𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐑 ❱ 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔

eighteen.

the ghost was more silent than the grave it arose from, staring with heavy lidded eyes and a slack mouth. her cheekbones accentuated the skeletal look and in her gaze dazai's mind was robbed of emotion.

instead of running, or screaming dazai stood more still than the mossy statue in the heart of the graveyard and just as cold. she beckoned with fingers that rapidly faded to only a suggestion of form. he passed each stone without taking account of the path until he stood in a place that was unrecognizable.

she became more solid again, but this time her skin bore many silver scars, thick and jagged. he began to think new things, "i want to stay here with her, forever." the thought became a desire and dazai's insides lit with an intensity to make it possible. his body crumpled to the dirt, leaves and mud met the side of his face and his knees curled up like an unborn.

it was like she walked in the room, and time slowed down, pacing with her slow footsteps. she had always haunted dazai - in nightmares, hallucinations and even when he had been wide awake.

she stops beside his bed, and her hand slowly reaches for his arm. he did everything to move his arm, but it stays still. it feels like it's pinned to his bed with tons of weight on it.

her fingers caresses over his forearm, while he laid still, paralysed. he wanted to scream, but he didn't find the strength as he's using all of it just to move his hand away from her. it's not her, or her touch that scares him, but it's his inability to move.

after a few more of his attempts go in vain, he finally wake up - still unable to move. he watched her walk away and slowly closing the door shut behind her without making a noise.

hallucinations come with sleep paralysis - he told himself just to assure that she couldn't hurt him, that she isn't real.

he felt his hand and yours was placed on top of it. dazai looked fragile in your eyes, as if he was ready to cry.

"a nightmare?" you asked, worried. when he didn't answer you for a while, you let him calm down, and said no more, but sat with his cold hand in your warm, easy clasp.

'how can i call it a nightmare, if it doesn't leave my presence when i'm awake?' dazai rested his head on the top of your hand as he inhaled and exhaled a shaky sigh.

the next few hours would either pass as a blip in the course of his life, or it would be the final trauma that broke him. you held your hand to dazai's body, which had to conquer the shaking soon or he would perish.

"yeah it was just a nightmare." dazai mumbled although feeling quite uncertain himself.

"you know you don't have to hide anything from me..." you jabbed him with your fingers.

"do you love me?" he ignored you, whispering silently, oddly scaring you.

"what kind of question is that? of course i love you." you scrunched your eyebrows in confusion as you stared at dazai.

"would you die for me?" his voice became hoarser at the question. his voice wasn't the usual bright, soothing cheery one, but more frightening now.

"probably..." you managed to say although unconfident.

"then prove it." he smiled, sending an unbearable unpleasant feeling.

"why?" you choked out a bit scared.

"i thought you loved me..." he said as tears prickled down his face.

he stood up and walked into the small kitchen and pulled out a knife. dazai held the knife, twisting it in the night as if it could slice up the moon, his expression exaggerated by the dark shadows around his eyes.

though rust had set in on the handle and blade it was strong and jagged - more than enough. you had rejected him when he had asked you to prove it, which hurt him more than it should have.

his eyes had the look of murder as if he could already see you in a pool of darkening blood and his face split into a grin that arced in a sickly way, never making it to his almost sunken eyes.

the knife was sharp and dangerous. it looked like it had been wanting to murder since it's first design. it had a large steel serrated blade with a black handle. it had ridges on it so the killers hands would fit in perfectly.

you took one look at dazai and could tell it wasn't the same person you knew. insanity stole into his mind like a deranged thief, taking what was important to him, adding new dangerous ideas, seeding a new personality and muddling up the rest.

new sparks of ideas that once he would have dismissed as bizarre started to grow roots, deep roots, they started to make sense in one revolutionary eureka moment after another, cascading out of control, luring him further and further from the self he once knew, until he was so deep that he no longer recognised the forest around him, paths twisted and turned out of sight, so dense were the trunks.

he followed one path wildly after another, making new connections in his new distorted reality, after a while he had trodden the new paths so much that they formed an inescapable maze, a prison without walls.

"aren't you going to prove your love for me?" he grabbed your hand and you flinched, recoiling it from his touch.

you felt scared, scared of the person you loved. it was as if the knife was already inside you.

you felt fear. fear is shackles, fear is a knife in the gut slowly twisted, fear is a constant hammer on the head.

"didn't you say you were my savior?" his tone darkened and you clutched your pained heart.

"i did." you smiled gently at him, tears already forming.

"would it make you happy if i stabbed myself?" you choked out, trembling in fear as he nodded.

"how about i do it for you?" he whispered in your ear, caressing your cheek but it wasn't a comforting gesture.

in the next second there is blood on your knuckle and a bruise above dazai's right eye. you released a shaky breath and looked at dazai who had fallen on the ground.

"something like that won't make you happy." you saw dazai's eyes widen as if he wasn't aware of his own actions and you sighed in relief.

the fear sat quietly, eroding the person dazai was. what starts as a contortion in his stomach becomes a feeling of being smothered by an invisible hand. his breathing becomes erratic, deep, then shallow.

"i'm sorry y/n i don't know what came over me..." he quickly sputtered out an apology and tears brimmed around his eyes.

"it's fine dazai you weren't feeling okay-" you reached out to touch him but held your hand back, not wanting to hurt him in any way.

he looked at you in shock and abruptly stood up, making his way to the door, and you looked at him with confusion. dazai felt like he couldn't breath, as if someone was choking him. his heart was racing and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and wait for someone to save him. but no one would, he knew even you wouldn't.

"i think it's best if we separate for a while."