Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

24 - LGBTQ+

LOVE WAS MADE TO BREAK

24

Ashley came to the party alone, and I came with Hannah - which means we both needed a way of getting home. After asking approximately one person for a ride we decided walking was the best option. I also really wanted my late night drunk chat with someone and it just turned out to be Ashley, to which I have absolutely no problem.

As we were walking we were talking about the douches of the world and she just couldn't stop telling me about how fucked up her relationship is. It was so interesting to me. I mean, I've only ever had one relationship in my entire life and Cody was never that cruel. I never thought a guy could say such horrible things to the person they claim to love. I wish I could help Ashley, but I suck at advice. She seems fine now though - just talking drunken shit about him.

When it was my turn to talk about relationships I got a bit quiet. Cody, I talked about openly; it just sort of rolls off the tongue. Like Cody is my second language. But then after I told her he left me, she asked who I'm seeing now. And I'm stuck. I know I could easily say I'm seeing absolutely no one (which is true) but it's not actually easy. 

"Hold on, are you crushing on someone?" Ashley grinned at me, before hitting my shoulder a couple of times. "Is he hot?" she then asked.

"Okay, first of all, I would never crush on an ugly guy, and secondly, don't get too excited, it'll never happen - he's into la chicas."

"No!" she gasped.

"Yup. I'm like over him though... like totally... I mean like the kiss wasn't even that good...I was definitely thinking of Cody the entire time."

"Bitch, you ain't fooling nobody! Grow a fucking pair and get your man."

"He's straight!" I try to get into her thick skull.

"Listen honey, if he kissed you, he's not as straight as you think. You know what you need to do?" she asked, and I rolled my eyes as I already know what she's going to tell me. She's going to say I should just tell him how I feel - like it's so fricking easy. 

"You needs to go to that kid and sit down and have a really long talk, okay. Don't make things awkward or anything by adding feelings, just talk to him and listen to what he has to say."

"Talk about what?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I don't know. But here's what, if he still wants to be with women, then so be it. You can't be sitting here, moping over some straight guy, okay. You are absolutely sweet, and kind, and loving, and surprisingly funny and your handsome, so if he doesn't want all that good stuff, then there are dozens, and I mean dozens of great guys out there who would want it," she says with a bit of sass. I smile at that and nodded my head, "You're awesome. Thank you."

"I call it like I see it," she answered, making me cringe at how horrible that was. 

"That really was bad," I tell her afterward, with a soft laugh. She nodded her head and joined in my laughter. I was actually a bit saddened when we arrived at my house. I didn't want to leave Ashley. She's such an awesome being. I mean, she can really lift your spirits. 

I've walked out all the alcohol (seeing as the walk home was so extremely long), and I was sober enough to go home to my mother... and Chris..? I noticed the extra car was still parked in our driveway. It made my blood boil, but I couldn't do anything about it. I just seriously hope and pray they weren't getting it on upstairs. It's absolutely disgusting to even think about right now. 

I walk past my mother's bedroom without even opening to say goodnight. I'm just disgusted.

*~*

After that night, I think i got my groove back. I tried my hardest to just forget and eventually I didn't have to try anymore. Forgetting shit came naturally and I had no problem with that. And once I had no more distractions I actually got back on track with school. Of course there are still the well-needed hook ups in tiny areas, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend or anything of the sort.

Weeks have gone by and surprisingly enough, they were pretty good. Cody came back once during that time, which actually was perfect timing. He stayed for only two days. It honestly makes no sense to do what he's doing, but I'm not going to voice that because I want to see him. I mean, he's spending money to come here for just like one or two days, and that's it. But as I said before I'm grateful.

Tonight however, I have no Cody, or any good-looking guys at all. What I have is a way-too-fancy restaurant, my mother and Chris. Horrible, I know. Chris and my mother are talking about something uninteresting as usual. I'm on my phone under the table, that is until Chris' voice called on me. I look up and flashed a fake smile when I realized my mother wasn't at the table any longer.

"You know, you've never actually mention a girlfriend? How's that going?" he asked me, causing me to almost choke on my saliva and drop my phone. He's been in a relationship with my mother for such a long time and he doesn't even know her son is gay? How is that even possible?

"Girlfriend?" I repeated.

"Yeah? Or are you more of a loner type? You're more into books than girls."

"There's another 'B' word I'd use in that sentence though."

Chris furrowed his eyebrows looking confused as hell. I wanted to laugh so loudly at this. I just hope he isn't homophobic because that would just be horrible for my mom's relationship. I remove my eyes from Chris' confused look to my mother as she took her seat once again. I'm glad she didn't take forever, because I really want her to be here when I break it to him.

"Mom, didn't you tell him?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Tell him what?" she asked innocently.

"Chris wants to know why I've never mentioned a girlfriend."

My mom chuckled softly and shook her head, "Chris, Ethan is gay. I thought you knew that?"

"He's what?" Chris asks my mother with bulging eyes.

"Is there a problem?" Mom asks. I hide my smile - I love when she defends me.

"Uh.. no.. it's just..."

"Just what?" she asks, "He's my son, and you should accept him."

"I-I do. I just wasn't expecting..." he swallowed, but didn't continue his sentence. I yawn then rolled my eyes. He's such an ass.

"Yeah, well I am - completely and totally gay. You aren't homophobic, right?" I ask him, but I can't help my smug smile. I don't really like him and I don't give a fuck if he's homophobic.

"N-no, I'm not," he blinked at me mother.

"Good," I reply. 

*~*~*