Gotham Imagines

Addicted - Jonathan Crane

I'm falling

I've never fallen like this before, the toxin usually seems so shallow and soft but right now it feels endless and greedy. I would be panicking but the toxin won't let me. I don't know what went wrong the darkness has always been a friend to me, taking away my worries and leaving me alone and calm. If I don't come back John will blame himself, if he is the one to bring me back he will be mad. I dont know whats happening to me, I'm stuck in the exact moment when you know you can't save yourself so you start to prepare for the impact of the fall, but the fall never comes. I'm in a dream like state, I know that it's not real and I can't get hurt but I'm afraid that the chemicals will take me as there own and not let me come back. I knew I had given myself too much. I don't know how I feel about the possible chance of me dieing today. I take the toxin to get away from the real world but I don't actually want to die. To normal people the toxin creates their worst fears beside them. I am numb, I stopped feeling things long ago when I came to the realisation that death would be an escape from the constantly bad life I live. Since most everyone's fears are just ways they don't want to die I was practically immune. In the beginning the toxin would make me live events that would make me sad, but never afraid. I guess in a sense it was showing me things I was afraid would happen. Events that deep down inside I was afraid my insecurities would cause. The only thing I would see was people dying, at first it was everyone, Edward, Selina, Harley. Then eventually it was just Jonathan. He was the only person that my heart had accepted, the only person you could say that I felt I had a connection to. Since Jonathan is the creator of the toxin it made a bond with my DNA. In a sense I guess you could say that it knew I had a connection to him therefor having a connection to it. From then on whenever I took the toxin it went deep into my psyche and found what was bothering me. I don't know how to describe it but it would kind of just make all the pain go away, it would leave me in a dreamlike trance where everything was just a black nothing. It always felt warm and welcoming. Today though it feels like the toxin has turned against me and no longer wants to help, this normally calm trance feels very angry. I can't get out of it, it's sucking me in and won't let go of its hold on my mind. I just hope that Jonathan isn't the one to find me. He doesn't know that I've been taking the toxin, it would break his heart if he knew. Just as I'm accepting the fact that right now might be one of the last moments before my life is taken away I feel a sharp pain in my arm. I know that can only mean that someone is messing with my body trying to wake me. I can feel their hands on my arms and neck checking for a pulse. I can't hear anything they're saying but I know that I'm going to get yelled at when I wake up, if I wake up. I'm feeling the toxins grip on my life lessening and I know that I'm going to live. I feel another sharp pain and this time I make a noise. The blackness disappeared leaving my vision a stark white. I close my eyes again as I start to feel more of the things around me. Like the very cold metal that's under my back and the person who is crying on my shoulder. The silence is brutally disturbed by a high pitched whine that signals my hearing coming back. Through the whine I start to get bits and pieces of what people are saying, though never a full word. I realise now that I'm yelping and squealing from the pain that has spread from my arm to my body. As my vision returns I see everyone circled around me staring. Jonathan running around the lab and back to me doing his doctor-y things to save me, Harley kneeling next to me crying on my shoulder. Everyone else just looking at me afraid. I feel like I could handle moving so I try to sit up to end this awkward angle at which I see everyone. As soon as my torso is lifted from the table my head starts pounding and the room starts to spin. Before I fall off the table Ed grabs my arms and helps me sit up, he is behind me so he holds me against his chest as extra support. Jonathan sees that I'm up and gives Edward a quick glare before checking my vitals once again. John and Ed have always had this weird feud about me, they both like me and don't like that the other person does. After Jonathan has decided that I won't drop dead in a given moment he gives me a huge hug (pulling you away from Edward in the process). He holds you against him and you can feel how fast his heart is beating. "Y/N, don't ever do that again you had me afraid I was going to lose you."

"Wow look at that, scarecrow is actually afraid" Joker chimes in from the corner. Harley shoots him a mad glare through her mascara smeared face and pulls me in for a close hug.

"Don't mind him sweetie, he doesn't have an ounce of worry for anything in his body"

You feel extremely tired and start to close your eyes, John notices and pulls Harley off you, before you can fall he picks you up and carries you to his room and sets you on his bed. He pulls the blankets and covers you. One last time before he leaves he hugs you and tells you to have a good sleep and not to ever do that again.