Built on Hope (Cassian Andor FF)

14. Personal Struggles

AN: Okay so I was listening to Star-Dust from the Rogue One soundtrack while writing this, and damn, it fit this chapter too well. I linked it in case you guys want to listen while you read. Other than that, there's a deep aesthetic at the bottom...Oh! THIS BOOK WON THIRD IN THE CRAZE AWARDS! YAYYY!!! WARNING: This chapter contains some sensitive material, such as PTSD and a panic attack. Please be cautious if this hits home with you.

There were a few hours when the city of Ralock fell quiet, and the drunks had either found their way home, or crashed somewhere along the way. Others slept soundly in their homes, tucked away from the howling winds of the night. Fest's temperature dropped by the hour, accompanied by more and more snow.

Ralock was tucked between mountains in a small valley made of hard, blue ice. Sturdy bridges linked the whole city together, in between the large crevices with long drops. Talia had been lucky enough to see some of the inhabitants wandering home after a tough night of partying or work. The population had mainly been humans, but there were a few colonies here and there of the adorable beings Cassian called Ewoks.

The new plan was to lay low for a few days. With the recent run in with a bounty hunter, Cassian thought it to be too risky to go back to Dantooine base. So, finding refuge on Fest seemed to be the best option. Cassian went out to get food from his neighbor, and promised to be back quickly. It gave enough time for Talia to observe the place.

A light layer of dust covered the furniture. A hastily made bed sat in the corner of the room. The couch and chairs appeared to be hardly used. Photographs and Cassian's items littered the coffee table. All of the frames on the green walls were empty, but one portrait of Cassian's family. He warned her not to go into the back bedrooms, but she didn't question why. This was his old home, and it only felt right to respect his privacy.

Talia lightly touched her bitten arm, tracing her fingers along the bandages. Even as she looked around, her mind was elsewhere, back in that alleyway where she murdered her first victim. The moment replayed in her mind, over and over again. She couldn't tell if it was the guilt eating her alive, or if she was just psyching herself out because of what it meant to take a life. Talia peered down at her hand, and found herself subconsciously playing with the holochip Captain Antilles had given her.

The front door opened, and Cassian stepped inside with a bag in his hand. He saw Talia standing there in her own little world as he set the food down on the coffee table.

It was time.

Whatever was on the holochip, Cass was meant to see it. Talia should have remembered to give it to him when she had the chance, but everything from that day clouded her mind too much. Now she had to accept the consequences of how he was going to react.

Talia straightened her posture and put on a brave face. Her stomach twisted anxiously as she held out the holochip. "This is for you. Captain Antilles gave it to me to pass on to you, but..." I forgot. She thought bitterly before continuing, "...but I was too disoriented from the battle to remember."

Cassian's eyebrow twitched and he took it from her. "What's on it?" He started walking to his old room, which had a holoprojector. He used to come back all the time on his father's birthday to replay old holograms. A part of him wondered if his father had anticipated an early death, and that's why he wanted to record every special moment with little baby Cassian.

Talia shrugged as she followed him. "Not sure. Antilles never explained." She glanced around his old room before sitting down on his small, comfy bed. A thick layer of dust settled on everything it could. The gray walls were faded, and the drawings he had pinned on there were even more so. A chest full of toys sat next to the holoprojector on the table, but as far as furniture went, that's all that the room contained.