inside my mind • lucaya

Chapter One

HEY PLEASE READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END ITS I M P O R T A N T. THANK YOU!

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"Sometimes trapping everything inside and not saying anything just makes it worse."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Riley asks as she is sitting down at the lunch table.

"Nothing much," everyone says in unison.

Pathetic, I know. I'm pathetic.

Why do I have to sit here everyday and watch Riley and Lucas hold hands? Why do I have to watch Farkle and Smackle have... well whatever it is exactly that they have. Is preserving everyone's feelings worth the loneliness?

All I know is that I think I deserve to be happy for once, but everyone cares about Riley's feelings because she seems to hold us together. Fair? Not really, but that's the consequence of having friends. I just know I don't want any of them to leave; I can't lose anyone else.

It's kind of sad, the couples sit with each other, leaving me and Zay off to the side alone, and we don't really talk. Usually we just listen to what we are missing out on. I hate when Lucas is around because then he has most of Riley's attention. She usually asks me why I don't talk, but I lie and tell her I'm busy eating.

I'm sorry I gave up everything for you - including my happiness -appreciate it and let me sit in silence. (car radio)

They say jealously is ugly, but I think I look pretty good.

Not really.

Is it supposed to hurt when you think you are doing the right thing? I would assume the answer is yes, or I'm not doing this right.

Am I not good enough for him?

"Maya!" I hear Riley yell.

"What?" I ask with wide eyes.

"We asked you a question," she says.

Unless the question is about how I feel, I'm not interested.

"Could you repeat that?" I ask as innocent as possible. It's not like I ignored them or anything.

"Smackle wanted to know if you were going to eat your sandwich," she says.

Oh. What am I the cafeteria lady?

"Oh. No, here," I say.

I pass her the sandwich then get up to go dump my tray.

Why didn't I wait for them? I always wait for them? Oh well, they probably didn't notice anyways. They only needed me for my food. I feel so used.

When I get back to the table, I tap Zay on the shoulder.

"Come with me," I say.

I grab his shirt and drag him to the water fountain outside the cafeteria.

"Don't you feel a little... awkward sitting there?" I ask.

"A little, but I try not to let it get to me."

"I wish it was that easy."

"What do you mean Maya?"

No. He doesn't know. Play it off.

"Well I feel like no one talks to us and it is awkward."

"Then we can talk."

After giving him a weird look, I ask, "But they should include us shouldn't they?"

"Stop dodging the subject. Why don't you want to talk, we are talking right now?"

Well if you want to know so bad, it is because I like your best friend and if we talked and got close you would probably find out.

"It's not that, it's just... we don't really hang out much," I say, trying to come up with any excuse to protect myself.

"So we talk, and we get to know each other, then we hang out. I feel lonely and so do you, so why not use this opportunity to get closer?"

You got me there. There's no way out of this, huh?

"Okay. But don't think we are going to be best friends or anything, I already have one of those," I say, which is followed up with him laughing.

I'm not that funny. Why are you laughing?

We walk back into the cafeteria and reclaim our seats, but not without question.

"Where were you guys at?" Farkle asks.

"Just getting a drink at the water fountain," Zay says.

We exchange smiles when they all nod their heads in approval of the story.

How exactly are we supposed to start talking all of a sudden? Isn't that going to seem a little suspicious? I hope they don't think we like each other.

Wait.

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Okay so I just finished the chapter and you probably saw already, but girl meets world is cancelled. Okay there is no point in me writing this now but if you want it continued please tell me and I will. ._.