The Bad Boys Saw Me Naked. Again

(7)

I watch silently, as Alex gets dressed for work. The sun is barely up, and I bury myself in the blankets, knowing I can get a couple more hours of sleep before waking up the entire house.

"Are you alright here by yourself?" Alex asks me. "Cole and Zane have probably already left."

"Yes." I say quietly, not wanting him to hear the hurt in my voice. "Jesse is coming over to help with lunch and stuff."

"I'll try and be ok with that." He grumbles.

You don't get to be annoyed.

"Goodbye." I roll over, facing the wall. Until I figure out how I'm going to address this situation, I can't even look at him.

"Do you want to do something tonight?" He asks. "We could go out for dinner."

"Maybe." I say vaguely. "I'll be busy." He stays silent, and I don't roll back until I hear the door click shut. 

By the time I willed myself to get into bed last night, Alex was asleep and I didn't want to start an argument late at night. When we woke up I was no longer angry, but hurt. I didn't want to speak to him at all.

I'm not normally one who praises myself above others, but I really did think I sacrificed a lot for Alex. I never complained when he wanted to do something. I always let him have his fun. 

I would sit at home by myself while he partied with Paul. I rubbed his back when he came home to vomit in my bed. I let him have his way with me when he was having a bad day. 

I watched my Alex turn into someone I barely know. 

And he couldn't even be bothered to defend me.

At this point, I'm struggling to find a reason to still love him.

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"How are we going to afford all this?" I gape, looking at the booklists in front of me spread out on the coffee table.

All the kids have mountains of textbooks they need before school starts next week, pus notepads, pens, pencils, all the usual stuff.

"Cole made a budget at the beginning of the year." Jesse says, folding the last of the laundry. "He always makes sure he can afford all school stuff before he spends any more money on other stuff."

"Good." I whistle. "I'll shop for all this tomorrow, and I wouldn't want the credit card to decline."

"Considering Cole and Zane are spending more time at work now, I think the financial stress will lift." He says. "Plus the monthly payment of the family. But that isn't much, the kind souls that they are."

"What?" I turn around, utterly confused of what that meant.

"Well, our family, like our aunts and uncles, and the grandparents we have left." Jesse explains. "Think they are something like gods angels to pull together about one hundred bucks a month for this family. An amount that pretty much gets you nothing, but they still expect to be worshipped at their feet."

"I've actually never met any of your family outside of this house." I frown. "To be honest, I was surprised when I met you. They don't talk about it."

"Consider yourself lucky." Jesse snorts. "When their parents died in the crash the rest of the Rivers were pretty much glad to be rid of them, they were kind of the dropkicks of the family. They hid these kids away, gave all the responsibility to Cole, and pat themselves on the back cause they pay next to nothing once a month and visit once a year."

"Why are you here?" I ask, leaning back in my chair. "You didn't have to help out."

"I couldn't live with that." He shrugs. "I didn't agree with my family's decision, and I'm a grown man. I can make my own decisions."

"That's really respectable." I smile. "And if we need anymore money for school things, I can always pick up tutoring again, that always brought in good cash."

"You're amazing, you know that?" He laughs, putting the baskets of folded laundry at the bottom of the stairs for everyone to collect.

"What do you mean?" I smile, closing down my computer.

"You instantly drop everything." He says, sitting down on the couch. "You put your life on hold, to come help out a family that's not even yours."

"This family helped me through one of the worst times of my life." I explain simply. "I love these guys more than anyone."

"And everyone appreciates it." He says. "Everyone loves you."

"Not everyone." I mutter under my breath.

"What?" He questions.

"Nothing." I shrug. "I'm fine." 

"I know that Alex isn't the most excited to be here." He sighs. "It's ok, it's obvious. But try not to give up on him."

"Sometimes I feel like that's what he's going to do to me." I say softly. 

"He spent his whole life in this house, helping raise his siblings." Jesse says. "Especially with Will being sick, he did so much to make sure this family survived. I think when he left with you, he got a taste of independence. Of freedom."

"But his family-"

"I think he's scared." He stops me. "He came back, and saw his family falling apart. As much as he loves them, he didn't want to get chained down again."

"I actually understand all of that." I chuckle, but nothing is really funny. "But I think he feels more chained down to me."

Jesse looks at me shocked, but the front door opens, and the boys all pile in, dirty from playing sport and tired from working at their summer jobs. 

"Hey." Seth says quickly, dumping his soccer cleats on my nice clean floor. "Got any food?"

"When you all put your stuff away and change into clean clothes there are biscuits in the kitchen." I grin. The boys halt and change direction, heading up the stairs, fighting for the bathroom.

"Jesse, can I borrow your car tomorrow night?" Hayden asks. 

"What for?" He narrows his eyes. I would also be questioning if an 18 year old wanted to borrow my mercedes.

"I have a date." He admits. "I would drop the older ones off at a party first, I'll drive slow and careful, and make sure no one is too drunk when I pick them up."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Jesse snorts. "Sit around here with no car while you guys go off and party?" Hayden stays silent, thinking.

"Please?" He tries, shrugging.

"I'll be here at six." Jesse sighs, giving in. "One scratch, I'm gonna string you up by your balls."

What a thought.