Unrequited

Chapter 25

Elliot sits at his small dining room table holding his "#1 Dad" coffee mug in one hand and grasping his phone in the other.  It isn't ringing.  No text message notifications, no type of alert whatsoever.  He blows out a deep breath, frustrated at himself for even behaving this way.  They were at a standoff, neither willing to make the first move.
He spent half the night tossing and turning, picking up his phone to dial her number and then setting it back down again.  It was stubborn and immature but he felt like she owed him an apology.  It was also a stalling tactic.  Olivia didn't do well when she was backed into a corner and if they talked about it before she was ready there was a risk she would say something that he wasn't ready to here.  Still, it hurt him any second they spent mad at one another.  He could've had the woman he loved next to him in bed and felt her smooth skin, the dips and curves of her luscious body.  Instead he spent the night alone staring at the ceiling dozing off for no more than an hour at a time replaying the argument in his mind.

I'm sorry for trying to help you.
I do fine handling things on my own.

Under the table his knee bounces nervously, the breakfast on his plate moves around uneaten.  The feeling of uncertainty rests at the pit of his belly and even though it hasn't been 24 hours, he misses her.  He misses her so damn much.  It seems like such a silly argument in hindsight but an issue he feels would mar the course of their relationship, her overwhelming independence and his tendency to insert himself to help her.
Elliot jerks the phone off the counter, nearly dropping the travel itinerary from work he received last night that is also in the back of his mind.  He will deal with that later.
"Fuck this," he mumbles to himself and half heartedly to the airplane ticket to Denver staring back at him. 
Instead of calling and risking waking up Noah he types a text message instead.  Good Morning.
No that's lame.  He deletes and then starts again. 
Can you talk?
It's generic but maybe that will work although he still doesn't know what they will talk about.  He's standing firm on what he believes....well somewhat firm. She's got to let him in and let the other shit go.  They've come too far to be right back at square one.  He hadn't been back in her life long but he thought when they made the decision to start their relationship they were finally done with the past.  Even saying it to himself it sounded naive but he didn't expect such a fierce reaction from her regarding the situation with Noah.
Dragging his hand down his face, he sighs loudly rolling his head back and forth to release some of the tension in his neck. Nothing with them had ever been easy.  He's not sure why he expected any different but he always felt prepared for Olivia's anger. As partners, he braced himself every time they were on opposite sides of a case usually involving kids or religion.  In those instances he was ready for how far he would take it and sometimes anticipate her responses.  He was only thrown off by her when she returned from Oregon and the tension with them had been at its height.  Now he is completely blindsided. It wasn't about a case or something they could attempt to leave behind them when the verdict was in and the paperwork was completed.  This could go on and on and he needs them on the same page. He needs her, more than he ever realized.  Ending his marriage was one thing because he saw that coming after years of trying and failing but Olivia.  He wants...no he needs this to work.
As he pushes the button to send the message his phone rings and Kathleen's name crosses the screen.
"Hey honey," he answers gruffly, pouring the rest of his cold coffee down the sink.
"Hey I know it's a little early but I have to meet a friend to hang out on the other side of town so I was going to drop off Eli."
Elliot racks his brain trying to remember something he's clearly forgotten.
Kathleen sighs. "Don't tell me you forgot."
"No, no not at all," he lies squeezing his forehead willing himself to remember. His mind has been all over the place the last 24 hours thanks to work and Olivia.
"Dad!"
"Okay I give. I forgot."
Kathleen's annoyed groan reflects exactly how he feels.  "You and Eli were supposed to go and see the monster truck show later today since he got out of school early.  He's been looking forward to this."
Shit.
"Did something happen with work and you have to cancel?" He's already shaking his head no even though she can't see him. Despite the changes over the past few years, it's evident that his kids sometimes forget they are his number one priority now.
"Not at all," he grimaces once again eyeing the itinerary in front of him.  "Bring him on up. He and I can go grab a bite to eat or something before we go.  You know I hate to buy food inside these things it costs a fortune."
That comment earns him a sarcastic chuckle from his daughter and he begins to relax a little bit.  "You're such a cheapskate Dad."
"$9.50 for a hot dog," he laughs while looking around in his closet for something to put on to replace the t-shirt and sweatpants he's currently wearing.  "Five bucks for a coke.  I could get us both meals for that somewhere."
"Wherever that place is I don't want to eat there.  By the way we're already pulling up so buzz us in."
Twenty minutes later, the three of them are gathered around the table trading barbs about Elliot being cheap and Kathleen nurses a cup of coffee, watching him intently.
"So which one are you looking forward most to seeing?" Kathleen prompts an over excited Eli. 
"I just want to see them all fly through the air and smush up a bunch of cars."
His son's excitement lessens the dull ache in his chest even if for just a few moments. However, his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and he looks up from a fresh cup of coffee to see the mirror image of his blue eyes staring back at him intently.  Quickly diverting his gaze back to Eli, he continues to ask his youngest son questions and laugh at his animated gestures but he can already sense that he isn't doing much to deter his inquisitive offspring.
Kathleen stands up from the table, collecting their empty mugs on her way to the kitchen.  Elliot sneaks a peek at his phone and sees that he still has no messages from her, just an email from his boss probably confirming the inevitable.  His short fingernails tap the table impatiently while he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"Hey Eli, why don't you go in your room and watch TV for a bit while me and Dad talk?"
He looks like he wants to protest but listens to his big sister anyway and walks away with his shoulders slumped.
"What's that abo--"
He stops mid-sentence at the piece of paper she places in front of him.  "When were you going to tell us?  Are you about to leave is that why you're being so weird?"
Elliot sighs and stands up to stretch his legs needing to create a little distance.  "I was going to tell you when it was set in stone and I'm not being weird. There may be someone who can go in my place.  They are only pushing this Denver thing because McMahon is really sick and can't go.  He has to have surgery in a week," he explains pleading with her to understand. "You know I wouldn't just up and leave without telling you guys as soon as I could."
Kathleen's lips curl up a tiny bit and he can tell he's gotten through. "Okay well you know I have to pack for you so let me know when it's official."
"I will," he pulls her into a side hug placing a kiss on her forehead.
"I'm serious Dad.  Or I'll send Lizzie over here and that's much worse."
He chuckles and releases her from his hold.  "You get no argument from me there."
"So if it isn't work then what's going on?"
Damn. He really can't get anything past his girls.
"Don't even think about it," she holds up her hand to cut him off before he opens his mouth to give her an excuse.  "Just tell me. Is it Liv?"
Elliot shrugs with a defeated stance.
"What did you do?"
Well shit, but he guesses he can't expect anything different. He doesn't have the best track record with women.  He walks over to the sofa and Kathleen joins him on the other end, her arms folded and legs tucked underneath her making it clear that she's not going anywhere.
"I thought you had plans to meet your friend?" he asks hoping to remind her that she's running late for something.
"I already texted her and as luck would have it she's running behind too.  So spill it."
Despite feeling a bit sheepish he relays the night's events to his daughter and thankfully she has a really good ability to listen and not interrupt which causes him to talk more.  Omitting the sex on the couch of course, he talks about the mixup over Noah and how she is hell bent on doing everything herself even when he's there to help.  When he's done he feels like he's made a pretty good case for himself but once he meets Kathleen's stare he realizes he may not have won her over after all.
"So?"
"You want my honest opinion?" Her tone is soft, her pink converse hitting the floor as she sits up to square her shoulders with his. He braces himself for it.  It amazes him that after living in a house full of women for years he still doesn't understand them.
"You've been gone awhile.  You can't expect everything to change overnight."
Steadying himself to speak again, she places her hand on his knee to stop him.  "It takes time.  Liv has been on her own for awhile.  Even before you left y'know? Look at how it is with us kids.  It's still hard for us to adjust to how everything is now that we can talk to you and that work isn't consuming your life and it's been years.  Saying I'm sorry doesn't make everything just go away."
Logically what she's saying makes perfect sense but he's just trying to do the right thing for everyone and he seems to still be messing up.
"I think it's more than that.  When it comes to family she just shuts me out.  When everything happened with her brother, she dealt with it on her own.  I had to follow her to see what was going on and we almost both got ripped.  Now with Noah I just tried to watch him--"
"Ok so what do you think the reason is that she keeps you out of her family matters?"
Elliot shrugs, the tension building in his shoulders.  "You know, she didn't even ask me when she helped you.  She just went out there," he flails his arms, "talked to my mom and you and got all involved and didn't even ask me."
"Like you did with her brother," she reminds him and he sighs rolling his eyes. She's right.
"But why did she have to do that?" Kathleen asks.
"What?" 
"Why did she have to go behind your back? She had just found out about her brother and was trying to put the pieces together but--"
Elliot stands and begins to pace while she talks. "Dad you said it yourself that she didn't even know Grandma was alive.  That's pretty shitty don't you think?"
He shakes his head in denial.  "That's beside the point."
"You were at her mom's funeral.  You know everything about her whether she lets you in or not but you keep everything to yourself.  She worked along side you everyday but how much does she know about the stuff that happened with Grandpa or about Aunt Ju-"
"Okay Okay," he interrupts waving her off.
"Dad, you just can't expect to get everything when you don't give everything.  That's all I'm saying.  You keep a lot bottled up. I'm sure Liv is feeling pretty vulnerable with....everything."
Elliot chuckles bitterly, hand on his hip as he looks over to the pictures of his kids on his mantlepiece.  "I can't believe I'm getting romantic advice from my kids.  I must be a real sorry SOB."
Kathleen smiles, grabbing her purse preparing to leave.  "It's ok Dad.  Just call her and work this out.  Don't let this fester too long ok?"
"I won't as long as you promise not to tell your sisters.  I don't want to worry them over nothing."
Staring at him knowingly, she lifts her eyebrow while putting the phone in his hand for him to call Olivia.  "You just don't want to be lectured again but I hear you.  I'll keep it to myself," she says grabbing the door handle, "for now." 
Elliot places a quick kiss on her forehead as she yells goodbye to Eli and promises to be back later if he needs her to pack for his trip.
The sound of the door slamming echoes through the living room giving him just a few moments to think through Kathleen's advice. Eli is playing around in his room so he knows the peace is short lived. He pads over to the table with his hand gripping the phone and suddenly he's tired. With Olivia, even when he didn't want to admit it he prided himself on being her everything and pushing the doors down to let himself in when she didn't open them willingly. Never once did he think about or feel guilty for not letting her in the same way.
Their relationship had been a balanced imbalance for years. She's been vulnerable more than he's been vulnerable. He's pushed more than he was pushed. But they both protected each other fiercely and without hesitation.
He has to fix this and he's dialing her number before he even realizes.
"Hello."
The relief at hearing her voice renders him speechless for a split second before he recovers. "Hey."
"Hey." Her voice is soft, void of anger and it puts him more at ease.
"I'm so sorry Liv." For everything. For things I can't begin to explain to you.
"Me too."
His shoulders immediately relax, a weight off his shoulders.  "I didn't mean--to," he stutters, scratching his eyebrows willing the right words to form.
"I know. I know I didn't mean to either."  Her words come out in a desperate rush and he feels solace in the fact that the argument between them was bothering her just as much.  They haven't ironed out the details of what the other is sorry for but at least the apology is out there.
"I've been meaning to call," she adds and he waves his hand as if she can see him.  "No no I needed to apologize.  I didn't mean to push I just--I just wanted--"
"Dad dad is it time to go yet?" Eli interrupts.  His blonde curls bounce freely with his exaggerated head movements.
Elliot turns back to him, his temporary annoyance at being interrupted overpowered by the adoration of his son and his feisty attitude that he no doubt inherited from him.  "Hey baby--I gotta..."
She cuts him off with an amused chuckle.  "I understand.  Believe me."
And she does. He's made some asshole remarks to her over the years about not being able to understand certain things because she wasn't a parent but he's happy they have this solid ground.
"I'll call you later?" He asks still a little unsure of himself.
"Yes," he can hear the smile in her voice.  "You better call me later."
As he hangs up the phone he turns to an impatient Eli urging him to change shirts while he sends Olivia a quick text message.
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