Infinity .:Joshler:.

11

i woke up in my bed, all sweaty with tears running down my face. i looked around for Josh but didn't see him. it was all a dream? no, it can't be...

i ran my hands through my hair to try and wake myself up but it didn't work. i dreamt everything. my dad didn't beat me, Josh didn't help me and i never told him i trusted him. i frowned as i felt the need to cry. my eyes went cloudy from tears forming. i looked at my alarm clock to see the time was....14:89.

i rubbed my eyes and the tears away but the time still remained. i sat up and lifted my shirt to see no cuts, or scars. i looked at my hands and slapped myself in the face. wake up, wake up, wake up...

i jolted up in the darkness and my breathing was heavy. once my eyes adjusted, i saw i was in Josh's room with him sleeping next to me. i lifted my shirt up and saw my cuts, but were cleaned up from Josh before we went to bed. i sighed in relief as i laid back down.

my side still hurt every time i moved, which would be a challenge at school, but that's not my biggest concern right now since it's the weekend.

"you okay?" Josh's tired voice asked as his eyes opened. i shrugged. he turned around to look at the time, "it's 4:05 am, did you have a bad dream?"

i nodded as he moved onto his back and motioned for me to rest my head on his chest, and i did. he laid his arm around me and his hand landing gently on my shoulder with his thumb slowly moving back and forth. i closed my eyes again.

"i'm right here," Josh spoke quietly.

///

i woke up again in Josh's bed, this time the sun was shining through the window and the only thing left next to me was a warm indent from where Josh laid. i sat up and rolled out of his bed as i caught a glance at his clock that read 10:21. good.

i walked downstairs and saw Josh in the kitchen with his back to me, standing in front of the stove. i quietly sat down on one of the bar stools at the island and watched as he cooked something while humming very quietly. i smiled when he eventually turned around and jumped.

"Jesus Christ Joseph," he said with a smile as he put a hand on his chest. he put the pancakes on a plate and slid it over to me as he turned to grab syrup. i was starving so i dug right in once he handed me the syrup.

"well okay," he said with a small chuckle as he sat across from me on the other side of the island. i looked at him and noticed his messy morning hair. god i love it. i also noticed that he still wasn't wearing a shirt, not that i'm complaining, but i will complain that he put pants on.

"uhm?" i heard Josh say which made me meet his eyes.

"yes?" i asked.

"what are you thinking about?"

"nothing-"

"mhm okay,"

i smiled as he smirked and i went back to eating my food. if only he was mine. and i don't mean like us hooking up, i mean like "last night" mine.

"did you sleep better after the dream?" he asked and i nodded, "yeah,"

"good."

i watched as he went back to eating but i want to know his side of the story and not just my own feelings.

"hey Josh?"

"hm?"

"how did you feel about last night?"

"what do you mean?"

"like, we didn't, hookup or anything like that, we just kissed and slept in the same bed like a normal couple,"

when i said that last word, Josh's eyes went wide and i tried to fix it, "not that, we're a couple, we're just-normal people, ya'know? y-yeah, i don't want us to date, what? pssh. no. no not at all. mm-mm, nuh-uh,"

i scratched the back of my neck awkwardly as my face started to heat up. i groaned as i buried my head in my arms that rested on the countertop.

"oh Joseph, you crack me up," Josh said with a small chuckle at the end, but i wasn't laughing, i was drowning in my own fear and embarrassment. and i don't know how to swim out.