Handle With Clare

Chapter 9: I Hated That Phrase

Song is for the start of the Chapter!

I got inside the house with an enormous smile plastered on my face. I couldn't believe he asked me to be his girlfriend. I couldn't believe that he kissed me. I had what I never thought I would get, a boyfriend, me, Clare May Atkins the girl from down the road had a boyfriend. For once in my sucky life, everything seemed perfect.

"Clare is that you?" I heard dad call out from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me," I said back to him as I took off my shoes.

"Good, we're just about to eat. Come join us."

I walked down the hall and into the kitchen to see everyone sitting around the round wooden kitchen table my grandfather made for our family ages ago, long before I was even born. No matter where we have lived, this table had gone with us. It had stood the tale of time, and it was only just starting. My parents told us it would last forevermore, and I believed them. I often looked at the table with envy, wishing I could be as sturdy as this table.

I smelt the food that was on the table, feeling my stomach rumble as I realizing that I was starving. I hardly ate anything all day long and now I was feeling it. I looked at the empty seat by Farrah and sat down in it. "Good, now that everyone is here we can stay a prayer and eat," Dad said to us. He led a quick prayer, then we started serving food.

It was quiet for a minute until dad broke the silence. "What's that smile for?" he asked me as he gave me a piece of chicken.

I didn't realize that I was still smiling, but I dropped it before I spoke up. "What? Oh Nothing." If I didn't cool it, they would see through my lies and ruin this moment for me like they did with so many other things.

"Well, something has you all giddy. It's nice to see you smiling. I hadn't seen you this happy in too long."

"I know why she's like that," Farrah smiled as if she knew my secret. Panic flooded through me as I shot her a warning look to stop. She glanced away from me, feeling slightly guilty before sharing. "Peter kissed her."

I composed myself, although I felt like slapping her across her face. I was positive glares had no effect on this family. Why did I even try? I wasn't planning on saying anything just yet. How did she even know about that, anyhow? Was she spying on me? "You saw that?" I asked.

She shrugged as she took a bite of baked chicken. "Just as I was coming down the stairs," She stated with a smug look on her face that I wanted to wipe off.

"Oooohhh," mom gushed with a smile, suddenly interested in this dinner conversation. She dropped her silverware to give me full attention.

Sometimes I felt like she was more of a teen than I was. She lived for this kind of gossip, and I was sure she was going to share it with all of her friends at church. I was suddenly grateful that I didn't go to church often.

I rolled my eyes at mom. "It was just a kiss." I tried to convince myself that this wasn't a big deal. But in my head, I was still freaking out. I played that moment again and again in my mind, convinced that it wasn't true, but I could still taste him on my lips, reminding me that it was real. I still couldn't believe that happened. He asked me to be his girlfriend, then he kissed me. AAAAHHHHHH!

"How did he do it?" mom asked. Of course, she always wanted every single detail. If she could have it her way, we would sit around the table all night long as I went into the details.

I felt my cheeks get red as I thought about it. Suddenly, I was afraid that if I told them what happened in the driveway, they would react negatively. What if they told me I couldn't date him? Fear crept into my mind as I realized that I probably shouldn't say anything. It would be safer for me if they didn't know, but Farrah already told half the story. There was no way to hide it from them when they would find out the rest of the story soon enough. I sighed. Maybe it was better to be honest with them now. "He asked me to be his girlfriend then he kissed me when I said... I would."

"You have a boyfriend now? Wow. All grown up," Farrah said as he straightened her posture with a chuckled, feeling all high and mighty. She only said that because she had boyfriends before. This was one aspect that I might have to ask for help since Farrah went through boys like the clothes in her closet.

"I like Peter. He's a sweet young man," mom said honestly as she took a bite of salad. I raised my eyebrows at her. I thought she would object to having Peter as a boyfriend. After all, she was the first person to suggest I do homeschooling. She thought it was safer to be at home. This was pleasantly surprising. It looked like this was going better than I thought.

"I don't think it is smart for you to have a boyfriend," dad objected.

And this was what I was waiting for. There it was, the reaction I was expecting. Of course, dad would speak up. He was the most protective out of all the family. "Why? Farrah dates. Is it because I'm sick? Many people get sick and they have boyfriends. What makes me different?" I protested.

As I looked at him, I couldn't help but get frustrated. I didn't ask for much at all. But this was what I craved. I wanted them to be happy for me. Couldn't they see I was happy?

"You need your rest."

I sighed loudly at him. I hated that phrase as it made my skin crawl. I was so tired of doing nothing all the time. I was a teen, and I did nothing but stay here and go to the hospital. I wasn't living; I wasn't enjoying life; I was just live one day after another, enduring.

"And I'll get that, I do. But I'm going to have Peter as a boyfriend, even if I don't get your permission. I'm sorry dad, but for the first time in a long time, I feel happy. I feel lucky that a boy like Peter would show interest in me. I never thought that someone would be interested in me, but here we are. I look at myself and I see this girl that I don't want to be, in a life that I don't want to be living, but when I'm with him, he makes me feel different. I like him and you can't take that away from me. Everything else has been taken from me and you can't take away this too," I told him as I got emotional, feeling tears come to my eyes, that I quickly wiped away.

He closed his mouth then sat there quietly for a second as he chewed on the words I told him like a tough steak. He didn't think I would protest like this. I never done this in the past. This was Farrah's expertise, not mine, and because of that it threw him off guard.

I wiped my eyes again, but I kept them trained on him as I waited for a response. The seconds ticked by in slow motion and I felt like I was hanging my a thread.

"Ok, I won't impede it. But I won't say I approve," dad said after a minute.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding back. I nodded, accepting his answer. "Thank you."