Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

15 - Special

He's gone now. Cody left that morning. He kissed me passionately and told me he loved me, and I repeated. I know we aren't together anymore, but it sure as hell feels like it and that just sort of puts me back where I started; when he first left me. He really doesn't know what he's did to me.

Today at school just seemed to be such a drab. Nothing seems to be making sense. I did a pop quiz for Biology class today and I literally felt like a freshman in the subject. How is that possible for me? I don't know. My mom already wants me dead for last night, I can only imagine how she's going to act if she gets a call from school saying I'm failing with flying colors.

I sneaked my way through the hospital, just so I won't have to run in to her. I know it's inevitable, but I can stray for a good amount of time. She's been blowing up my phone since I was at school with phone calls and messages, so I texted her back that I was fine before I turned off my phone completely.

I quickly make my way towards Ashton's room, hoping his snobby girlfriend isn't here tonight also. Last night he seemed so speechless and almost surprised. But I can't imagine what for. I made it pretty clear to him I'm gay, and he accepted it. I don't get these straight guys. Without knocking or anything of the sort, I entered his room. I also didn't want to waste time by doing that and then have my mom come around the corner and find me here.

Ashton's shocked eyes flashed to my calm ones. I flashed him a smile, but remained in my standing position. I don't know what's going on in his head just yet so I'm not going to do anything that could risk our thread of friendship. "Ethan...?" he mutters.

"Yep, it's me."

"What are you doing?" he asked, "Like here... what are you doing here?"

"Well I'm under punishment, remember - the whole 'can't go anywhere else' thing... sort of restricts me," I nod awkwardly. Before he could get anything else out, I tell him, "You don't have to feel awkward around me - you have a girlfriend."

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows, asking, "What?"

I chuckled, "Ashton, if you don't feel comfortable, it's okay, but you don't have to. I'm gay, that's it... and as far as I know, it's not contagious." That wouldn't even be a bad thing. If being gay was contagious everyone would be happy... or at least I would be happy and all the other gay people would be happy... and everyone else I guess...

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine - I mean, it's your business who you sleep with and I'm okay with it.." he slowly says. His eyes remained on the ground, which just gave it away that he still isn't comfortable. I pull in my lip ring, "Ashton, it's okay. I get that you think I'm going to hit on you or 'give you the gay', and that's probably just how you feel so whatever..."

"I don't think that... well not the second one at least." Okay, he's right about that. I am definitely crushing on him. He's so fucking perfect looking, but there is no way I can have him. I just need to relax myself.

"Uh point is, you're good company so... yeah," he shrugged, "I don't care about your sexuality... it's just sort of weird to see..." Just as weird as seeing him hug and kiss his annoying as fuck girlfriend. Gosh, what is her purpose, honestly?

"Sure..." I answer, "Plus, your girlfriend is a complete hater."

"She's just not accustomed to it," he quickly defends, "That's how her parents brought her up - you can't blame her for that." I roll my eyes at what he said, still feeling as though she's a major hater. She didn't even try to get to know us; she immediately just spit out the word 'gross'. Am I really supposed to like her?

"Whatever. I don't really need her to like me, so I'm good."

Ashton chuckled and shook his head. After I was tired of talking about his stupid and unnecessary girlfriend, I decided to change the topic. I asked him, "So, are you feeling okay?" I slowly walked to take my rightful seat at the side of his bed.

"What like the cancer?" he rose an eyebrow and I nodded my head. "Well I don't really think there's an 'okay' side to cancer... so.. yeah... it sucks. I feel horrible... as usual."

I wish we met under different circumstances. He's basically dying. Honestly, I forget sometimes that he's in a Cancer hospital. Sometimes I just come in here and talk like he's guaranteed to be here when I come back the next day. I don't think realization has ever stuck me that Ashton is a Cancer patient - which is the saddest thing.

"I hate that you have to go through this..." I mutter. I don't even know if he heard me, and honestly I don't know if I want him to hear. My eyes scan him as he furrowed his eyebrows at me in confusion, and I came to the conclusion that he didn't hear me. I stare at the tubes hooked up to him and my heart saddened. I feel really stupid now.

I was stressing over losing my boyfriend when all the patients in this hospital are slowly losing their lives. Why am I so inconsiderate? I can always find some other guy, but they can't get another life to live just like that. I awkwardly bite my bottom lip. "I'm sorry..." I mumble.

"For what?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows. I blinked down at the ground and shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. I'm a real asshole sometimes. I don't really think of others..."

"Are you crying?" Ashton asked me, making a feign chuckle leave my lips. Of course I'm fucking crying. I'm a fuck up who randomly cries because he's overthinking. People should get accustomed to this weird side of me. "I'm fine. I'm just being dramatic."

"You're so soft," he chuckled.

"No, I'm not.  My mind was going crazy with thoughts and I couldn't help if the single tear decided to roll down. I'm not ashamed to cry, you know. I would cry in front of Obama and don't give a shit, because I'm awesome," I tell him matter-of-factly. Ashton began to laugh, like I was the world's funniest stand up comedian. His laugh is so adorable. It makes me feel like laughing and I don't even find anything funny. I just really enjoy hearing him laugh. He has a nice laugh.

"All I said was three words... and you literally began talking about Obama. You are extremely special, Ethan," he laughed. I don't know what context he used the word 'special' in, but I'm going to take it as a compliment. And accept how stunning my name sounds falling from his lips. Ethan...

"Why, thank you."

He continued to laugh, "Whatever."

~*~*~*