Love Me Like You Hate Me (Edited Version)

Chapter 27

I was eager to see Zack the next morning. Just as I stepped out of the shower, my phone buzzed on the counter. My lips turned up in a happy smile as I read the message from my boyfriend. Zack said he couldn't wait to see me. This only made me move faster as I got ready, preparing for my day. As I was stuffing my newly finished homework in my backpack, my bottle of sleeping meds, which I tended to keep in my bag to shamefully stay hidden from my dad, fell to the ground and the lid popped off, causing the pills to fly everywhere. I frowned, but quickly picked them up. If this made me late to see Zack I would throw them in the garbage, I grumbled to myself. After closing the bottle and zipping them up in my bag, I hurried out the door.

My hurried morning resulted in my waiting impatiently outside my house in the morning cold for almost half an hour. When I finally saw him walking up the street towards my house, I couldn't wait any longer and ran to meet him halfway. He opened his arms when he saw me, welcoming a hug that I gladly took advantage of, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tight. He was like a warm blanket on a cold day and I was happy to snuggle into his arms.

Chuckling, Zack rubbed my back. "You'd think I left you for a whole month," he said.

I smiled up at him. "Felt like a whole month," I told him.

He kissed me, making my heart leap, before he took my hand and started walking. I walked beside him maybe for the first time in all the time I had known him. He wasn't looking at me, but the content smile he was trying to hide grew ever so slightly when I held his hand tighter. I would've been happy to walk with him in silence forever, but sadly, it was not to be. As we were approaching the school, we heard Zack's name being called. He groaned and turned back, releasing my hand quickly as Abi came storming up to us, her eyes blazing. "You haven't responded to any if my texts!" she acused. "I deserve an explanation!"

"You're not my girlfriend anymore, Abi," Zack said shortly. "I don't need to explain myself to you."

She glared at him. "Don't I have a say in any of this?" she asked.

"No," Zack said.

I could see the fury in her eyes. "Why? Because you've hooked up with some slut from another class?" she asked, her voice shrill. "Because I'm suddenly just not good enough to compete? You jerk."

She was probably talking about Katherine, I figured, but both Zack and I knew Zack had little interest in her. Still, I shifted from foot to foot nervously, wanting to just disappear. "I think I'm just going to go on ahead..." I mumbled.

Zack grabbed my arm before I could leave. "No, she should hear this," he said.

I frowned and cowered behind him as he tried to pull me into the open. "Zack..." I pleaded. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

Zack wanted to protest, but Abi spoke first. "Yeah, Zack. Let him go. He doesn't need to hear the adults argue," she sneered at me.

I dropped my eyes as her glared burned into me, cold and accusing. Zack let my arm go and almost reached out to grab Abi forcefully by the shoulders. "Don't you dare-" he started.

"I'm going ahead," I said quickly, booking it towards the school. The last thing I wanted to see was Zack telling Abi about us. It wasn't that I minded people knowing for me, I'd dealt with ridicule all my life, but I minded for Zack. If people knew about Zack dating a guy, his reputation would plummet. I didn't want that for him. My happy mood from the early morning had mostly dissipated thanks to Abi's insults and anger, but I decided not to let it get to me. Zack would sort it out, I was sure.

As I neared the school, I could see people talking excitedly. I wondered what all the hubbub was about, but it wasn't really any of my concern, so I just walked past them, heading for the front steps and my locker. I was about halfway to the doors when I thought I heard my name whispered. Frowning, my eyes drifted around slowly, and for the first time, I noticed all the eyes watching me. Were they really staring at me? I gripped my backpack tighter and hunched my shoulders. It was just my imagination, I told myself. If I could just make it inside, it would stop. I walked faster. Just get inside... inside...

I was halfway up the stair when I stopped dead in my tracks. Every thing around me suddenly became void. I couldn't hear anything, none of the whispers of the laughter. I just stared at the poster plastered on the front doors of the school, on display for all to see. One word was printed in block letters under my yearbook photo:

"Faggot"

My body wouldn't move. The books in my backpack suddenly felt like hundred pound weights, forcing my feet to stay planted in the ground as I barely managed to stay standing. I could already feel my eyes burning as tears welled up. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be real; it wasn't real. Right?

"Is she a pain or what?" I barely registered Zack's voice as he walked up behind me. "Sorry, Erik. I didn't mean for you to have to run off like that."

When I didn't respond, his casual smile vanished and he frowned. He waved a hand in front of my face to get my attention, but after seeing my expression, he followed my eyes. Immediately his face darkened and he ripped the poster of the door, shredding it. "Who the hell...?" he growled.

I turned my eyes on him slowly. "You were the only one who knew..." I said.

He stared at me, uncomprehending. Then he blinked, looking shocked as he realized what I was concluding in my mind. "What?" he said. "You think I did this? I would never-"

"You were the only one who knew!" I shouted. He stepped back in defense. Angry, hateful tears spilled down my cheeks. "I never told anyone. It was just you."

"Erik, please." Zack tried to grab my hand, but I pulled away, shaking my head.

"I knew it was too good... I knew I should never have believed you..." My head was like a spinning top.

Zack looked hurt as he watched me in disapointment. "Erik... I would never do something like this to you, never," he said, pleading with me. "You have to believe me."

I wanted to. For two days he had been my whole world, for two wonderful days. But this was more familiar than those two days would ever be. I should have known, but I had been blinded by my own want. This joke, this prank to screw with me, was more like Zack than sweet and kind would ever be. My hands clenched into fists and I shook my head, looking up at him. "I can't," I said.

I didn't realize I was moving back until Zack's eyes filled with panic. But I didn't stay to watch. Before I knew it, my feet were pulling me away from him as I ran away as fast as I could. I wanted to leave. I just wanted to be gone from that place, and those people, and their words. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I ran, trying and failing to hide the tears sprouting from my eyes. He used me like a toy; he lied to me. He never loved me. He only wanted to abuse me, to play until he was bored and then find a new game. That was all he ever wanted. It was all his fault-... No, it was my fault for believing him; my stupid fault for ever thinking I could trust him. This pain I was feeling was all my fault, I realized. Mine and mine alone.

As the realization of it all crashed down around me, my vision became blurry. I couldn't see where I was running, but it didn't matter. I didn't care where I ended up as long as it was away from Zack; away from myself.

*******

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