Star gently bounced on the balls of her feet next to Marco. She was listening in on an awkward conversation between Karate Kid, aka Marco, and the Queen Bee, aka Brittany Wong.
"Don't! Think that this means anything Diaz! I'm just trying to get a crowd so the maid doesn't have to clean up leftover food."
Apparently, from what Star had been hearing around school this week, Brittany Wong had a Christmas party every year a few weeks before the actual Christmas day. Star had been prying Marco for details about her parties and she had been hoping for an invitation. And now as she tried to make herself noticeable, she silently pleaded for an invitation.
"And Star," Brittany sighed deeply. "You can come too, I guess."
Star smiled widely at the winey voice in front of her. She couldn't help herself as she let out a tiny squeal and hugged Brittany tightly.
"Ugh! What the?! Butterfly let go of me!"
Star released her and felt her face get hot.
"Sorry!" She smiled sheepishly. She felt Marco grab her hand and pull her closer to him. In the last three months she had memorized everything Marco Diaz; his voice, the way his hands felt, and his habit of grabbing her own hand whenever she was in trouble, about to be, or if they were just walking somewhere. She didn't know exactly why he held her hand when she didn't need him to guide her. She had told him before that she was fine but he insisted he held her hand because 'you never know what could happen!' Star snapped ourt of her thoughts and back into reality when she heard Brittany softly mutter.
"Control her Diaz."
She thought that she could almost feel the heart pouring off Marco. She knew for certain that comment made him angry by the slight twitch in his fingers and how he squeezed her hand tightly. But the moment passed as she pulled him out of the high school and begun their journey back to the Diaz's.
A few hours later Star was adjusting her santa hat on her head while jamming to the latest holiday hits. Unasked for, a memory of her family's traditional Christmas tree flashed in her head. Star felt her heart twist. She missed seeing Christmas trees. She missed seeing simple things.
That's enough. You're only keeping yourself from having fun. Just live in this moment.
Star didn't give herself anymore time to think. She bounced her way to the door and down 37 stairs. Moving and keeping busy helped distract her from the sadness she kept hidden inside. The dark part of her that she would let no one ever see. She had to be strong, be an inspiration for others. That's what her mother would want.
"Hey Star, nice hat." Star felt the sadness fade away some at the sound of her best friend's voice.
"Thanks Marco."
"You kids headed out?" The sweet voice of Angela called from her left in the kitchen. Marco confirmed and asked her if she had everything.
"Yep! I think so. Santa hat, check! Weapon to hit any unsuspecting monsters," Star reached for her long cane that was leaned on the wall next to the door. She held it above her head and yelled loudly. "Double check! Christmas spirit, heck yeah! I'm all set Marco!" Marco just chuckled. She heard the familiar sound of the door unlocking and wood scrapping against tile floor and she assumed that the door was being opened.
"Ladies first." Star held her head high with her long cane in front of her as she walked through the door.
"Brains before beauty." She said teasingly.
"What was that Star?" She smiled innocently towards his voice.
"Nothing!" Marco made a disbelieving noise.
"Uh huh. Well you've got it backwards." Before Star could process what Marco was implying he quickly changed the subject.
"Drive or walk?" Star took a moment to consider. He said she only lived a few blocks down so why waste gas. Then she felt the bite of cold on her neck where the scarf didn't protect her. She loved feeling the cold air on her skin, reminding her that she was alive, and decided that walking was best. Star grabbed Marco's hand and asked him which way they were going.
"Down main street, to your right."
"Let's go then!"
Star tugged Marco and they began to walk. She didn't hardly try to watch for objects on the sidewalk with her long cane, she had recently been putting some of her trust in Marco. He wouldn't let her run into anything, she knew that, so she held her long cane under her arm and let Marco guide her down the unfamiliar street. They were quite, and she was glad for the silence because she could hear Christmas music in the distance probably from someone's house or maybe the party they were headed for. Star thought about how it was odd that Marco always seemed in sync with her. The way they could both talk ceaselessly at times and at other moments be content with the silence. How Marco seemed to know exactly when Star needed help, he was always there with a friendly voice or a kind touch. Star laced her fingers into Marco's without thinking. She felt slight panic and hoped she hadn't made him uncomfortable, but she was reassured when he lightly squeezed her hand.
"We're here." Marco whispered.
"Why are you whispering?" Star set her voice at a whisper and leaned closer to Marco.
"Why are you whispering?" She felt his hot breath on her cheek, his voice was close to her ear. She shivered.
"Ugh. Get a room." Brittany's voice came from the doorway.
"Come on Britt, show some hospitality, offer them your room!" Star recognized the voice and rushed toward the sounds.
"Ferguson!" Shortly after the blonde had arrived in Echo Creek she and Ferg had become belly buddies and she prepared herself for their normal greeting.
"3, 2, 1!" Star jumped into the air and bumped bellies with Ferguson. She landed on her feet and bursted into laughter. As if on cue Marco was beside her, their shoulders touching.
"Wow. I can't unsee that. Please come in before someone sees you and assumes you're my friends."
Star doubted Brittany actually felt that way since the normal bite in her voice was absent. She held her long cane in front of her and entered the house. She felt warm air and heard muffled voices. Brittany lead them down a wide hallway turning right and into a room. Star was instantly overwhelmed by all the voices.
"Hey!"
"Hey Star!"
"Hey guys."
"Merry early Christmas!"
"Heeyy!"
"What's up?"
"How's it going dudes?"
"Hi!"
Star waved and smiled but decided to let Marco do all the talking. There were too many noises going on for her to pick out a specific one and analyze it's meaning. After a few minutes the noise level didn't show signs of lowering so she sat quietly on the couch next to Marco and listened to him talk to Ferguson and Alfonso. It didn't take long before Star heard some excited shouts.
"Hey! That's a great idea! Guys! Lets play truth or dare!" More voices flooded Star's ears and she silently wished she could cover her ears and just tell everyone to shut up. But she kept her mouth closed tight. Not wanting to add to the noise.
"Wanna play Star?" Marco asked, touching her right hand. Star forgot about keeping quiet.
"Yep!"
"Okay who's all playing?" She heard the soft voice of Jackie Lynn Thomas. "Okay, everybody in? Brittany?"
"Ugh, fine." Star thought that Brittany almost sounded happy.
"Who's going first, Oscar?"
"Yeah sure, um. Marco, truth or dare."
There was a pause. Star knew that Marco didn't really like Oscar. A few weeks after she arrived, Marco told her about how he had dated Jackie and then broken up with her after finding out that she had been talking to Oscar for a while behind his back. But Marco was kind and didn't act any way towards the two.
"Um, dare I guess."
Marco said those words with a bit of fire. Star smiled, guessing that Marco was challenging Oscar to dare him something crazy or gross just to show off. Star smiled even wider thinking that it must have been a guy thing. Oscar was quite for a moment then chuckled.
"I dare you to kiss Star."
The teenagers all seemed to gasp at once at that bold statement. Star felt her jaw drop. How could he dare Marco something like that?
"Now just a minute-" Star began to protest but stopped when she felt a hand cup her left cheek and felt lips press against her right cheek. Her face flushed.
"There. You said 'kiss Star' but you didn't say where."
There was a moment of pause before the room exploded in whoops and high fives and laughter. Star heard some people slapping Marco's back and calling him smooth or congratulating him. She felt a slight panic at all the noise. Above all the ruckus, she felt a gentle hand on her back and heard Marco softly whisper in her ear.
"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you with strawberry ice cream." She was going to fake being mad but couldn't help her smile.
"Better make it two scoops Wild Man."
Someone clapped their hands loudly and the noise dimmed.
"Okay, now Marco, you choose somebody."
"Ferg, truth or dare?"
"Hah! Dare of course!"
Marco paused for a moment, thinking of a dare.
"I dare you to balance a cup of water on your nose."
Star was certain that was impossible but the guys got excited anyways and rushed around to get a cup of water. She heard the room get quiet and she assumed that Ferguson was putting the cup on his nose. Suddenly there was a commotion and a noise of wood against wood. Everyone started laughing. People were clapping and yelling 'Classic Ferg.' Star felt confused. The teens kept laughing and under all the sounds Star spoke out.
"What happened?"
The noise died down enough to where everyone could hear Brittany say.
"You wouldn't get it unless you could see it."
She sounded neutral but that didn't stop Star from flinching. Her wish of quiet came true as everyone went silent from the remark. Star felt the attention of the room on her. Emotions were filling her up like a glass of water and she didn't know how she might respond so she stood up abruptly and started for the door. In her hurry she tripped into the coffee table and felt shame burn in her skin. She couldn't even make it out of the room without embarrassing herself further. She made it into the hallway and walked quickly toward what she thought was the front door. She held her long cane in front of her as she went. Star pushed open the door and practically threw herself outside. She walked down the steps and veered off the walkway into the grass. Carelessly, she plopped down on the grass, held her face in her hands, and had a good cry. She was only outside for a few moments when the front door slammed open. She heard the angry voice of Marco yelling into the house.
"-great party yeah, thanks!" There was a pause. "Star." His voice was softer now, sad. Star quickly wiped her eyes as best she could. She startled when Marco was suddenly on the ground next to her, touching her shoulder.
"Star I-"
She held her hand up.
"O-one second." She managed to squeak out. Her throat was tight from her effort of holding back sobs. Star breathed deeply. In. Out. In. Out. When she no longer felt like she was going to burst into tears, she turned her head toward Marco.
"Star I'm sorry. Brittany is so insensitive and I don't think she intended to hurt you but that doesn't mean I'll let her get away with it. Don't be upset Star. Please."
Marco touched her shoulder. Star felt fresh tears fall from her face. She knew how Brittany could be. She knew that others before her had been much crueler but she couldn't shake the sadness attached to her. She shivered, it was too cold to be crying.
"Hey, don't cry. If you keep crying your tears might freeze to your face. No? Not funny huh? I'm sorry, I'm trying to lift your spirits."
Star felt warm hands cup her cheeks, warm thumbs pushed away her tears. Star tackled Marco in an embrace. A sob escaped her lips.
"Easy, easy." Marco rubbed her back. "Brittany can be pretty mean but I-"
"It's not just that Marco!"
He stopped rubbing her back and pulled back, still holding her, looking down at her face.
"It's not just Brittany. It's Christmas Marco! Another year is going by and I haven't seen a Christmas tree in 4 years. In fact I haven't seem anything in 4 years! Not my parents not my friends. I can't even look at myself in the mirror! I can't take another Christmas with out seeing all the lights and the decorations and hearing everyone else talking about how beautiful it is! I want to see it again. I want to be able to be a part of the group and not just the blind girl that doesn't get the joke or the girl you have to tip-toe around so you don't make a mistake. I hate being that girl. Sometimes I hate being me." Star put her hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that last part. That was a dark part of her that no one should ever see. Especially not her best friend. There was silence after that. She guessed Marco was speechless and was thinking of somethings consoling to say to her. She wondered if he would use the "im sorry this happened" or the "it will be okay" line. In a split second Marco wrapped his arms around her so tightly that she imagined he was the only thing holding her together. Her cheek were pressed against his chest and he rested his own cheek on the top of her head. He squeezed tightly and said into her hair.
"This isn't your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. No matter what anyone says. And Star." His voice got firm, almost angry." Don't ever hate yourself. There's to much about you to love. Okay?" Star nodded against his chest. Her problems weren't fixed. She still couldn't see Christmas trees or anything else for that matter. But Marco eased some of that pain. She held Marco closer to her. Whenever he was around, the pain eased away, and he made her believe that someday it would all go away.
