Bleed Me Dry

Into Me

"Well hit me on my funny bone. Go and leave me all alone. There's not much I'd be missing." Into Me, Cat Jahnke.

Millie

I see flashes of blond hair and hear alarmed voices. I haven't heard this many people concerned for me since I got a few sympathy calls after my brother died. I desperately attempt to get up but my bones scream out in pain. Gia notices me struggling and comes to my side.

"Millie you fainted. I think you should go to the doctor," Gia says. She seems distant, as if her worry is not completely directed to me. Not that that's anything unusual for me.

"What about my shift?" I question her.

"It's almost over, I'll cover for both of us while you're gone."

"Okay I'll see you around."

Gia and I have worked together over a year yet we have barely spoken. She's beautiful and probably has made tons of friends in the short times she's been here. I've always wondered why she came to Wall in the first place, it's even more strange she wants to work at Wrigley's. She could be a movie star if she wanted to.

I call myself a cab and walk outside to wait for it. There is still pain searing throughout my body. It's hard for me to even walk. I don't what happened but I'm sure it's nothing. I probably just got stressed out about the fact that I'm living this sad life and my body just gave out with my mind. I think about everything I've seen and how life has broken me down. I can't help but wonder how I'm going to manage the rest of my life all on my own.

The cab pulls up and I plop myself down in the seat. It hurts me to even sit down.

"Where to?" asks the cab driver Francis.

"The hospital please," I say quietly.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I just fainted at work and I don't know why. My co-worker wanted me to come here."

"Okay."

We sit in silence the rest of the way there. Francis attempts to whistle here and there but I'm too awkward to make and funny comments or conversation of it. Finally after what feels like eternity we get to St. James hospital. I get that nervous feeling in my stomach that comes whenever I go to hospitals. I don't have any traumatic stories to explain why I get like this I just do.

I walk into the ER and tell them about my fainting and my pain. There is all kinds of racket going on. Children screaming, relatives desperately waiting to find out if their loved ones are okay. No one will ever wait like that for me. There's faint unpleasant smell that I can't identify as anything other than hospitality.

I wait for hours seeing floods of people come and go.

Finally, a nurse calls be back, "Mildred Freeman."

"Right here," I say as cheerfully as I can.

She runs some tests on me and says the doctor will be in shortly.

"Hello Mildred, I'm Dr. Wesen. Nice to meet you," a tall gray haired man says when he walks in the room.

"You can call me Millie," I say.

"I hear you're having some bone pains and feel faint."

"Yes, but I'm sure it's nothing. The people at work just wanted me to come here."

"Millie, based off the tests the nurse gave you and the description of your pain I don't think it's nothing. I'm going to refer you to a specialist so they can check you out. I also would like to have you get a CT scan and a piece of bone tissue so I can send it to the specialist."

I don't know what to think it's all very overwhelming. I agree to everything Dr. Wessen asks. When I go home I try to sleep but I can't, what could possibly be wrong with me?

The next morning I get a call from the hospital telling me that the specialist Dr. Gell wants to go over my test results with me.

I go down to his office and repeat the whole waiting process all over again. Dr. Gell walks into the room. He looks similar to Dr. Wessen but less friendly.

"You must be Millie," he says.

"That's me," I respond, eager for him to say what he needs to say.

"Millie I'm afraid I don't have good news for you. There's never an easy way to tell someone this. After I looked over your CT scan and your blood tests it wasn't hard for me to tell what you have. Your bone biopsy confirmed what I suspected. You have Chondrosarcoma. It is a bone cancer which started in your cartilage and spreads into your pelvic and hip bones. I wish I could tell you it was an easy recovery and that you don't have anything to worry about but your cancer is in it's high stages. The survival rate is low."

For a moment I don't move. It suddenly feels like there is no air left in the room it's just me and death sitting next to each other. I never thought this would be my life, I always believed deep down things would change and I would die happy. Now I know I will never get to feel that. God's timeline for me is ending.

"Is there anyone we can call?" he asks me.

"No, I don't have anyone," I say wishing it wasn't the truth.

"Do you have any questions, we are going to do our best to help you. My team is very good at what they do."

"How long?" is all I can manage to mutter out.

"At best, 3-4 months."

I don't say anything else. My body is caving in on me and all I can hear is ringing combined with the sound of my own breathing. "Here we go," I think to myself. I let myself shed one tear as I get up and walk away, with death still at my side.