Surviving the Mercers

The Rules of Engagement Excerpt 1

A potential piece for The Rules of Engagement (Mercer #2)

With Samson del Gato, Sal, and Ioney.  Samson is 28 now, and has a long term girlfriend Kathryn (Kat).  Sal and Ioney are visiting him for something and Sal sees Samson has been busy having kids!  Sal is struggling with Gin at the moment, because she wants a baby and he is absolutely refusing to go there.  He doesn’t want to raise a kid with the kind of lifestyle the two of them lead.

Be aware, this might not make the cut!

“How do you do it?” Sal asked, amazement clear in his tone.

Samson gave him an odd look, like Sal was possibly missing a few screws.  After a beat of silence, Samson shrugged and said, “Well, personally I like to warm her up first by dimming the lights, putting on some Celine Dion - that shit drives me crazy, but Kat absolutely fucking loves it.  Once she’s all ‘Oh, my God Sam, you’re so thoughtful’ it only takes me about five minutes to get her naked, and then -”

Sal cut Samson off by smacking him upside the head.  “I didn’t mean that,” he said sardonically.  “I know how to get my girl all hot and bothered.”

“Okay, ew,” I said, holding my hands up to remind them both I was still in the room.  “Just, ew.”

“I was talking about that,” Sal said, ignoring me altogether.  He was staring at Kat intently, but not at her face or what she was doing.  He only had eyes for her bulging belly.  She was so pregnant I half expected her to pop on the spot.

“Ah,” Samson said, nodding his head in understanding.  He wrapped an arm around Sal’s shoulders and leaned close to whisper conspiratorially in his ear.  “Don’t wear a condom.  It tends to seriously impede your baby making abilities.”

Severely frustrated, Sal shoved a laughing Samson away from him.  “One straight answer.  Can you not give me just one freaking answer.”

“What?” Samson asked, feigning innocence.  “I answered all of your questions.”

When Sal shook his head and sighed in agitation, Samson finally relented.  “Okay, fine.  The truth?”  When Sal nodded, Samson shrugged.  “It was an accident.  It’s amazing how many details you forget when you’re so drunk you can’t put one foot in front of the other.  How we managed to actually get it on is beyond me.  But like I said, some details get lost, and the thought of using protection only occurs to you once you’re nursing the mother of all hangovers and you wake up naked with a woman in your arms.”

“You’re an idiot,” I said promptly, and glanced down at Tyler.  The two year old was sitting in front of the TV, transfixed by the sight of the Wiggles dancing and singing on screen.  “What about Tyler?” I asked, a little curious.  “Was he Mistake Number One?”

At the mention of his name, Tyler’s head snapped around to regard us, big green eyes wide and alert.  Samson said something to his son in Spanish, and the toddler got up and made his way over.  With a look so tender it made me smile, Samson picked him up and settled him on his hip.

“Tyler was unexpected as well, but besides Kat, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

While I was busy turning to mush at Samson’s unexpected moment of tenderness, Sal screwed his face up uncertainly.  “Aren’t you scared?” he asked Samson.  “I mean, you’re tied to the TLF.  Your life basically doesn’t belong to you.  Aren’t you afraid that something could happen to your family because of your lifestyle?”

Samson didn’t hesitate with his reply.  “You say that like there’s no risk outside of the lives we chose for ourselves.  If I was an accountant with a boring nine to five desk job, a plane could still fall out of the sky and take out my house, killing everybody I love.  It’s not the TLF that makes living risky.  It’s the act of living itself that’s the risk.  You either get over it and learn to accept that not everything is meant to end badly, or you wallow in your own self despair and grow old lonely and bitter.”