Raphael /BoyxBoy/

||Twenty||

When I told Scarlet about finding a place and asking a friend about it, I lied. To some extent. I was going to find a place, I knew I would, but I had no idea who to go to.

I did the closest, or the farthest, thing to finding out.

I stalled.

The busy streets were alight under the darkening sky, reminding me of the view from Scarlet's apartment windows. My windows. And now it seemed ridiculous that I was here, walking down the streets of a city that no longer even felt familiar to me. I couldn't believe this used to be the place I called home.

I let my feet lead the way, and soon found myself standing outside the coffee shop he used to like.

I scanned the place quickly, and was lucky to find no trace of his brown hair.

"Jake?"

I glanced up at the sound of my name. "Hey, Tom."

He grinned, still looking friendly in his apron. "Hey yourself. What are you doing here?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. "I have no idea."

He winced. "Nate doesn't know?"

I shook my head. "Did he tell you?"

"Pretty much everything."

"Great," I said drily.

Tom pushed me towards an empty table and took my order before promising to be right back. I watched him disappear, feeling a sense of déjà vu at his retreating form and wondering if he was about to pull out his phone and text Nate right away.

"Fuck," I muttered, holding my head in my hands as I stared down at the tabletop.

What would Raphael say now? I asked myself bitterly, almost mockingly. Probably laugh and say something about rash decisions and how the fuck I had just spent money on a useless plane trip.

Luckily Tom returned before my thoughts could venture too far into self hatred.

"What's the plan?" he asked, taking the seat in front of me.

I frowned. "Plan?"

"Well, I'm guessing you're not just here for killer coffee."

"Sadly."

He smiled. "He's okay, you know. With everything. I mean, it's fucked up-"

"Thanks."

Tom rolled his eyes. "It's fucked up but he likes you enough to put it behind him. You guys just need to talk it out."

I let the coffee mug warm my hands as I looked away from him and towards the window. "Yeah, right."

He was silent for a second. "You don't like him, do you?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore."

"You met someone else?"

It wasn't as simple at that, but exhaustion from a long, restless plane trip didn't allow enough energy to explain. That it wasn't just that I found someone else, but that the time I had spent yearning for Nate wasn't because of who he was. I wasn't yearning for him, I was yearning for the idea of him. That there was someone familiar and safe I could rely on to feel the same way. And taking the easy way out has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. Thus the impromptu plane ride.

Above that, there was the resenting fact that it had to take Raphael's presence to make me realize all of that. I hated that I could not have figured it out on my own. That again, I needed someone else to hold my hand and drag me from one revelation to the other.