Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter One Hundred & Two: The Finishing Point

The Finishing Point

How do you tell someone if they are about to live or die?

James Barnes is sat at the table. He has showered. He has on clean clothes, and has combed his hair and shaved. He looks fairly relaxed, calm even, but he isn't. If you look closely you can see the signs. His hands are on the top of the table but are clenched together, the knuckles showing white. He is looking at the surface and his eyes are clear, but inside his mind is working.

His fear is not because he is worried he is going to die; he has already accepted that eventuality. What he is fearful about is that when they announce his guilt, he will look and act like a coward. He wants them to see that he is relieved, even now he doesn't want those people to believe it is their fault he is to die. He also believes that if they think their loved ones were murdered by a coward then it diminishes those victims somehow. He can't explain it. He doesn't want people to look at him and see a monster even though that is how he sees himself but, he thinks, that is too much to hope for. Because I am a monster.

His mind is so confused. Every thought running through it is overthought, going around and around and his jaw is clenched, aching. He is so tired he could put his head down and sleep for a million years.

He is simply a man. One who has to die. One who has accepted his fate.

He knows that there is a camera on him which is currently showing him to the whole world. It is only fair that they learn his fate the same time he does. The screen is on the wall in front of him and the verdict is due to be announced within the next few minutes.

He is alone in the room. It is what he asked for. He so badly wanted Steve and Freya there with him but he knows he could not have remained this calm with them present. They are here, but in another room with both Tony and T'Challa. He takes comfort in knowing that afterwards he will be able to hold them, tell them they will be all right without him.

He just needs to be brave for these last few minutes.

In the other room Steve asks how long after sentencing they will carry out the punishment, and T'Challa is the one who answers: "He has asked that he be given a few minutes to say goodbye and then for the sentence to be carried out straight away. Unfortunately we were unable to agree to that."

Tony breaks in at this point to remind Steve that a delegate from each country must attend the execution, otherwise the public would not believe he was dead.

"For gods' sake," Steve shakes his head. How do I do this? He thinks. How do I lose him again because this time I know it will be final? There will be no coming back from this.

T'Challa does not tell them that James has decided how to die. By gunshot. He will never tell them how James begged for his body to be destroyed afterwards - cut up, burned. That there was such a desperation in James's voice at that point.

Jarvis breaks in to tell them that it is time.

The screen opposite Bucky lights up and he looks up at it. His heart is thumping so hard he thinks everyone must be able to hear it, and there is a fine sheen of sweat on his brow. He squares his shoulders. He is ready.

It will list each of the thirty-five countries and how their jurors have voted: Guilty or Not Guilty. At the end of the list the tally will show and then the final verdict underneath.

Everyone holds their breath.

As each result comes up Bucky blinks. In his mind he is telling himself he is going to die, that he will be at peace soon, these people have found him guilty because he is guilty.