Way Wedding

The Fall and The Parachute.

Out of breath I peered over the crowd of fans, their arms waving as they screamed my name. The deafening sound of "Frank and Frankies" was almost deafening. A hot light peered down my back making sweat soak into my plaid button up and drip down my forehead.

"Alright you guys, lets put our hands together for one last song. We are gonna do it a little different though." I smiled taking a seat on an amp and pulling an acoustic guitar out from behind it. An echo of fan girls woots was the only sound I could hear as the audience watched me. Strumming my tattooed fingers over the familiar strings I looked over to side stage locking eyes with Gerard. His body at an angle leaning against the wall, his eyes wide with amazement. It was hard for me to believe that after 10 shows of the same set list he could find any of this amusing. 

"Parachutes are life saving devices. We rely on them to bring us back from the brink of death. Whether we fall or jump, they are the only things keeping us alive. Such as with life, we are all just falling or plunging to an eventual end, but the love of my family and my ability to create art and music has always been my parachute. The act of living can be random and strange, beautiful and ugly, all at the same time, and the only thing that is undeniably certain is eventually we are all gonna hit the ground. Some of us plummet at an incredible rate and it's over in a flash, but some of us get saved and are able to enjoy the view for a little while.  This is a little something that's going on the next album called Oceans. When I tell you writing this album has one of my parachutes I mean it. I wanted to share it with you guys, hope you like it."  

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" I wish I was good enough, 

wish I was good enough, 

I've never been good enough for your love."

I looked up to the crowd for the first time, their hands clapping together, not really hearing the weight of the words. Enjoying the sound, the pitch, the depth, but not knowing that I so desperately meant every word. That regardless of the facade that I was putting on for them I was probably just as lost, if not more than, their teenage hearts were. I had a man that I loved from the time I could legally drink, an ex-wife that regardless of what I had put her through in the last couple of months, still cared deeply for me, and beautiful children that inspired me every single day; and despite the fact that I had all of these things going for me I was still a mess. Waving my hand bidding the audience's sweaty smiling faces a farewell, I walked off stage left, my beloved guitar in tow with a trail of "encore" haunting the stuffy air of backstage. 

"Hi Sugar." Gee smiled, pecking my forehead and taking the guitar from my hands. I was always so adrenaline rushed after shows I was either uncontrollable or exhausted. My pleading eyes must of been mistaken for the latter. In all reality I was waiting desperately to hear his opinion. Before meeting and learning from him, I always just threw angsty lyrics on a page and wrote a few notes beside them and played my guitar as a distraction from the angry feelings that sat heavy on my chest. That had been my life when I was a part of Pencey Prep. That is until the night I saw Gerard perform "Skylines and Turnstiles" in a dark basement. The emotion behind the words was what had made me fall in love with My Chemical Romance; made my passion so evident that I was able to have 10 incredible years with both Gerard and the entire band. Thinking back on it now, if you had told me I would get to be a part of a band I loved with, I probably would have looked at you like you were psychotic. Through the years, Gerard had taught me that there was a way to crack that anger open and showed that it was okay to be angry, but give another outlet along with it. His lessons had made Stomaches the hit that it was, and now that I had him back in my life there was still the adolescent inside of me begging for his approval.

"So, umm what did you.." I trailed off kicking my boots around the grimy backstage ground. 

"What did I think?" he paused his smile fading into a solemn look "I think I hurt you an inordinate amount, and I regret it with all of my heart." his hand reached to the side of my face rubbing his thumb rubbing over my cheek as if he was wiping away tears as he continued "Frankie, honey, i'm the one that is not good enough for your love, because nobody is good enough for the amount of love and caring you have to give. Especially someone as selfish and cowardly as I once was." 

Awestruck I cupped my hand over the one still dwelling on my cheek as little tears tumbled onto both of them. My insecurities had always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone, that I was worthless, meaningless. In this world of meaningless relationships I had been blessed with two amazing ones. 

"Let's go to the bus." I choked out with a little smile. His arm was wrapped around my waist pulling me alongside him. Cheers still trailing behind us as we tried to maneuver out of the venue door and onto the bus without anyone noticing us. Not in a context of embarrassment but more of saving our loved ones from the media. We had always been thankful that our time in MCR had been a relatively paparazzi free, but now if some homosexual love affair was caught by a Frerard fan, that could spell some serious coverage.  Pulling our hoods up over our messy hair and shoving my recognizable hands into my hoodies pockets, we made our way across the parking lot in silence. I wanted him to myself more than ever and the walk across the asphalt seemed to drag on. 

"OH MY GOD." A voice screamed behind us making both of our feet stop in their tracks. "FRANK I LOVE YOU, like you have no idea." they paused as I could feel their eyes burning into my back. "IS THAT.." I turned with pleading eyes as Gerard ignored my outstretched arm doing the same. 

"GERARD ARTHUR WAY." the girl's voice screeched making both of us jump and cower."