Survived ~《A true story of a sexualy abused victim 》

My Battlefield

The hardest thing of my own struggle will be to have people trust me.. I was unlucky to be born with such parents.. but they had their share of fame.. they were always famous for telling lies.. I knew that this would be considered for me as well .. I wish some how I could change everything go back to god before being born and asked to just keep me dead rather than sending me down here..
Yes everyone has their share of troubles but what if you are born cursed..cursed of never being able to be happy cursed to be used..
.. I don't know the outcome of my struggle but I know that I will always have a past which I can never change.. a something that I can't tell everyone even after knowing... hard to prove that I am not a lier .. but one day I will no matter how hard it will be .. I know that I did lie a lot when I was a child but that wasn't me I just told what mom told me to say....
There was once this incident where I was going to my badi ammi's place and it was the time of ganpati festival.. and as my badi ammi's daughter i.e my elder sister.. had an intercast marriage and mom told me on the stairs before reaching the door to go and tell badi ammi that phupu(unty) had told that there will be a ganpati in their house as my sister has gotten married to a shetty... I did not know what I was telling but I just went and told..
I was always just a tool to be used one way or the other..
.. I realised after growing up that I was alone I didn't have any real siblings and I was always kept away from my cousin's.. and In the end I was alone isolated.. just a piece of flesh..
I never had any feelings.. I always faked a smile in front of everyone and cried when alone.. I still do cry.. I am crying right at this moment while writing..
It's hard to be strong... but it's very easy to break again...
It took me a lot of counselling to just tell my feelings by the way of writing over here on waatpad.. but I have still not been able to tell my feelings by the way speech...
Yes I know that I am different I may be sico or wierd but i didn't choose it .. it just happened.. even I want to live a normal life be a normal girl but it seems the more I try the more I am brought back... to reality that I am never gonna be able to be normal.. I may not deserve it.. I just feel as if I am a piece of flesh with no feelings.. I wish I could close my feelings and bottle them up as I did all these year's..