Mama Gotham

My Past Has Tasted Bitter For Years Now

*Ten Years Ago*

There had been a time when Lex Luthor had hated Alyssa Connors. Back when he had first met her, everything about her was as confusing as it was terrifying. Despite his drinking issue, and the issues that stemmed from it, Lex had had his life in order. He knew where he stood and he understood the world.

Then he'd met her. Since drunk Lex was hardly a friendly person to be around, he had no idea what had made him call the girl help instead of continuing with...he actually wasn't sure what he'd been doing. Nor did he know why he'd felt the need to sit with her every day for the time she was comatose. He pinned that to his curiosity. After all, the level of marks on the girl suggested more than a common mugging; whoever had done this to her had been trying to kill her, and Lex was honestly surprised they hadn't succeeded.

When she had woken up, he'd gotten his first sign of how odd she was. While he was growing out of the habit, he still tended to wear a hat nearly everywhere. But in the rush out the door after the hospital had called him, he'd forgotten it.

She didn't notice. She didn't make a comment about it, call him a hairless freak, she didn't stare, she didn't even avoid staring as he'd seen several people do. If he hadn't seen his reflection in the window he'd have sworn his ginger curls had somehow grown back; for there was absolutely no way this girl could be meeting his eyes and talking to him like he was anybody else.

That had been the first time she'd surprised him, but it certainly hadn't been the last.

When he'd come to the decision that he wanted the girl to stay in his life, his next move had been instinctual; presents, paying for her treatments, offering her a place at the the penthouse. She'd turned everything down flat and, other than having Lionel get her access to her father's bank accounts, hadn't accepted anything from either Luthor.

That had been frustrating. In Lex's experience, people were either drawn to him because he was a Luthor, or repulsed by him for the exact same reason. But Alyssa didn't seem to fit into either category, and it angered him that he couldn't figure her out. It also boggled his mind when she purchased an old brick house in Smallville of all places. Nothing happened in that town – with the exception of the meteor shower – and he refused to allow his newfound interest to become a common farm girl.

So, he invited her to a few parties. It got her introduced to some of the highest people in the world, not that she needed to leech off of any of them with father's money. When he reminded himself that it was her father's, he realized how little he knew about her. Connors certainly wasn't a high-class name, and Alyssa stuck out like a sore thumb. Rumors started to fly and the paparazzi had spread more than a few pictures claiming they were now a couple. His father had said in no uncertain terms that he needed to cut ties with Alyssa Connors, and for once Lex agreed with him.

But when she wasn't driving him mad while standing next to him, he found himself driving himself mad going over everything about her. Her complete disregard for what people thought of her, her ability to dodge any personal question he asked....the quiet pain in her eyes.

In the deep dark place that Lex kept padlocked he sympathized with that pain. Understood it. It was the look of someone who'd been put through hell and told not to react. The look of someone who buried their issues and traumas simply because no one would listen. And she buried them well; the only reason he saw that look was because he knew he shared it.

That was what made him hate her. He hated that this girl broke every rule he knew, hated that she reminded him of his weaknesses, and hated that she didn't even seem aware of the effect she had on him. He very much wanted her out of his life, but for some reason the words always got caught in his throat when he tried to say them.