Handle With Clare

Chapter 44: News That I Thought I Already Knew

Look for the <> for when to listen to the song!
Darla h

This is five months later

I sat on the edge of the hospital bed waiting for news that I already knew. I pulled out my phone and looked at Instagram as I waited, trying to control my nerves as I scrolled down my newsfeed to see people starting their summer vacations. I frowned, wanting to do that kind of fun stuff as well, but it looks like for another summer in a row, the hospital wouldn't let me leave.

As I looked at photos of Paris, I help but wish I was there, wanting to just pick up and leave on a whim like so many people I knew that were doing. Instead, I was stuck in a town that was so small everyone knew everyone.

"Clare what do you think about going to get ice cream after this?" mom asked me with a smile as she patted my leg.

I looked up at my straight dark-haired mother. She recently dyed her hair and I was not sure how I felt about it since for all my life she had the same style and color, and now things were changing and not just with her. I could feel it in my bones. Everything that I knew was about to change, as if a spring ready to pop, I was just waiting for that moment.

I gave her a small smile back, but didn't force it to stay on my face. As quickly as the smile came to my face, it fell off of it, too anxious to keep it. This was the news I had been waiting for what felt like my whole life and waiting for it was consuming my every thought. As much as I appreciated how she tried to make the best out of things, sometimes there was no amount of ice cream that could help.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure. I guess." and looked back at my phone, not really in the mood to talk.

Almost on cue, the door swung open and walked in my doctor for the past three years. Doctor Patel gave the largest smile that I had ever seen from him and at that moment, I knew what he was going to say. I was finally free. "You're clear," he said to me.

Even though I knew it before he said those words, it felt so surreal for him to say that phrase to me. "What?!" I choked out as his words sank in like a heavy weight at the bottom of the sea.

I was clear.

I finally beat cancer and won.

Mom cried as she held onto my hand. Figures. She was always a wet rag. Without wasting a moment, I got up and hugged mom as I, myself fought back tears. I had waited for this moment for what felt like forever and now it was finally here.

"It's been a long time coming. Clare, I have wanted to say those words to you for so long now. You have a clean bill of health. The last MRI was completely clear."

"I can't believe it," I breathed as I sat back down and thought about it. Finally, no more tests, hospital stays, MRI's, none of it. For the first time in forever, I would be free. I could have the summer that I always wanted. I could plan a future that I always wanted. With no cancer, nothing was holding me back.

"You have the future that you always wanted," he said, reading my mind. He knew me so well, it was going to be hard to say goodbye.

I nodded at Doctor Patel. I wiped my teary eyes and smiled at him. My rock. My doctor. The one that never gave up on me. I owed him so much. I owed him my life. "Thank you."

He nodded at me and gave a small smile.

As his words sunk in deeper, I realized I wouldn't see him anymore. For the past few years, I had grown attached to him, not only as my Doctor but someone I relied on. I was going to miss him, more than I wanted to say. "So I will not see you anymore, am I?" I asked him.

<>

He chuckled at me as he shook his head. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be at your graduation party next week, after all. And then after that, I want you to get an MRI once a year for the next 5 years. You'll still be seeing me around. I promise you that."

I nodded at him. I could do that. Suddenly visiting the hospital once a year didn't seem so bad as long as I could see him. "Yeah, I can do that."

He went to hug me. "You handled this with Clare."

I chuckled at him as I remembered the first time he told me that. He thought he was so witty when he said it and that seemed so long ago. Since that moment, the saying stuck. It was always going to be ours to share. "I'll always handle it with Clare."

He released me then hugged my mom and said a few things to her but that was when I zoned out into my own thoughts. I felt my heart race in my chest as I thought about everything that I could finally start doing . Things on my bucket list that can finally get accomplished, like buying a car, paying bills, getting a job. I also needed to consider career paths more seriously. What did I really want to do with the rest of my life?

"And Clare, you be good. Don't party too hard, and don't live life too extremely. I don't want to see you in the ER with a broken leg or something." Doctor Patel said to me with a smile, as if he thought he was too funny. Over the years he had really gained a sense of humor that I found enjoyable. I would like to claim credit for that since he used to never smile or joke and now look at him.

I smiled widely at him. "I promise."

He opened the door to the room we were at. "You're free to go."

That clump of words held another meaning as I got up from my seat and walked out of the room. I was free to go and I didn't need to come back any time soon. I felt 10 pounds lighter as I walked out of that room, knowing that I was free to go anywhere I wanted to now.

I had a spring in my step with each step I took. I was free. I was clear. I was healthy. That was all I wanted in life for the longest time, that was my only goal for the longest time. I handled cancer with Clare and won.

I rounded the corner of the halls that I knew too well. This place became somewhat of a second home whether I liked it or not. I had so many memories here that were tied together with cancer and without cancer to hold them in place; I wondered if they would fly away like birds before a storm.

As I rounded the last corner, I almost ran into Peter who held flowers in his hands. My smile grew even larger as I wrapped my arms around him. I thought he was still in California visiting his uncle, at least that was what he told me. Could this day get anymore better?

"That good of news?" Peter chuckled as he gripped onto me.

"I'm free. The cancer, it's gone," I said into his shoulder.

"I know. That's why I am here. I thought we should celebrate in person, not over face time," he told me as he held onto me tighter than before. "We can have the future we wanted," he finally whispered into my ear.

I smiled into his shoulder. I wanted that so much, but I never thought I could have it. Finally after years of disappointment, things were looking up for me. "I never thought I could have that."

For the first time in forever, I could think about the future, knowing that I could have one. I could be by Farrah's side and Peter would be by mine. I pulled out of the hug and nodded, knowing that my future was bright.

We walked hand in hand out of the hospital and into the parking lot to the family car to see Farrah sitting on the hood with a huge smile on her face. "Hey sis."

I smiled at her. "Hey sis."

"Guess what happened today," she said as she slid off the hood.

"What?"

"Some of the best news I've heard in my life, but do you want to talk about it over ice cream?" she said to me as dad came out of the car with a smile. Did everyone know the news before me?

"Come on, let's get something to eat. It's been an eventful day," dad said as he gave me a kiss on the top of my head as I started for the car.