Being Okay

1. Mom

This is extra special, because it's my mother's birthday today.

Happy Birthday, Ma.

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Dearest Ma,

Happy Birthday! I know this is probably the most stereotypical thing to say, but you just don't seem to age. Ever. I just wanted to take some time out to say a few things to you today.

I remember you telling me about the complications in your pregnancy, when you were supposed to deliver me. And i remember visibly flinching when you recited all of that and yet I was baffled by the adoration in your eyes when you spoke of the moment i finally arrived in this big, bad, world. I know you'll probably scoff at this, roll your eyes and tell me that, that is what moms are supposed to do. Because that's just who you are, Ma. You are so bloody considerate of me, of us, of everyone in the whole family. And in this entire process I think you are continuously taken for granted, and today I want to change that.

Thank You, Ma. 

Thank you for waking up with a smile on your face every single day for the last 22 years just because you didn't want me and my brother to see a sullen face when we got up everyday. Thank you for letting go off your sorrows just so that your heart could swallow mine. Thank you for imbibing in me the values of appreciating people and knowing their worth. Thank you for sitting with me for nights, nursing me just as you nursed your own broken heart. Thank you for guiding me in my faith in God. Thank you for reminding me on every step of every way that good things always happen to good people, and that God is always keeping a tally of everything. Thank you for making the four walls that we call a house, a home. Thank you for being who you are, who you've always been and who you'll always be.

But saying this, there are a few things i want to apologize for.

I'm sorry, Ma. I'm sorry for blaming you when things didn't go my way even though you tried your best to steer them in my favor. I'm sorry for letting you work even though your bones protested and cried. I'm sorry for not believing in you when you told me everything you did was for my betterment. I'm sorry for lashing out on you every time i was furious, anxious, and I still wonder why you never retorted back at me. I'm sorry that you gave up your career just so that dad could set his up and just so that my brother and I always had a parent who was ever-present in the house, so that our studies, our careers were never affected. I'm sorry for saying so many wrong, disgusting things to you even though i never meant them. And lastly, I'm so, so sorry for taking you for granted, Ma. 

You always told me that if you work really, genuinely hard towards achieving something, at the end of the day, you will get it. That is the only reason I have not given up, that is the only reason I am still doing what I'm doing.

I'm so, so, so fucking proud of you, mom. (Oops. No cussing. Right.) You sacrificed your world for me, and now i will give it back to you. I promise you, I will not let anyone or anything even attempt to harm you. You've been through enough, and now i wanna lay the Universe at your feet and wrap up the stars and give them to you. I want to be, and I will be someone you can be proud of. You spent your life taking care of us, now it's our turn to do the same.

Happy Birthday, Aai. I love you to infinity and back.

-Your proud daughter.

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Aai - Mother in the Marathi language.