Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

22 - Out

22

Who even goes into surgery for this long? The nurse said he went in this morning and it's dark now. What's going on?  Every second I remain sitting against this wall on the ground, I feel like something horrible would happen the next second. So I'm on edge. I just want to see him. It hasn't reached the point of love, and I doubt it would be anytime soon, but I have a great amount of feelings for him, and I just can't deny it. 

"Ethan, my shift is over," my mom's voice said from above me. I looked up slowly then dropped my head again, letting out a weary sigh. I can't stay here overnight. I think the hospital would throw me out. In addition to that, I have school in the morning, and I was supposed to study tonight because I have another test tomorrow (apparently, everyone practically failed the last one so we're getting a make up). I have a life outside of this, and as much as I like Ashton, I can't hold it back.

I slowly rise to my feet, watching as my mother's eyes saddened with every small action I make. "It'll be okay," she says to me. I only roll my eyes because I'm in no mood to listen to that crap she's about to say. "Can we just go?" I ask her and began to walk away from her. My mother remained in her position, but pulled my arm back. I stepped back in front of her, looking as frustrated and agitated as ever. She wasn't looking at me though, her eyes were behind me, which made me instantly turn around. 

"Ashton?" I gasped softly, way too soft for him to hear, or the nurses who were rolling him in, or his parents...? Their resemblance was astonishing, making it seem as though the three were a set of triplets. My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I watched his brunette mother, sob on his father's chest, then to Ashton who just seemed so nonchalant, which actually had me sighing of relief.

Then his eyes met mine, and I literally felt like the rate of my heartbeat sped up for a short moment. I don't even know if that's healthy, but it happened. Ashton soon looked away making me feel like he actually does hate me. He went into the room and his parents followed behind. I bit my lip as I mentally cursed myself for not even saying 'hi' to him. What the hell am I actually doing? 

After they all entered the room, and it was just my mom and I, she said, "I think you should wait until tomorrow."

"No, please. I just want-"

"Ethan, he's with his family. He just got out of surgery - you should wait," she says to me.

I look into the room from the glass in the door and I saw how miserable he looked. He obviously doesn't want them there, and neither do I. I mean, they weren't there for the past month or so, what makes them want to come now. Ashton doesn't even like them - based on how he talks about them, which is rarely ever. So there, my point is proven.

"Mom, please, let me just at least say hi..." I try to bargain. I glance back through the glass, and notice he was already looking my way. I sucked in a breath, but continued to stare at him. I wish they would just leave, so I could talk to him. I look towards my mom once more with pleading eyes, but its not really her I should be begging to stay. It's Ashton, since he obviously hates me right now.

The door of the room opened and I was caught peaking in by his parents like a deer in headlights. My face instantly went red and I took a step backwards. His mother crinkled her eyebrows behind her mask of sadness, then she and her husband walked passed me. The nurses exited also.

My mother, who stood against the wall nodded her head in the direction of the room and mouthed, "Go."

I smiled at her, but in the pit of my stomach I could feel all the nerves slowly rising. It's all because of that stupid kiss. The door was left ajar so I just had to push it a bit before I was fully seen by him. I smiled at him weirdly then waved my hand once when I was in the room and the door was closed. Ashton smiled at me, "Why are you so awkward?"

My eyes widened and I let out a sigh of relief. He isn't mad. He probably forgot everything that happened the night before and I'm in the clear. "I-I'm not..." I mutter, but decided to instantly change the topic, "How was the surgery?" I was just standing in the center of the room, staring at him... like an idiot. I want to talk about the kiss, but I also don't want to because a part of me knows I'll be rejected completely.

"Uhm... well it wasn't good... so yeah..."

"I'm sorry," I tell him. He shook his head, "You tell me that so much, and half the time I don't even know why." I bite my bottom lip and furrowed my eyebrows. I think I'm apologizing for kissing him, but I'm also sorry about his surgery. "I though you hated me," I blurt.

"Hated you?" he asked.

"Yeah... for you know..." I couldn't even say it. I just feel so bad. I don't know what it is exactly that was wrong, but damn, it hurts. And I just feel the need to tell him how sorry I am. 

Ashton flashed me a smiled, "The kiss?" I began to play with my fingers and I bite my bottom lip, slowly pulling in my ring. I love the fact that he smiled at me when he spoke about the kiss - I guess that's a good sign. I begin to get nervous again. I hope and pray he doesn't insult me right now - I won't hate him, but it will definitely lower my confidence level. God, rejection is such a horrible thing.

"I'll admit, it wasn't bad," he starts off, and I just know this is going to end really bad for me. "But.. I-I'm not-"

"Gay, I know," I finish his sentence, feeling a bit angry at him. I know I can't really blame him for being hetero, but I sort of want to. Ashton nodded his head in agreement with what I said, "Question, do you have feelings... for me?" he rose his eyebrows. I instantly began to shake my head, but not fast enough to give away the face that I'm lying my ass off.

"No, I don't. You were asking questions so I though it would be better if you just experienced it... and that's it," I shrugged, "Uh I really have to go now, because my mom's shift is over and she's leaving and she's like my ride and whatever, so yeah. I just wanted to see how you were doing, and since your doing okay, I'll go now." I begin to slowly step backwards, watching as a confused look made it's way onto his face.

"Ethan-"

"I'm sorry, again," I finally said, then dashed out of the room. I ran straight into my mother, and I wasted no time in engulfing her in a hug and allowing my (completely unnecessary) tears to flow out. Yes, I'm a cry baby, but I don't fucking care. My mom hugged be back and kissed me softly. 

~*~*~*