Counting Stars and Scars {Kellic}

16. I Won't Let Go

{Song- With Me by Sum 41}

The next day, Dr. Perry clears me as safe to go home.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

My bandages have been changed and I've been checked to make sure the pills haven't affected me any further. I guess that's good.

Kellin picks me up from the house in his old pickup truck, and I say goodbye to Tony on the way out, who just got back from school.

"Text me, okay?" he says and gives me a pat on the back.

"Sure thing." I smile at him and grab my bag before heading out the door.

I see Kellin smiling at me from the drivers seat as I walk down the driveway. I open the door and slide into the passenger seat, throwing my bag into the backseat.

"How are you?" Kellin asks.

I shrug. "As well as can be expected."

He stares at me for a good long while before jamming the keys into the car. "Do you want to go home right now?"

I sigh, a sick feeling in my stomach. My family is the last thing I want to see right now. "Not really."

"Good." Kellin starts up the car. "'Cause we're going somewhere."

"What?" I frown as he drives down the street. "Where?"

He gives me a sly smile. "You'll see."

----

Twenty minutes later, we're standing on the beach. San Diego in early December is not always the greatest time to be outside, but it's nice enough here. The sky is mostly grey with a little bit of sun peeking out from behind a cloud. The waves are coming in big, cresting over in white foam and crashing loudly to the sand. It laps up the golden sand before pulling itself back to where it came from.

I wish I could be more like the ocean.

It knows where it belongs, it knows what it's supposed to do. There's always a sort of chaotic peace surrounding it. It has a side that's unpredictable, and yet also the side that has that serene, wild beauty to it, just like the moon that it happens to be connected to.

"So," Kellin says.

"So," I reply, still wondering why I'm here.

Kellin waves me over and we sit on the soft sand, as close to the waves as we can get without getting hit.

"We need to talk," Kellin says.

I pause, my heart speeding up a bit. "That's what you said before you broke up with me."

Kellin runs a hand through his hair. "I know, and I'll keep saying it; I'm sorry. I think you know now that that was never my intention."

"I think..." I trail off. "Yes, I know. But I think that makes almost more problems then we had before."

Kellin gives me a desperate look. "Is it because I didn't tell you? Because you've got to know how hard it would've been for me."

"Kellin, you're father is beating you. How did you think it would be okay to not tell me?" I'm starting to get slightly hysterical.

Kellin clenches his fists, he always does this when he's upset. "I don't know, I just...you're already going through so much, and I didn't want to add to that, Vic. It's something I needed to deal with."

"You needed to deal with? You realize this is no different from me, right? We're both going through things, Kells. You're not allowed to shut yourself down because you think I don't want to deal with it!" I pause for a breath. "Do you not want to deal with me?"