Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

30 - Reality

30

I arrived at the hospital around six in the afternoon. After school, Hannah dragged me alone with some other kids to 'relax' for a while. I didn't really want to go, but I also didn't actually protest. But in the end, it really did relieve a bit of stress (which I barely have these days). Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good right about now. When I got to the hospital, I went to my mother, smiling like an idiot.

She furrowed her eyebrows but leaned in to kiss my cheek anyway. She didn't even seem to smell the stuff we did this afternoon, but then again Hannah made sure to bathe me in perfume for this exact reason. But I still tried not to be too close to her. I kept my distance after she kissed me.

She shrugged off my entire attitude and went back to work, so I walked to Ashton's room - like I usually do. I was rewarded for my tediously long walk when Ashton smiled at me as I opened his room door and stepped in. I dropped my school bag on the floor carelessly and walked to his bed. 

"I missed you a huge lot today," I tell him as I place a kiss on his lips. Before he could answer, I asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Stop asking that, please," he requests. I bite my bottom lip. I understand where he's coming from. I'm probably only reminding him over and over of the pain he's going through. 

"Yeah, I get it..." I scratched my neck awkwardly.

"How was your day?" he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and took a seat on the ground against his bed. Ashton chuckled shortly at my actions, especially since his bed is right there and I could sit, but he said nothing. I smiled as I said, "My day went okay. I mean nothing bad happened so yeah."

"A guy asked me on a date," I continued.

"What-"

"I declined... although he was beautiful and sent straight from God."

"What the fuck?"

"I'm joking, Ashton. Relax. He wasn't half as good looking as you," I answer and sent a kiss. Ashton on rolled his eyes then flashed me his middle finger. I laughed softly.

Tonight, I need to do homework. I came here just to see him, but I originally intended to do homework. Ashton isn't much of a distraction because he's a bit quiet, so it's okay if I want to do my Homework here. The downside is that I am a distraction to myself - meaning I would find something to be distracted by, like Ashton. But I think I just need to focus just a tad more and I'd be perfect here.

It doesn't matter what happens - I'm not leaving.

As I began to wearily pull out my books, Ashton asked, "Which subject?"

"Uh I have Biology homework, Math and English."

"Gross," he scoffed, "I sucked at them all - especially Math."

"Everyone sucks at Math," I shrug. I'm fair in the subject. I pass Math, but not by anything too dramatic like 90% or anything like that. I'm about 70-80 percent - which kind of sucks. I run my fingers through my hair as I stared at the work in front of me, and I cursed the loser who invented school. Why do kids have to go through this type of shit?

"I can help in English though."

"Seriously?" I perked up. Ashton nodded and smiled, "I'm not too bad at that."

"I barely understand how, but I literally suck at English. I mean, I know it's English and I should pass, but I fucking suck," I tell him. Ashton began to laugh while I just shook my head. He doesn't even know how serious I am. I fricking hate that we have to speak English and not Chemistry or Physics. I can communicate like that fluently. 

"Were you like those jock type football captain type guys?" I asked him.

He chuckled, "No, not really. I was average, you know."

"You're not fricking average. You're like... fucking... un-average. Like in a good way," I mutter and look downward.

"Thanks I guess, but seriously though, I was the everyday guy with no cares in he world," he shrugged. I nodded my head. I don't want to add anything, fearing that I'd say something stupid. Ashton stared at me, "I would have never though in a million years, that this could happen to me - that I would end up like this."

"Do you regret how you lived your life?" I asked him.

He bit his bottom lip softly and sighed, "I... I mean... I've done some shit but... I don't know... I don't think so."

"What have you always wanted to do?" 

"I don't know, everything," he laughed. I flashed him a smile, but honestly I was just saddened by this entire conversation. I have to face reality - he's not going to get to do the 'everything' he wanted to do. It's horrible what he has to go through. I would hate to wake up every morning knowing that my days are short and all the dreams I wish to become a reality will never actually happen. 

"You're really strong," I tell him honestly, "I would never be able to do this." Ashton didn't reply, he only stared at me. I blinked downward, and I could feel my eyes stinging slightly from the build up of water in my eyes. I'm such a cry baby. I quickly wipe under my eyes before looking up at him again. I flash a sad smile, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," he shook his head, "It's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I'm sorry I cry so much..." I sigh.

"Ethan, it's okay. You don't have to cry for me," he says. 

"Ashton, stop it. I don't... I-" I stopped my self before letting out a groan. I don't want to finish this conversation. I'm done with it. "Are you hungry?" I asked him.

"Ethan you have to-"

"No," I say firmly, "No. Don't, please. Would you like anything to eat?"

He shook his head, no. I sigh softly and stared down at the books again. I'm no longer even interested in doing this stupid ass Math homework. I shove the book aside and brought my legs closer to me so I could rest my head on my knees. I stared at the wall opposite me. I'm not cut out for this. 

Why am I doing this shit to myself? Why did I even get involved in the first place? I'm going to be left here with my heart broken and tears streaming down my face.

Ashton remained quiet, as did I. I'm in no mood to talk or do anything right now. I just want to be home in my bed. After a few minutes of us being completely motionless, I looked up to him. His eyes already seemed to be on me though. He motioned for me to join him on the bed and I climbed on without hesitation. I instantly wrapped my arms around him and rest my head on his chest to listen to his heart beating. Ashton kept me in a comforting hold, making me forget all the shit I was just thinking about.

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