tell me anything," she moved her chair a bit closer to the table to be closer to Hoseok. "Don't worry, you can trust me. I wouldn't have anyone to share it with anyways."

"Well..." Hoseok started and didn't really know how he should present his problem. "I have some troubles with my boyfriend."

Jiyoung raised her eyebrows at first because the boyfriend part surprised her - she didn't have any guess that Hoseok could be gay - but then went back to normal quickly. "May I ask what happened."

"Uhm, I kind of did something..."

"Kind of?"

"Or not kind of, I really did something," Hoseok then decided that he should probably just tell the whole story. "A while ago I told him that I quit this friend rental service job and I actually did quit for a while but then I didn't tell him that I got it back. I don't know why exactly I kept it from him, maybe I thought he would be upset if he knew or something."

"He found out, didn't he?" Jiyoung sounded really empathetic.

"Yesterday when I was with you, he saw us and when I went back home, he was really mad at me. First I thought he was just jealous because I was with some girl but then we started fighting and..."

Hoseok paused for a while. Jiyoung found it surprising that someone would be jealous of her and Hoseok. They really just acted like friends normally would.

"He found out some other shit, a more serious thing and left," Hoseok finished and raised his head to look at Jiyoung who seemed to be listening very carefully. "Can you help me figure out what to do. I really don't want to lose him."

Jiyoung thought for a while. Then she let out a sigh, leaned back in the chair and took a sip of the coffee again. "Have you called him?" she asked.

Hoseok just shook his head. He had thought he should ask for an advice first before trying to contact Hyungwon because even if Hyungwon would answer, Hoseok didn't know what he would say.

"What kind of guy is he like?" Jiyoung asked, leaning closer again.

"He is really sweet, innocent and gets emotional easily," Hoseok answered after wondering for a while, how he would describe Hyungwon.

"Oh boy..." she didn't know what to say herself either. "You need to make it up somehow. Have you ever brought him flowers?"

"No," Hoseok muttered and shook his head. He wasn't sure if Hyungwon would like something like that.

"Try that. Go to him with the prettiest flowers you can find and if he doesn't slam the door on your face as soon as you appear, try to apologize," Jiyoung suggested.

"What do I say?"

"Say that you're sorry for not telling him about whatever the things was. Or figure it yourself, I don't know," she said and quickly added the second sentence - she didn't want to be the one to ruin someone's relationship. "Tell him you can't live without him."

Hoseok felt unsure. "What if he doesn't forgive me? I got a feeling he won't believe me anymore."

"If he loves you, he will forgive you," Jiyoung leaned closer and patted Hoseok's arm. He gave her a light smile even though he didn't feel like smiling at all. After this conversation his mind was even more of a mess. "Does he love you?" she asked after Hoseok had been quiet for a while.

"I don't even know," Hoseok looked down and was playing with the empty coffee cup. He remembered that one time Hyungwon had talked about being in love but that was different than actually admitting his feelings.

"Make sure he knows you love him," Jiyoung said and when Hoseok was quiet again she added: "You do love him, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"You think so?"

"I don't know," Hoseok groaned and slammed his head against the table. They earned some looks from the other people at the library.

"You're not sure if you love him, is that what you're trying to imply?" Jiyoung sounded really confused.

Hoseok didn't answer anything. He was ashamed of the fact that he didn't even know about his own feelings. Surely he cared about Hyungwon more than anything else in the world but he had never gave that much thought to if there really was love between them.

"You need to sort your shit out," Jiyoung crossed her arms above her chest and looked serious. Hoseok sensed some disappointment in her.

"I'm trying. Thanks for everything," Hoseok said and walked away.

He went to the mall and after wandering around for a while, trying to 'sort his shit out' like Jiyoung had said, he found himself at a shop that sold flowers. The lady behind the counter greeted him when he walked in.

"I would like some flowers," he said, feeling quite awkward. He had never bought flowers before so he wasn't sure what to choose. There were so much different kinds.

"What is it for?" the lady asked.

"An apology," Hoseok answered and watched as she started making a bouquet of red and white roses. It was small but looked pretty. Hoseok paid for it and started walking towards Hyungwon's place. He could have taken a bus but decided to walk because then he would have lot of time to sort out his thoughts and figure out what to say before he would arrive.