»Heartbeat« (Vkook Smut)

ċɦaքtɛʀ 13

Jungkook PV

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>>Flashback<<
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It was cold. Everytime I looked up to the sky I asked to myself what I did wrong. Why are my feelings wrong? I was alone. I sat on that bank in this lonely park all by myself. I was kicked out of my parents home after I told them that I'm attracted to men. I slept over in hotels, since I had enough money. But, that didnt work everytime. I had to sleep over in this park as well. Outside, in this cold time. Where do I belong to? Where am I going now? Do I even deserve it to be alive? My parents didnt give me that kind of feeling. Not only them. I was bullied in school right after everyone find out about my secret. Why does everyone hate me? Why do I have to be different? I always thought It would be okay, but it doesn't seem like that. "I'm just a burden for everyone", I always thought.

I began to harm myself. I had cut my wrist at least more than seven times. It burned like hell. But the pain gave me sort of comfort. But I always was too scared to end everything. I was to nervous as I hold the blade in my hands tighter. Wanting to cut deeper and deeper. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. Two voices. There were two voices in my Head and there still are. One of them always would say there is no reason to be Alive and the other would say  the completely opposite.

I kept hoping. Hoping for a miracle. Even when there were times I couldn't stand it anymore. Even when everything was enough. I didnt forget how to hope, even though I still wanted to hurt me. To end everything right away. To release myself from this hell. But this hell, I never dreamed of I could escape  someday, turned into a dream like heaven as I heard a voice. A voice that saved me from falling deeper into the pain. A voice that saved me from myself. A voice, I would never want to forget. This voice was what I waited for. To hear it, to be rescued by it. It was the miracle I waited for. It was the reason why I wasn't brave enough to cut the blade deeper into my wrist.
He was the reason. He woke me up from this pain. He let me feel alive.

"What are you doing in this cold place?", the yet stranger asked me with worried eyes. I always wondered why he was worried since we didn't know each other. Now I wouldn't have thought it would turn out like this. "I dont have a place to go.", I simply said. If he would know the reason, I'm sure he would react like the others. Disgusted and disappointed. "You can come to my place.", he smiled. I would never have thought that this smile would be the only reason for me for still being alive. Going to the place of a stranger? That time, I didn't care. I didn't care if the stranger might be a psychopath or something like that. I didnt care, if he would kill me or something even more worse. I didnt Care about my life, that time. I didnt care about Being alive or not. "Thank you", I answered.

It was the best decision I could make. Meeting him. Falling more and more in love with him. I wish I told you even in the past how much you helped me. How happy you made me with saying you would love me. I wish I thanked you even more than I did in the past. If it wasn't you, I wouldn't be here anymore. You were the reason why I never touched a blade to hurt myself anymore since I met you. It was you, who saved me from everything. I hope, I could make you happy too. I hope I will make you smile and laugh like you did. I hope, you will stay by my side in the future. I hope, nothing will separate us.

And after all this time, I still hope.

{(A/N: Argh! This chapter made even me sad af. Hope you still like it. See you next time ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ)}