Bleed Me Dry

Don't Lose Me

"Cause there's a chance there's a shot it may be small, but it's all I got. I know it's hard now to see but you have to believe. That there is hope to be healed, to be whole, to be finally be finally free. So don't give up on me." Me, Kendall Payne.

Millie

The sweat pours down my back, I know I just fainted. I try to get up but I can't, I think I may have broken my leg due to my fragile bones. The pain keeps getting worse and I can't reach the phone to call for help. I'm going to have to wait for Gia to help when she comes to take me to my doctors appointment. My whole body feels corrupt, the pain runs through me like electric currents. I don't think I'll ever get better.

Just when I think I can't hold on any longer I hear Gia open the door with the key I gave her last week. Jesus she looks more pregnant everytime I see her.

"Oh my God! Millie what happened?" she screams.

"I think I fainted and broke my leg on the way down. It hurts Gia everything hurts," I cry. I'm in so much pain I can't hold it together.

"I'm going to call an ambulance Millie it's going to be okay."

I'm crying really hard now. All Gia can do is hold me on the floor of my kitchen. We stay there for what feels like forever. I'm glad I have her here so I'm not alone. I can't imagine what I would have done a few months ago when I was all alone. There are parts of my life right now I wouldn't change for the world.

There's a knock on the door that Gia runs to open. For a pregnant women she can run awfully fast. The paramedics put me on a stretcher and carry me off to the ambulance. Gia is following closely behind. The whole ride there she tells me that "everything is going to be okay" at least a million times. It reminds me of my conversation with Andie the other day. It's funny how we all help each other for different reasons in the same way. It also reminds me of my mom whispering to my brother's dead body after the doctors declared him brain dead.

I attempt to keep myself calm throughout the ride to the hospital but all the poking and prodding the paramedics are doing is only making things worse. Once we get to the hospital they do a ton of tests on me. Blood tests, bone biopsies, you name it they tested it. They put my broken leg in a cast and informed me that I had also fractured four ribs.

Despite my problems I'm remaining fairly positive. Gia, Andie, and even Tanner came to visit me. I have been in the hospital for a little over a week while the doctors were testing me and observing my health. I have flowers, candy, and balloons all around my bed. It's like the Valentine's Day I never got to have. Customers from the diner came in and people from high school sent me cards. Even though I am dying, I have never felt so loved.

"How are you feeling Mil?" Andie asks me when she comes to visit.

"I'm feeling a little better," I tell her.

"Well like I've said many times before we're all in this together and I want you to be happy."

"I love you."

"I love you too, which is why I called your parents and told them you were in the hospital and now they're here to see you," she says really fast and runs out of the room.

The next thing I know I see my parents coming in my room. I haven't seen them since my brother Rusty died. I call them on the phone when I have to and that's it. Frankly I don't really want to see them after the way they took Rusty's death out on me.

"Oh honey," my mother says trying to make it seem like she loves me. They haven't seen me bald and sick looking before so I guess this is a shock to them..

"Hello mom," I say in the most monotoned voice I can work up.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" my dad asks me.

"How do I look to you? I'm dying of bone cancer. I feel like shit!" I say maybe a little too loud.

"I'm sorry we haven't checked on you sooner baby," Mom says.

"We really care about you," says Dad trying to add to her point.

"I'm sure you do since you've spent the last 9 years of my life in Boston," I tell them sarcastically.

"You know Rusty's accident was hard on us," Dad says.

"That doesn't mean you can ignore me. I loved Rusty too. You moved up there when he was in college. You deserted me. Then when drove drunk you lost everything. But you didn't think about the fact that I lost my big brother, he was supposed to be my role model. Now I'm sitting here with cancer and all you all can talk about is him. I'm going to die too, and I didn't even do anything wrong. I didn't do anything to deserve this. Maybe if he wasn't stupid enough to get in that car or maybe if you all would've stuck around, I wouldn't be in this position. I spent my life living in slow motion, miserable for years and you all never even cared. So don't try and tell me you do now," I sob to them. I understand maybe I went a tad too far but everything I wanted to say but was too afraid to finally came out. Having cancer does give you bravery.

"We never meant to hurt you. We only wanted you to be happy. With us around crying over your brother we thought we would only bring you down," my Mom tells me. You would think after the speech I just gave she would be crying but it's clear they don't and never will care about anyone's death other than Rusty's.

"I hope you all spend a lot of time crying over me when I'm gone," I say with hatred in my voice.

"Millie, you don't mean that," my Dad say.

"I think both should go," I tell them.

They leave the room and Andie comes back in apologizing over and over telling me she was "sorry" and "had no idea". I tell her I'm fine and I just want her to hold me. She holds me tight while I cry on her.

"I'm going to fight this Andie. I want you to know that I may be drowning in myself, broken from my past, but I'm going to take my chances and fight through this," I cry to her.

"I hope one day I can be half as strong as you are Millie," she says crying too.

"Just promise me you won't lose me."

"Never."

Dr. Gell comes in the office and by the look on his face I know it can't be good.

With a heavy breath he say, "Ms. Freeman your test results are back. I'm sorry to tell you this but your body is rejecting the chemo. The cancer is progressing quickly."

My heart falls to the floor.