Jamilove A Jamilton Love Story

Death doesn't descriminate

Thomas

It was raining hard, and I was soaked. Everyone else had left the funeral by now, but I stayed behind. Nobody could see my tears, because the rain blocked everything out. The only thing I could see were gravestones. I bent down into a squatting position in front of his grave. I laid my rose down next to it, I close my eyes and took in a sharp breath.
"You- you were a great friend. The best. You always took care of me, unless I was caring for you. I can't explain with words what it meant to be your friend." I coughed and wiped my eyes, even though all of me was drenched, it didn't seem right to be crying. I needed to be strong, as he would've wanted me to be. "Goodbye James." I swallowed. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned. Alex was standing behind me, looking at me.
"Sorry I'm late." He apologized. His hair was longer than it had been the last time I saw him, his glasses were on the edge of his nose, he was wearing a suit, plain black, but it was darker even so with the wetness of the rain. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, crying into his shoulder. I was freezing and couldn't feel my fingers or toes, but it didn't matter, because James would've stayed out in the cold for me too.

Alex

It broke my heart to see Thomas like this. In so much pain, the day of the funeral, when I finally convinced Thomas to come back to Boston with me, we spent the night at James' apartment. He fell asleep on the couch, with his head in my lap. I had never seen him so worn out. All the crying must have been torturous. I know it was for me, all I wanted was for his grieving to be over, I never wanted him to be in so much pain. The pain that I knew all too well. I picked up my phone and opened my email.

3 New Messages.

I clicked on one new message.

To: NotThrowingAwayMySocks@gmail.com
From: HercMan@teeter.org

Subject: Re: Thomas... Therapy?

Hey man, 
I'm so sorry for you and Mr.Boyfriend's loss.
I'm also sorry, but I work mostly on operational therapy, people that have had surgery and need help. I can however recommend a grieving therapist. I know it definitely helps. Laffe and I went once after John passed, man, that was rough, and it helped, that is until Laffe moved back to France and ditched us all #amiright?
Here's a my friend's email.  
amandama'am@teeter.org 
And before you try and go use teeter.org, it's our company's site, so don't lol.
Bye man,
-Hercman.

The next too were spam, so I deleted them, but I still had to bring up the idea of Grief Therapy to Thomas. I knew he'd think it was a horrible idea, but I'd do it with him, and I had to at least try. 

Thomas

I rolled open my eyes, heavy as they were. Right in front of me was Alex, shirtless. He was lying on his side, staring at me. He smiled weakly at me.

"Hey sleepyhead." He reached out and pet my arm, it was our thing. "How you doing?" His hand was back at his side now.
"Bad."I shut my eyes again, then felt his lips on my forehead.
"You have to wake up sometime." Hie voice was delicate, and I snuggled into the pillow.

"Where am I?" I asked, not remembering the last few days. I opened my eyes yet again, and he was a few inches from my face.
"We were at James', but now we're at my apartment.I didn't know if you wanted to pack James' things up yet, or no. It's paid for already for the rest of his college years, so I'm not sure what you want us to do, but Burr and I are here for you." I saw his Adam's Apple move as he swallowed. I blinked, not responding.

"I'll pack his things up when I feel ready." I said, I saw the hurt in Alex's eyes, but he smiled that 'I'm sorry baby.' smile of his and forgot it. "You can go-- I'm sure you have classes."
"No. I can't leave you like this." He insisted in a whiny tone. He kissed my cheek now, and I knew that he was refraining from my lips. For some reason, I wanted him not to kiss me.

"Stop. Don't try. Please. Just go. I can't have this right now. I can't have you making me happy in a time I need to be sad. I have to mourn on my own." I snapped. Now not only was the hurt in his eyes, but his whole face, and body too. His shoulders dropped down from the nice posture he had kept most of the discussion, our eye contact he had retained, was in-existent, and his mouth moved into a frown. It wasn't overly dramatic, but I could tell he was in pain. "Go." I said. He nodded.
"Sorry Thomas, i just wanted to help. I'll- I'll be in classes, so call or text Burr if you need me."Before he could kiss me goodbye or anything I held up a hand.

"I won't need you. God! I just told you that, can't you respect that a bit?" I was irritated, to say the least.
"Thomas. I'm trying to help." His voice wasn't pathetic and sad anymore, but stern, and almost angry sounding. "You don't want my help, well too damn bad. " He took a deep breath. "Because I love you. I fricking love you and I am not going to let you wallow. I know it's sad. It feels like the saddest thing in the world, and I am remorseful, I truly am, but I can't let you isolate yourself. As long as you are with me, I am going to care for and about you."
"Well then maybe we shouldn't be together." I was shocked to hear myself say this, but, I knew I needed a break. "I can't be with you right now. I need space. We need to take a break."