Don't You Dare Fall In Love With Me [Synyster Gates Fan Fic]

Chapter 15

We chatted casually for the next hour or so. Ellie and Sharon never really got over the fact that they were sat in the same room as their favorite band. Not only that, but they'd been talking, socializing like friends.

They didn't shut up about it the whole way home.

We'd had to leave much earlier than any of us would have liked because they had to move on to their next tour date. It was a 4 month long tour, with a couple of week's break in between. I'd given Brian my number, and was excited to arrange a real date between us.

I hardly talked to Ellie or Sharon on the drive home, just listened to them talking about how amazing today had been, and that they felt like they were in a dream.

"Aaaaand, one of my best friends is all loved up with Synyster Gates!" Ellie squealed excitedly, though her eyes never left the road.

"ELLIE." Sharon screamed, making me jump, but having no effect on Ellie whatsoever, "You're forgetting one vital part of today's... events!"

"OH MY GOD. MY BEST FRIEND IS M SHADOWS FUCKING SISTER." Ellie shouted. Now they were full on shouting about how amazing today had been. I couldn't even hear the radio over their shouting.

"Guys, seriously, there's no reason to get so excited.." I said, trying to calm them down.

"Well, maybe not for you, you get to see them all the time. They're like family to you, right?" Sharon said, obviously without thinking. My mind instantly went back to how badly I'd hurt everybody in the past.

I stiffened as I answered, "No." I said sternly, using the tone I used to when I was on the drugs. The one that nobody would question, or try to overcome. "They're not my family."

There was an awkward silence after I spoke, just the soft hum of Oasis on the radio. Ellie kept her mouth shut for once and left Sharon to answer me.

"Sorry... Um, well... You know what I meant..." she said, almost shyly. I hadn't meant to scare her, or knock her back, or whatever I might have done to make her behave like that towards me. I sighed and turned to her.

"No, I'm sorry. I just thought about how I've hurt everyone. I snapped at you, I shouldn't have. I'm just still so used to thinking I was better than everyone else, and not having anyone tell me anything that I didn't agree with." I said honestly. Sharon still didn't look too happy with me, and neither her or Ellie talked about the day again. Instead, Ellie brought up the subject I was most nervous about. Brian.

"When do you think he'll call then?" she said, trying to lighten the mood a little. I just shrugged. I didn't know when he would call, and I didn't want to fool myself into thinking he was going to call anytime soon. He was a rockstar, and Avenged Sevenfold were gaining popularity by the day.

I couldn't expect him to drop everything just to ring a girl who would probably end up hooked back on drugs within the year. I didn't want to think that, but it was true. All of it.

I probably would end up back on the drugs at some point, and Brian was probably busy with something, or someone else at the moment.

He was the lead guitarist in a heavy band. They were on tour, so naturally, there would be half naked women flaunting their bits and pieces for them all to see. Brian was your typical man, he liked women. There was nothing more to it. When he saw what he liked, he usually got it.

I couldn't bring myself to be hurt by it though. We weren't technically together. Yes, we'd told each other we were in love, but he'd never asked me to be his girlfriend officially. I didn't actually know where I stood with him.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Sharon's voice.

"Ellie, we're here. You still with us?" she laughed, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Sorry.. I was just thinking about... um, nothing." I said, not wanting to voice my thoughts. Ellie burst out laughing at that. Making me raise my eyebrow in confusion.

"Thinking of Synyster Gates, no doubt. I don't blame you though, any sane girl in the whole universe want's his attention. Love, or lust." she smirked. I tried to laugh at her words, and make myself feel lucky, but it only made my stomach turn.

I waved to the girls as they drove away to their own houses, and climbed the stairs to my apartment. I didn't feel like taking the lift.

I laid down on my bed, not bothering to put the lights on, or even change my clothes. I felt numb. I loved Brian, and he loved me. But was it really enough? We'd been apart nearly a year, so the 4 month tour wasn't what was bothering me. We could survive the time away from each other.

What bothered me was the thought of how many women he'd probably slept with while I was gone. Or how many women he was going to be sleeping with in the next 4 months. Even right now, he could be having dirty sex with some blonde haired slut, desperate to brag to her friends about having sex with a well hung rockstar.

I shuddered at the thought. I couldn't say I'd been a saint while I was away from Brian though, because that would be a lie. I'd slept with Joe, my collegue, plenty of times. Everyone thought we had a thing for each other, but we both knew it was simply lust and nothing more. It wasn't destined to last long.

I'd had a couple of one night stands here and there too, on some 'secret nights' nobody knew about. Not even Sharon and Ellie.

There wasn't many of these 'secret nights' as I liked to call them. Only 6 or 7, at the most. I stopped myself from going any further after the last one, I didn't want to end up hurting anybody else. My 'secret nights' basically consisted of me getting high, or drunk.

I'd told myself I'd been clean for almost a year, though I knew that was a lie, I wouldn't admit it. I'd given in a couple of times, on these nights, and ended up with a different man each time. I could only remember parts of the time we'd have together, and I didn't want to turn out like I had before, and so I forced myself to stop right there.

I didn't expect Brian to stay faithful, not with his career and my past. And since we weren't together, whatever he was doing right now was no violating anything. Three little word's are no binding contract. He could do what he wanted. And so could I.

I had to prove that to myself.

Still in the dark, I text Joe, and told him I needed him to come round. I didn't want to go out looking for someone, because I knew I would just end up drinking or doing something I'd probably regret. I wanted to have someone trustworthy who I could wakl away from in the morning.

Like I used to with Brian. But this was different. I knew that.

Joe came over within the hour, and I'd changed into something a little more suited for the occasion. I kept the lights off, and waited on my bed as I heard him let himself into my apartment that I'd left unlocked.

"Ashley? Where are you?" he said playfully. I could hear him looking around for me. He left the lights off, but eventually made it into my bedroom where he saw me laid on the bed in my lace underwear, my head propped up on my arm, smirking slightly at the was he was looking at me.

Joe was a tall guy, dark haired and built. He made heads turn, that's for sure. He stripped down to his boxers and joined me on the bed. They didn't stay on long, like my underwear.

And I proved to myself that I could do what I wanted.

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Sorry I didn't upload yesterday D:

There isn't too much of this story left I don't think.. Maybe like 6 chapters? I dunno.. it depends if I get hit by a sudden realisation of a brilliant story idea :')

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