Where to go from Here

So...where to next?

*Hey guys, thank you so much for reading this far into the story and following along as I slowly (agonizingly slow) created each chapter and part of this story. I have found that the more I try to write it piles onto my workload. This story isn't getting too far and where the story is headed is pretty much how I have decided to finish this story. I'm sorry if this last chapter is not the best and that the story may not end the way you want it to but I think that if I don't end the story now, it may never finish or it will continue to drag on. I've had a lot of fun creating yet another story to share with you and it helped me gain a lot of experience with writing. Thank you again for all those who have been reading whether you have followed it since I first created it or if you just randomly found it just now. The response that it has received is amazing and once again thank you!*

I drew in a breath questioning if this was even the best decision to do. Should I even be talking to JB? After all, what if he just listens and goes off and tells Jinyoung everything I say. I looked around the room to see if there was anything I could talk about to switch topics. I look back at JB to see him sitting there waiting for me to say something. I twiddled my thumbs and stared back at him hoping that he would strike the conversation again but to no avail.
"Look JB, maybe this isn't the best time to talk about this....everyth-" I was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and two guys rushing in. They stopped beside JB before spewing out words that I could barely understand over them huffing and puffing.
"There you are JB we ha-" Whoever was talking stopped mid-sentence before laying their eyes on my causing me to raise my gaze to see who it was. There stood in front of me the reason for me being in the nurse's office, Park Jinyoung. We both stayed there looking at each other for a split second until Bambam jumped in again.

"JB our history teacher is looking for you. We need to do our group presentation now. Come on! You know how she can be!" JB got up from his seat and bowed to me before running out with Bambam. I turned my stare towards the window to continue to wait for the nurse to come and look at me in case there was any serious damage done to me. I could feel Jinyoung's awkward presence still in the room. It continued to linger for a while as if he was trying to strike a conversation until he ended up just leaving. The door quietly closed shut and i turned to watch the door click. I looked down to my right to see laying on the bed was an envelope. It was a plain crisp white envelope with my name scrawled across it. I curiously and gently picked it up and flipped it over. Obviously it was from Jinyoung. Would me reading this letter help me or end up tearing me up inside? My curiosity is killing me but what could he possibly put in a letter to persuade me to forgive him? I sat there constantly flipping it over and staring around the room as if a random chair will give me all the answers to my problems. I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. The nurse suddenly walked into the room startling me as I hurriedly stuffed the letter into my backpack beside me and diverting my attention towards her.
The nurse allowed me to go back to my regular classes, although I would have rather gone home so I don't have to deal with any humiliation. I ended up having to sit in my math class. I could hardly concentrate on what the teacher was explaining as my attention was always stolen by the the whispers and stares of my classmates that could be heard as they secretly lean over to share their thoughts about me to their friends and not to mention the mere thought of the letter. The letter from someone I once loved. I stared down at my wrist finding the bracelet Jinyoung gave me a while back. I kept it all this timing thinking of it as a way to remember him by but I don't really need it considering there are constant reminders all around me and the only memories that come to mind now are the ones that hurt. The bracelet shone as it caught the dim lights of the room and illuminated the engraved initials in it.
Lunch time had finally rolled around allowing me to go outside and grab a little fresh air. The air fell cool and crisp as I sat and leaned against the trunk of a tree in the schoolyard. I looked around seeing no one else around. I sighed "I didn't think life could get this hard..." I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them as I stared at my beaten down sneakers that were once a clean baby blue and now a dirty mix of browns and grey.

"You know, you don't have to put up with this."

"Huh?" I looked up to see JB's tall figure standing before me. "Oh... well it's not like I have much of a choice..." I trailed off.

"What do you mean? Everything you do in life is a choice. Maybe the reason why you are hurting inside is because you let them get to you. You know not everything in life comes easy, sometimes you just have to take it one step at a time and hope for the best." I gave a slight nod wondering what would happen if I took his word.

"Thanks JB, I think I should go now. I need some time to myself to clear my head." I bowed and slowly walked back into the school. As I expected eyes followed me like I was their prey. I shouldered my bag and continued to walk. I didn't have an exact destination and I didn't know where I would end up, I just kept going. My feet led me through the hallways, passed the students, out the back doors, and onto the streets. As I continued to walk my mind and body went numb. I could no longer feel any guilt, any embarrassment, and any pain. I don't know if it was because I finally reached my breaking point or if I have just given up.

I aimlessly walked until I was left standing at the place I least expected myself to be, Jinyoung's front door. Even though he just lived across the hallway from me it felt that not even my dorm felt like a home. Something seemed to take over me, my hand was raising up to knock on the door and inching its way the surface. I caught myself and yanked my arm back to my side. Before I could make any more decisions that I would later regret I left.

What am I doing? Am I trying to torture myself? I need to let go of these stupid thoughts once and for all. I took a taxi to Namsan tower where I knew I could finally say goodbye to my lingering feelings. The ride was long and uneventful, the taxi driver kept trying to make small talk about how many people go to Namsan and how different the area is from when he was growing up and blah blah blah. I paid him and quickly got out and made my way to the top to the tower that over looks the city. The rails were replete with hundreds with locks just as I remembered. I ran my hand along them taking in the feelings of the cool metal against my fingertips until I reached the familiar lock that had Jinyoung and my initials engraved in it. I stared at it for the longest time trying to remember the feeling of being in love but yet it seemed like so long ago that it is now almost as if it was a figment of my imagination. I shifted my gaze to the bracelet hung around my wrist and unclasped it. I hooked it so that it was now attached to the lock and it felt almost relieving to have it gone. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the envelope containing the letter that Jinyoung wrote me. Drawing in a breathe I stared out at the city skyline before me. Before I knew it 2, 4, 8... it became smaller and smaller until I could no longer hold the pieces between my fingers and they all began to slip away and sprinkle the ground around me. I leaned against the railing as I let my eyes scan the sights displayed in front of me.

Jinyoung the memories that we had together will continue to stick with me and I have to admit that this scar that you have left me with may continue to stay but what can I do? I got myself into this,but no matter how much it hurts I don't regret it. You made me feel like I was on top of the world, that I was happy with just the thoughts of you. Yet even if I continue to hold onto you I will still be here standing alone. I came to Korea to find myself and along the way I met you. You have brought out the best in me and helped me discover parts of myself that I didn't even know existed. But I don't want to continue to try and crawl back to when times were good. Thanks for being there while you were, wherever life may take us I hope you don't regret your decisions and I won't regret mine.

I stepped back from the railing and made my way towards the exit with only one thought left, where to go from here...