Shawn Mendes Imagines

Hold On

If you ever need to talk, my messages are always open ❤️

*{TRIGGER WARNING}*
This chapter contains some scenes that can be triggering for some of you. It follows a story of a suicidal person.
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It wasn't enough.

I wasn't good enough. I never would be.

All I was in this world, was a worthless and useless person who had the chances but never used them because she was too scared. Actually, I never really had the chances.

I was aware of the fact that I was never enough for anyone. And I was also aware of the fact that I struggled with depression.

It'd been months since I last smiled. The last time I did was when Shawn was home from tour.

He wasn't going to see me again when he came back. I was going to be long gone. I wasn't spending another day in this cruel world.

It'd been three months since I last seen Shawn in real life. And I had been trying to hold on for him, but it just wasn't working.

Day by day, I felt worse and worse about myself. And day by day, I lost the will to even live.

And today, I decided that I had enough.

I sat in the corner of my bathroom, knowing that I would be in peace if I could just cut through my-

"Y/N!"

"S-Shawn?" I stuttered, immediately hiding the blade behind my back. "Why are you home already?" I asked, not meaning to be rude, but failing miserably.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he exclaimed, running toward me. "Are you crazy? Have you gone mad?!" he shouted.

"I wasn't doing anything!" I lied straight through my teeth.

"Yeah? Well what's this?" he questioned, pulling the blade out of my hands. "This is going down the drain."

"No!" I almost screamed. "Shawn, please, no!" I repeated, clinging onto him, crying.

"Yes, Y/N! You can't do this to yourself!" he said, throwing the blade into the toilet, flushing it down.

"Shawn, no," I said, shaking my head as I cried even more. It was the only thing that made me feel better, even if it hurt me. I deserved the pain.

He pulled me in for a hug. "God, Y/N," he whispered, hugging me tighter. "Why?"

I was quiet for a while.

"Answer me. Why did you do that?" he asked, his voice shaking at the end.

"I don't know..."

"Y/N..." he murmured, kissing my neck.

And that's when I felt it.

I felt water droplets on my shoulder. Or tears, to be exact.

"Shawn, why are you crying? It's seriously not that big of a deal," I said simply.

He pushed himself away from me, his hands still on my upper arms as he looked at me. "It is a big deal, okay? I never want to lose you," he said. "And knowing that I wasn't," he stifled his sob,"here when you're like this... I'm such a bad person."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault." I stroked his cheek. "Now, go do your tour."

"Why? So that you can stay here and hurt yourself even more? Y/N, what's wrong with you?!" he asked, beginning to be mad.

I looked at him, hoping that I could make him mad enough to actually kill me. "Nothing's wrong with me. I'm completely fine," I said casually.

He clenched his fists in frustration.

"Punch me, Shawn. Punch me so hard that I can leave this world," I pleaded.

"No, Y/N," he said, sighing. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," he added,"I'm such a bad boyfriend." He enveloped me in his arms again, and said,"I'm gonna stay here until you're okay. Until you're fine again. Until you get back to being the cheerful and goofy girl you once were."

"You don't have to-"

"Yes I do. I miss you, Y/N. The old happy you. Do you think you can bring her back?" he asked, looking at me, his eyes full of tears.

"I... I don't know, Shawn. The whole world is against me, my grades aren't gonna get me a decent future - I'm a mess," I rambled.

"You're not a mess, Y/N. You're just going through tough things right now, and I understand that. Everything will get better," he told me.

"It doesn't get better for me."

"Yes it does. And I'll be here every step of the way. You'll be okay," he said, smiling lightly.

I wasn't sure that I was happy, but I was definitely feeling way better already. He was here.

"I know that things are gunna be hard to get through, but it's alright. I know you, and you're stronger than... I don't know, superwoman," he chuckled.

I smiled slightly.

"There's that beautiful smile. Stay with me, okay? Everything will be alright," he assured me. "There's so much life ahead of you, and it won't slow down no matter what you do, so you just gotta hold on," he sang, cupping my cheeks.

I was still silent.

"Just hold on for me," he said, kissing my forehead.
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Hey guys! I just wanted to remind you that everything gets better and this imagine was kinda dedicated to all the people who are going through tough times.

I've been there myself, and I can promise you that it gets better and you'll be alright in the end.

Thanks for reading!
Bye!
DSBF!