Built on Hope (Cassian Andor FF)

32. Haunted

Air.

Talia needed air.

She rushed out into the lush forests of Dantooine, not knowing where she would go. She had to go somewhere. Anywhere. Away from her room. Away from Cassian.

Bile rose in her throat. She wanted to puke. But god, she hated the action. She swallowed and took a moment to stop and simply breathe. She let the tears in her eyes fall, nice and cool against her heated skin.

It was calm out there. Nothing but the birds singing in the trees as they lulled themselves to sleep. Night had already fallen, leaving the stars above twinkling. Talia wouldn't let her attention falter from steadying her own breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

Soon enough, she felt better. Still had to lean onto a tree to maintain her balance, but overall, she felt better. Less cooped up. Less emotional. Jeez, the emotions were strong enough. More than she could take. As if she were drowning in a dark ocean that tried to consume her from the inside out. There was no swimming away from that.

Nearby, she heard drinking and laughing. Melodic tunes that brushed against her skin and ears. It felt...nice. Nice to hear such joy.

That's right. The get together. Once a week, some of the rebels would start a campfire and sit around to drink and hang out. Took the edge off any mission they had come back from, or simply eased the time while waiting for a new one. Cassian said he would go to this one. Talia had to at least show up before he did.

Talia walked over slowly, making sure to take each step carefully. Her mind still spun a bit, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. For now. She couldn't drink anymore. Wouldn't. It didn't numb anything. Just made it easier not to think. She grabbed a water bottle and sat down in an empty seat next to Essja. All of their friends were there, listening intently to one of Ven's stories. He always told the best ones. He was usually quiet, but man, when people got him talking, he couldn't stop. In a good way, of course. Best storyteller in the circle.

Talia took a small sip of water and set the bottle on the ground. She wrapped her good arm around her torso as her brown eyes stared into the fire in front of her. None of the other rebels paid any attention to her yet, and she was thankful. Well, all except for Kay-Tuesso. He watched her intently, head cocked to the side as he tried to analyze her. She wouldn't let him. Not yet. Talia remained still, not making any expressions or fidgeting.

It almost worked. Until Halron finally looked over at her and his joyous expression fell into a frown. He nodded towards her and asked, "Hey Tal, are you okay?"

Essja cleared her throat, and when she got his attention, she shook her head.

Subtle gesture. Unfortunately for Talia, not subtle enough. The other rebels slowly quieted down as Halron looked at her. She couldn't meet his eyes. By now, the other rebels had heard about the mission. Word traveled quickly, especially when it dealt with something harsh. Rebels ate the gossip up. But no one had heard about the bombing. "The kid pulled off a false flag operation and suicide bombed a market." She wrapped her arm tighter around herself like a snake. It comforted her, even while under all of their gazes as if she were a species under a microscope. "Cassian and I got into a fight over it. Said some things I shouldn't have."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Talia nodded in response. Halron waited and took another drink. He always stuck up for his friends, and this situation was no exception. "Cassian chose to go against orders, you know. That counts for integrity."

Talia's voice deadpanned, "I wish it could have ended differently. For both situations."

"We always do." Halron stretched out on the log, and thought for a long moment. Storytime, storytime. Campfires were meant to be fun, but sometimes, most of the time, especially under drunk circumstances, they got dark. "When I first started out, I was so young. Reckless. I accidentally sabotaged the wrong ship and killed a man that was doing good for the galaxy. You know, the bleeding heart type to give food and supplies to the injured and homeless on war torn planets. To take someone like that away from the galaxy? I still regret being so careless. Not paying enough attention. That's why I try to do good here or there in his name."