Call me Soldier

[17] Recovery

Rebecca P.O.V

I wake up in my bedroom. Bucky is sleeping with his head on the edge of the bed.

I shift, trying not to wake him. Unfortunately, he isn't a super soldier for nothing.

"Rebecca?" He groggily looked at me."Oh thank god, your alive. Why would you do that? Why?"

I suddenly felt very self conscious and hot. It was like being examined under a microscope. It was uncomfortable and I felt ashamed of myself. A combination of shame and guilt. Why did I try that? Bucky's question made it seem like a stupid idea, but still, I felt so angry and hopeless-- what else was I supposed to do?

I just put my head in my hands. I couldn't look at him.

It was so confusing. A mix of disappointment, shame, guilt, relief, so many emotions. It was like I was bare. People saw me, but differently.

I was fragile and tragic. It was unsettling.

"Okay, Im going to tell the others."

"Wait. Tell them, but I don't want to see them." I averted my eyes away from his face. He nodded and left the room. I laid back and stared at the ceiling.

The door creaked, and I shifted to look at the person who had come in. It was Melanie.

She walked over and sat next to me.

"I just thought that you would want to know, the others decided that I should stay with you for awhile, until you feel better."

I looked at her. She didn't look at me with pity. I liked that. I slowly nodded.

Time lapse to a week later

"Rebecca, you need to talk to me." Melanie was trying to get me to tell her about my nightmares.

"I don't think I can." I wanted to, but thinking about my terrible past was really hard.

"Just try. Okay? Just try. Don't worry, you can pretend that I'm not even here."

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "I'm in the Hydra base. It's really cold and dark. Dr. Zola is there. He wants me to meet the Winter Soldier. Neither of us trust the other, but we have a mission. We take a helicopter to the edge of some woods and then we walk on foot. There is a house with brick walls and a deck. A man is waiting for us outside with a gun. He tells us to stop, but we just keep going. He shoots us, but Bucky dodges it and I just heal. I don't remember after that but I know we killed him and his wife."

"Okay, so you never were afraid during missions?" She asks.

"No, I knew that I could heal. Now, though, I haven't had my treatment in a while. See the silver on my arms has faded away? I probably wouldn't heal anymore."

"Well, maybe Tony can make a new Serum." I just nodded.

"Well, I think that's good for today. I'm glad your finally opening up." We went our separate ways.

Time lapse to a few more weeks later

Tony wasn't able to collect enough of the nano bots out of my body, so he can't replicate the Serum, but I don't mind.

Melanie and I have made progress, so they took me off suicide watch, but I still take antidepressants. I feel better. Not that I don't still feel guilty, but I understand that Bucky would really be upset if I died, so ya know...